I am getting married on 10/18/03. I just got a bombshell yesterday.... I received a Fed-ex letter from a 22 year old girl (we are 33) that said she gave birth to my fiance's daughter 10 months ago. She said that she has not contact with him, he has not seen the child. When she told him that she was pregnant, they agreed on abortion. He took her for the abortion and she didnt go thru w/it. He and I have been togehter for 7 years. We were broken up for a year (this is when this baby was conceived). I confronted him with the problem and he said that he was so sorry and that he was going to tell me about it. He went to the courts today and asked to be put on child support and asked for DNA. He said that he does not want to be a part of the child's life, just want to provide financial support. We spoke to the girl on the phone and he advised her that he did not want anything to do with her or her child. She was devastated (I guess she expected more). I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS CHILD EITHER! We have a 4year old and the kicker to the situation is that we have a 3 month old son, who he is a terrific father to , he also has a 13 year old whom we have custody of. He asked if we could start counselig ASAP to help us get beyond this, I am so lost and confused, what should I do??

33,,,,,, not trying to undermine the hurt you are feeling but i don't see the real tragedy in your story. the 2 of you were (in your own words) broken up for a year when the preg. occurred. there doesn't seem to be any infidelity to cause hurt on that count. not that someone you cared about being intimate with another isn't painful. but there was no deception or lieing. were you 2 broken up free to do your own things or not?

What I would do in your shoes, if it were me, is get some counseling on what communication means if you plan to continue on with your marriage to your fiance. I would go and do the DNA test, and pending the results, make arrangements via an attorney in regards to child support and contact etc.

If your fiance does not wish to have contact with the child, then you let the ex-ow know legally, (If the dna proves that fiance is father) and you both work on communication and get some counseling for marriage.

I would think twice before entering a marriage with a bombshell dropped like that...true, it happened when you broke up for a while, but some counseling would help you both have a stronger foundation for marriage and a lifetime of togetherness....

Just my two cents....

Regardless if you were married or not, finding out about things like this from the ex-ow is worse than if the wayward spouse or wayword S/O had told you themselves.....

Twiisty