My H and I have been together for 13 yrs. I was previously married at a young age and have two children from the 1st disaster. Meet my H through friends. We dated for six years before we got pregnant with our S. He moved in with me when I was five months pregnant with our S.
He did not want his family to know about the baby or my other children. Then he decides when I was eight months pregnant that we should get married. Well we did that. Everything seemed to be great until we purchased a home. At which time H decided that he would quit his job because he needed a break from working. He took up throwing darts seven nights a week, drinking all the time. I held down the fort (as my grandma would say) working all the time and even overtime to get the bills paid. He never spent birthdays or holidays with us. He always says he is not into that kind of thing. He makes references to not like people and hates communicating with people.
So after three years I filed for divorce (but could not go through with it) we were separated for two years but still communicating about the children daily. Then last November he decided that he wants his family back. Which made me very happy, but after a few months he started to behave like he did before after moving back with him he quit his job.
I had a gut feeling that something was going on. So I went and purchased a PC survellience for our home computer. Not six hours after installing it, I had him dead to rights about his affair. After confronting him about it he told me "HIS RELATIONSHIPS WERE NONE OF MY BUSINESS" Needless to say that set me off, not eating, not sleeping worrying about the kids finding out.
Then my D was in the car with me two weeks ago and asked me if "daddy had a girlfriend because he sure did not love us anymore" I believe I nearly crashed the car. I advised her that daddy has been having a tough time with some issues that he just doesn't want to talk about right now and that he loves Her and Her siblings very much. Needless to say she caught his conversation two days later with this woman while she was picking up the phone to call her friend. She has these crying spells quite often - her teacher keeps calling me. I keep trying to comfort her but it is not working. She wants me to kick him out, I have to keep reminding her that it is his apt.
Then I started getting emails from his friends with details of there get togethers. I again confronted him and he said it has been on and off for close to three years and that the others really did not count. WHAT THE H DOES THAT MEAN! Others - jesus my life did a complete 360 in less then two seconds. Now he is flaunting this relationship right in front of me, friends and family.
I keep thinking that he will out grow it. I must be crazy. Everytime I try to bring up the subject of what we are going to do about this he states "sorry can't talk got a date" He asked me to just ride it out until he is done. What do I look like a roller coaster waiting for the ride to stop. Anyway, I have been trying to keep my self busy with the children and work, but am seriously considering divorce not just for my own peace of mind but that of my children. And no we never argue in front of the kids.
When he sees or hears me crying he laughs and lets me to buck up, I will get use to it.
I don't have a fear of being alone, because 1. I am sucessful at my job and 2. I have my children. But I hate feeling like a failure.
At first I blamed myself for this A - do to my always asking if he is going to get a job. His answer to that was "well men have supported women for centuries now it is time for the women to give back" I said Hello I was sucessful before you came along - what makes you think I wanted anything from you other then your love and support. He told me love was a state of mind and people get over it. Then he accused me of being the one having an affair. I asked him what he was drinking and to kindly share since I would like to be as delusional as he is."
So my reason for posting this was to get some opinions as to whether divorce would be considered the way to move forward or to stay and try to work through this.
But as mama always says "once a cheat always a cheat" and if I am not enough for him now what makes me believe I will be enough for him in the future (other then paying all the bills - which I already do now). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
