Exactly 1 yr ago today my H broke it off with OW (b4 I ever knew about it) Two days from now was when I found out. I am having horrible thoughts and feelings AND wanting to know what I ever did to deserve this pain.

I told my H 2 days ago that I did not love him anymore as a W should love a H. That I wanted to - wanted to get my feelings back for him, but don't know how. I am sooooo scared that as soon as things get better between me & him that he will revert to the old person he has always been before. Even though he swears this has opened his eyes & it will NEVER happen again, why should I believe him? He has lied to me so many times - how do I know he is truthful now? I believe he believes what he is saying now - but what about 5 or 10 years from now when he gets restless again?

Yesterday he told me he doesn't know how to deal with what I told him about not loving him anymore. I asked "do you blame me?" - NO! he doesn't, but how do we go on from here? Is there any hope?

Still waiting for DNA court date - May 19th - soooo scared - I really think she is his! Have seen pics - could very well be! So scared - because DNA is final proof, but can't go on not knowing for sure.

Feel like I have to stay & try if for nothing else than my 3 kids with him. He keeps saying he wants to try for another child with me & even though I've always wanted a lot of children - now I'm too scared & EMBARRASSED - my whole family thinks I'm crazy for even considering it. I told him NO - not now - maybe never - even though that's what I always wanted before? What is wrong with me?

I really need help & all the counseling we have been through has done NOTHING for me. I just can't seem to get past this one. The 1st time with my best friend was hard enough. Although I must say he has treated this situation entirely different. He seems genuinely remorseful this time!

Please help me! I know I sound like a broken record, but I feel like a completely broken person.

Nic, before I write too much I wonder if you can tell me more about you.....

1. Are you a believer?
2. Why isn't the counseling helping?
3. What is it that you are afraid of - is it the finality of the child maybe being his? is it of being made a fool of? is it of staying with him? is it that you don't think you love him?
4. Do you really know how you feel about your H?

Hon, I completely understand your pain.

Before I get your answers, I'm gonna tell you something that BinThereDunThat told me once and it changed my attitude. She said, "If you believe you can't do it, then you won't be able to".

Waiting to hear from you.

A

You have done nothing to deserve this pain. God does not initiate nor author pain but He can help you decide what is the wisest thing to do for you and your children.

Your husband has done everything he could to shatter the trust that you were rebuilding after his first affair, didn't he? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

What does HE say he wants to do if the OC is his? Can you live with an OC and xOW in your life and your children's lives for the years ahead? And if the OC is not his? There is still the issue of his lying and cheating to deal with. I think you can decide with or without that DNA test what you can/can't live with...

He blew it bigtime didn't he?

To me, it doesn't sound like you are the one who needs extensive counseling, it sounds like he is the one who needs to find out why and how he could/would risk everything for extramarial sex? WHY??

I can't blame any of your questions or reservations about your future with a husband who continues to lie to you. All we have is our word and if our word ain't worth much, guess what? (fill in the blanks)

Our "word" is who we ARE!

Angelia - I don't know how I really feel about my H right now. I love him - I hate him - I see us working it out for the kids & me being miserablly lonely because I can't let go of all the pain he has caused me for 13yrs - 2 affairs/drinking&driving/# of car wrecks/all nighters, etc...

But I know I did love him at one point - I just can't remember when or how to get back there. We have 3 beautiful young children that adore their Daddy & live structured, healthy lives. I grew up in a broken, abusive, shattered home - to say the least & NEVER - I MEAN NEVER - want to see any child go through all I have been through at 32. I am very committed to NOT being like my mother w/umpteen divorces & ex's & never being happy so moving to the next ***hole!

Do I sound bitter? I'm not - just really depressed and confused. I can't leave, but I don't know how I'm going to stay.

I know I didn't answer all of your questions, but hope I gave you more insight inside of my head.

NicWatts

If you had all the money in the world and could care for your children in that way, if money wasn't an issue, would you leave then?

What good reasons is your H giving you to stay?

I have heard Dr.Laura say that love is not enough and for you, it does sound like you need more honesty than your H is capable of.

What about Plan B? At least until he can prove to you that he is honest and the affairs are completely over???

Have you considered calling Dr.Harley to help you formulate your plan for recovery?

If I had all the $ in the world I probably still wouldn't leave - He seems so sincere - I want to believe him, but am afraid to let my guard down yet again. I want this marriage to work, but to be honest I am just not capable of putting in my share of the work it is going to take right now!

I am so caught up in the whole OC thing that I can't see anything clearly right now. I feel like we are in limbo. The last time I remember being truly happy was about 1 or 2 months before the A started. I thought we were BOTH ecstatic over the birth of our 3rd child. We both were but I guess he couldn't handle his love feelings for us & decided to destroy everything. It's so confusing - all the things he said about where his head was at the time & why he did it. He says he was being selfish & trying to take away my self esteem so that he would feel better about himself.

It worked a little too well. I have no self-esteem now - I just know that to try is better than never knowing if it would've worked out in the end - 20 yrs from now. I know my mom regrets leaving my sister's dad all those yrs ago - wishes she would've stayed & worked it out - you can never go back - so I'll do everything in my power - but am having a real back slide right now & just need support & comfort.

I can't go to my family because they think I'm doing the wrong thing - I can't go to his family for obvious reasons. Most of my friends don't know what to say & counselors just don't help. I have lost my faith in God & life. I was attending church every Sunday & even taught Sunday school until this happened. Now I don't go at all except for holidays & such. I don't know if I even believe anymore. After all the misery I have been through - since I was a baby - why can't I just have a normal existence. I'm not asking for much - just trust & love & a monogamous relationship w/my H - I thought that was a given in marriage - but I should've known better after everything my Mom used to do behind her H's backs.

Gotta go for now - getting ready to tear up.