I guess first I'll introduce myself...I'm a 25 year old Mom of a 4 yr old son. My H and I have been through a lot this last year as it seems so have a lot of you. A lot of our issues are focussed around the fact that my husband is a parttime musician who is obsessed with his hobby. It seems to come before everything else. This has led to a lot of resentment and ultimatley multiple incidences of depression and infidelity on my part. In Feb we seperated due to the fact that I went out with a co-worker one evening and did not come home. I know that I am responsible for my own actions and ultimatly my actions caused the begging of the end of our marriage. This has brought lots of guilt and hurt. Two weeks after we seperated my husband called me up and wanted to come over, he said he wanted to try and work things out. I was estatic, three weeks later I wound up pregnant. Two days ago he told me he has been unable to get over the loss of respect for me and the distrust and that he thinks it's best if we seperate again. I'm so upset, I never planned for a baby this soon and now am terrified I will have to face this challange on my own. I asked my husband if he wants a divorce, he said "if I want one". I told him that I did not, but I needed to know if he wanted to work through this, he said not at this time but maybe in the future. For now he wants to take time apart. I read and tried to get him to read the book about surviving an affair but he never did get around to it.I don't know what to do. Do I just give him the time he needs and wait to see what the future holds, or do I get off of the rollercoaster and file for a divorce?

alittleblue,

I kinda get from your post that this baby is your H's child. If that's the case, I don't know if this particular board of this forum is the right one. I know it's title is "Pregnancy/Child" but it is in regards to a pregnancy/child of the A. But, in spite of that, I would recommend looking at and reading everything you can on this board about recovering from an A. From your timeline, it seems as if most of this is still very fresh, and time does need to be given for healing to even begin. You may also want to post on General Questions II. I wish that I had some better advice to offer, and wish you the best.

Tigger

tigger's right about the board, but as long as you're here, I've got one word of advice, gotten from the book "After the Affair" by Janice Abram Spring. In the early months after Discovery Day, you should both pretend your marriage is going to make it... a sort of "fake it 'til you make it" idea. I don't mean fake ALL your feelings with each other, but don't get into outside relationships and keep trying the Harley Methods listed on this site... Even you alone might save your marriage. It's worth trying... even if it doesn't work in the long run, you'll be able to say you gave it your best shot!

My quick 2 cents,
J
in recovery 4.5y and glad I stayed