i just recently discovered proof of ws multiple a's. ws wrote that our youngest daughter real father is op she had affair with. when i confronted her about that particular stmt. she said that it was not true and that i was her real father. the problem that i have is that i don't believe anything ws tells me anymore. if she would lie and cheat on me - then she could have lied to me about who the real father is. i don't know if i should have a dna test done to find out for sure or if that will just cause more pain right now while we are trying to work things out. i am aafraid that if i wait too long though that it will open up new wounds when i do bring up having a dna test. since i have thought for the last 5 yrs that this has been my child, i love her and care for her just like my oldest daughter. since i have been her father in every sense - does it matter who the biological father is even if it is op? what should i do?

<small>[ May 01, 2003, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: lonesharkey ]</small>

What will your reaction be is the child is not yours biologically? I can understand it eating you up, and wanting to know the truth, but how much difference is it going to make? Thats the question you should be asking yourself.
If you found out that child is yours, then you have your peace of mind, but if you find out that the child is not yours then what? Will you love her any less? Will it change your outlook on raising her? What will the repercussions be?
I feel for you, and hope things work out for the best, whatever decision you chose.

Hi Lonesharkey,
I feel your pain I recently caught my wife in an affair. I now doubt the paternity of my son, which is unbearable. I personnally am going to have DNA done because I just need to know. It will also help me with my decision to reconcile or not. Hopefully this helps with your decision to know that you aren't alone with this terrible dilemma.

I would go for the the DNA testing now. Simply to avoid possible future embarassment, as a need for tissue typing, accident, cancer, etc. It would not be good to hear it from a doctor, later down the road, that you are not the biological father. Plus, if you stay with your wife, and the child you love, it could be important to know child's medical history.

I am one of the few that would choose to know, even if it hurts. I find truth to be healing. It was lies and deception that hurt me so bad, and my choices having been taken away from me.

Right now, the pain is raw. I,m sorry for your pain.

ember

I read my ps post. I didn't mean "raw" for me. I can see most would or could take it wrong. I meant "raw pain for the poster of message.

I am now 7 years, into recovery, with H. I now can say, I love him very much.

ember

If the child was a newborn, or if your W was pregnant and you suspected it might not be yours, I would have the test.

But in your case, for a couple of reasons, I would not. First of all, you have raised her for five years. You are her father, no matter what a DNA test says. Second, from a legal standpoint, after five years you are her father. If you were to divorce your wife, you will pay child support for this child, even if you are not the biological father.

The previous posts have given some very good reasons to have it checked. But, frankly, I would just accept that you might not be the biological father, and press on. If it comes up for medical reasons later on, fine. But she is your daughter no matter what.
Michael

Lonesharky,

Well, from the WW's view point, (but also realize that my H knew from the moment I did that I was expecting that the xOM was the "sperm donor") I think that if you love this little girl, what real difference would it make if you found out that she was not your's BIOLOGICLY . Would it change how you feel about her? Have you forgiven, or are you working on forgiving your W?

In our situation, we have decided that it's not necessary to find out for sure! I even brought it up to my H the other day, and he said he doesn't see the need, because we all know that she's his in every way that counts! In fact, he then looked at her, and said, "Cause we all know that you're Daddy's little girl, huh?" Talk about a heart wrenching scene! Now, we may do so at a later date, but it would be only for curiosity sake. XOM doesn't know of Abbi's existance, and we don't see the need to let him know for many reasons. In my mind's eye, he knew that there COULD have been a pregnancy, but never even tried to find out! So, he gave up his rights. The only Daddy that Abbi has is my H.

I think that you should look deep down and see if it is totally necessary to find this out for yourself!

I hope I was able to shed a little different light on this for you.

Tigger