I told him last night. I will tell the entire sad story if any of you are interested, but right now, we are both so so weary, and I am having trouble thinking straght (1.5 hrs sleep). Don't think I could type it out correctly even if I was thinking straight.

I do want to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to each of you that encouraged me to tell the truth. You were 100% correct. I regret many things in my life, and I have a long hard road ahead of me, but telling my husband about the affair and the probable origins of the baby, is something I already know I won't regret. However, as I was telling him the awful news, I could literally see his body go limp as his spirit emptied out of him. I felt like I ripped his heart out with a dull knife and smushed it on the floor. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> That is something I WILL ALWAYS regret, and never forget. It is not something I ever want to do to him or anyone ever again!!

I will tell you the ending to the first 12 hr. segment post-discovery, and what I hope is the beginning of our recovery and restoration. This morning, I found out that I am married to a man with a bigger, more forgiving heart than I ever imagined anyone could have! He pulled me up on his lap,and looked me in the eyes for the first time since I told him. He told me he forgave me, and will continue to forgive me. He told me I needed to forgive myself, wipe the slate clean, and start over. He asked if we could count the baby as ours, and raise it together, that it will be our own little secret together. (at this point, he doesn't want our children or anyone else to ever know, but isn't sure on how he feels about ever telling oc) He told me he loves me, I told him I love him. I hugged, and held him like I'm sure he's never felt me do. I sobbed in his chest, and I told him I would work very hard to some day earn his trust and his respect.

Thank you for the shoulders, the good advice, and for listening.
~aut

Autumn,

what a wonderful gift you have just given yourself, your husband and your marriage. I am sure it took alot of courage to open up and disclose this to your husband. I wish you, your husband and your family the very best.

And when you feel like sharing, everyone will be here to help guide you through the best they can.

Autumnday,

I cried as I read your post, and am crying for you now! For both the pain I know you both went through in the telling, and for the joy that you can now use to rebuild your M!!!! I am SO happy for you both! Now you have a chance to take care of EVERYTHING that caused you to be in the position you find yourself, but you no longer need to go about it alone! Please, if you need to, email, IM, whatever, I will be there for you! I am at a loss as to what else to say other than hugs, prayers, and anything else to help you and support you on this journey of recovery!!!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Autumnday}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,

Tigger

Have you read the MB books? I forget... Perhaps you guys could both start rebuilding with the Basic Concepts--meet each other's Emotional Needs and no Love Busting?

But first, you have to discover what each others' ENs and LBs are! You have crossed the start line and you have lots of work to do! Go for it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Autumnday,
I don't remember if I have ever posted to you, but I wanted to post to you now.

I want to second Tigger's post to you. I too cried as I read your post. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Being the BS, I am proud of you. Very proud. I only wish my WH had been brave enough to come to me with the truth.

God Bless your recovery. God Bless your child, Your husband... your entire family.

If you EVER need another shoulder to cry on.. another ear to listen... Please DO NOT HESITATE to ask Tigger for my email, my IM...

Hugs to you!!

Autumn,

I hope that you don't mind me nagging you, but I'd really like to see you take advantage of your situation (and your husband's love) by starting counseling with Steve or Jenn. Although this went well, you both have some fundamental marriage skills to work on. The books are great---but the personal coaching that Steve or Jenn will do with the two of you makes it 10 times easier.

Call 888-639-1639 to make an appointment.

And congratulations, both on your courage, and your husband's reaction. And expect the shock to take a couple weeks to settle in, at least!

What an emotional post. I am sure that we all took a second look and said what? wow! and a sigh of happiness and relief for you when we saw the topic. I hope this will be the beginning of the best of your marriage. You are off to a good start with what seems to be a terrific man. Hugs and prayers...

Autumn,

Listen to K about this. If for no other reason than a lot of little things and some big ones can be avoided, and the good thing is that your H doesn't have to worry about someone spilling the beans or learning of the appointments when doing this via phone.

In some ways you have a long way to go, but Autumn in someways you are where you are supposed to be. Remember that, for the first time in a long time you are finally with your H. Talk with him and remember he will have ups and downs, and sometimes anger. Since the both of you will be keeping this between you and you have other children, there will be a strong temptation to just stuff feelings and emotions, especially your H.

Think about talking with him about setting up times and places (out on a drive or something) where you two can talk and sort of air things out from time to time. You don't want him stuffing his feelings to put on a good face, only to have this turn into resentment years later.

If ever there is a time to be open honest, and establish the lines of communications this is the time.

You are to be congratulated,and you are right you do have an H with a big heart. I have just one question: Did he sort of suspect something from when you failed to confirm the child was his?

I look forward to hearing more from you and watching you two recover.

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ May 09, 2003, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

autumnday, I have an male friend that raised OC as the father. OC is now 19 years old, and his parents still haven't told OC that his father is not the biological father. He loved his wife, as your H must love you.

Your H's world just fell apart, and he loves you. You just have to be there for him.

Good luck on making the right choices on this path.

Your H has his choices back. Now, he can heal.

Wishing you well.

It's not always easy to rebuild.

ember

oc as his

Autumn: WOW! I am so glad that you are given the chance to reduild. I can't say anything that the others have not already said, just that I am happy, proud, and also offer any help I can give .
You should be so proud of yoursefl! What you did took great courage, as I too wish that my H had told me as well.
Keep us posted as to how things are going and ask for help, we are here to support you.
NGU

autumnday,
I was peeking in today and read your post.

What a good thing you did by telling your H.
Even if he says he wants to wipe the slate clean, he is probably in denial and shock. It will take work and time for you both.

I agree with K, that the Harleys will be the very skill you both need right now to move ahead.
They are remarkable!

Blessings for peace.
love,
Debi

Dear autumnday,

Your H sounds like one in a million! I also cried when I read your post. I remember reading your early posts and I know you were worried about breaking this news to him. But, he had all the right things to say just when you needed to hear them.

God bless you both as you start your journey to re-discovering and re-building your marriage.

As others have already pointed out though, there will be setbacks in your H's acceptance of this situation. We betrayed spouses try to put on a brave front sometimes, but there are days when the anger swells up. The good thing is, once we have made the decision to forgive and rebuild, most of us a pretty tenacious about staying on course.

But, as you know, it is so very hard. Counseling would be wonderful and the Harleys seem to be the best. You are both starting on a better footing than many of us did when confronted on D-day, so some professional guidance would really help you to keep your recovery going in the right direction.

Good luck to you both. I will pray for you that this child will bring you closer together and together you will heal your marriage.

Best wishes,
marie

Autumnday...
I don't know what to say exactly... but felt I had to say something.
What comes to mind is that I'm happy that you were able to be honest, and happy that you were able to comfort each other. He sounds like a wonderful man, and also that he loves you very much!
Take Care,
e.