Hi,

I initiated the conversation quietly last night. We had a very good talk. I said that I had found it, I had been angry, sad and sad about money spent on her. I said I thought I had put the receipt aside but that I could no longer find it. It was the truth, when I went to find it where I thought I had put it, it wasn't there. I had misplaced it in my anger, hurt, and confusion.

He handled it all so beautifully. He said he was sorry, he didn't think that he had spent $700, he said he did remember giving her a ring but that he didn't remember spending that much. He said that he knows it sounds stupid, but in his mind it was very important to never give her anything as nice as I had. (Don't know why that made me feel better, but it did.) He said he doesn't want me to walk around hurt and keeping secrets. He wants me to come to him. (I now have tears in my eyes.) He wishes I hadn't thrown the recipt out as he wanted to see it. He said that although it was sapphires, that there is no way it was a copy of my engagement ring. It was small stones set in a row. The receipt showed total stone weights and made it sound like my ring.

I later found the receipt in my pocket from the day before. I brought it to him. He looked at it briefly, he said it was horrible how he used to spend money like it had no meaning. I took back the receipt, tore it up, said it was a part of the old past, threw it in the garbage (where I said all pieces of that part of our old life belonged) and kissed him. We also agreed that we are bound to stumble across old pieces of "flotsam" (thanks JL) and that we should bring it up rather than harbor hurts.

He said he doesn't live in fear of my next question about the affair, he isn't waiting for the bomb to fall. He has been as honest as he is able to be given that he would rather forget the whole mess. He says he will always tell me the truth and I believe him. Part of what makes me believe him is he came to me a week ago and admitted something (non-affair related) that I had never suspected. I was upset at what he had done, it was wrong, immoral and illegal, but ever so much more grateful that he had come to me under no pressure and made himself right with me. He also admitted that this issue is why he had stopped hanging around with a friend. I had never understood the break in the friendship and thought this man was an OK influence, but he obviously is not. I like being the safe place my husband can come to to confess. No its not quite "confess" as that implies that I hold the power. It is more like I said, being right with me, being justified, a marriage based on equality because there are no secrets.

BTDT, I like that "ouch" statement. I have used it for verbal barbs before as he has a quick temper and sharp tongue. Both of which he has made great strides in controlling. I have also used "what an unkind thing to say" before with great success.

Thanks all for the help. I truly do appreciate the sounding board, empathy, and a place sort this out before I took this up in our marriage. I wouldn't have handled it so well without the help from you all.

Peace,
MJ

MJ,

As I read your post, I was watching the little snow flurries float down(Yes it's snowing right now, but I'm loving it!), and it warmed my heart! I am so happy that you were able to talk with Mr. J. about the receipt, and that it's put you both in a much better place! Just keep up the honesty, and you will continue to grow closer together!

Love,

Tigger

Dear friend MJ,

I had tears in my eyes as I read your description of the discussion of the ring. I am so happy that it went so well for both of you.

I also had a very comfortable discussion a week or so ago with Mr Lee. We talked for about an hour... no LBs at all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and he was much more open and honest about things in conjunction with the A.
ExOW also claims to have a ring that Mr Lee gave her, but Mr Lee claims that is a lie.
But, I do have a ring that he gave me during that time frame. A small Diamond Marquis(sp) that I have always wanted. After finding out about the A, I refused to wear it. It felt tainted.
Just this week, I reached into my jewerly bag and took it out. I began wearing it. I feel now that we have redeemed it together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Amazing how things can change.. with prayer and faith. And Lord knows we all have put a lot of prayer into our recoveries.

((HUGS)) to you MJ!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I miss your emails.. drop me a line sometime!!

MJ: That was a wonderful post. You and Mr. MJ are in God's hands and he's holding on to you and won't let you go!

A

Wow! (((warmfuzzies)))

I like this part where he said to you, "...he doesn't want me to walk around hurt and keeping secrets. He wants me to come to him..."

That's so wonderful. I'm so glad you didn't just shove your feelings away dismissing them as if they don't count.

*sigh* What a relief, huh? Now you can graduate another step. Congratulations! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

MJ,

Congratulations. I wish everything around here went this well!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MJ,

I am with K. It would be so nice if things did go so well. You did very well. Now could you go see Marie and offer her your wisdom?

God Bless,

JL

MJ,
I'm so happy for you that this turned out well. What growth! Congradulations for handling something that could've tripped you up, but didn't! WOW! :-)

J