My H and I work in the same building. I had been in a meeting for more than an hour. I just returned to my office with 2 of my colleagues when he bursts in with a flower delivery and hands them to me without a word.

When deliveries come, we are called to the reception desk to pick them up. So, I said to him "I was at a meeting. When they couldn't get me I guess they called you. I'm sorry you had to pick them up yourself" My H said, he would wait for me in the conference room (which is a few offices down) and left the room.

After I spoke a few minutes, my colleagues left and I opened the card on the flowers. Much to my surprise, they were from another colleague that I helped with a problem -- a woman -- who wanted to wish me a Happy Mother's Day.

I ran into the conference room and as I opened the door, I said to my H "Why did you let me think you sent those flowers?" Then I looked at his face...

He had been sitting slumped over with his head down. When he raised his face, he looked as though he was having a heart attack and couldn't breathe. His skin was ashen and his breathing was labored.

He said, "I told you I wasn't sending you flowers to the office. This is either going to be the best day of my life or the worst day. Who sent you those flowers?"

I walked back to my office and picked up the card. Returned to the conference room and handed it to him. When he saw the name of the lady, it looked like he started to breathe again.

He thought the flowers had come from another man! He even told me that while he was on the way to my office, he was going to open the card up but it was inside of the plastic wrapping. He was disoriented and afraid of what he was about to learn. What he was saying sounded sooo familiar.

For a moment, I felt good that he felt so jealous. But, then I thought about D-day and the intense and indescribeable pain I felt. And at that moment, I realized how much I love this man and I would never want him to hurt like I did.

Maybe, just maybe, I have truly moved to the next level of real forgiveness. He hurt me, worse than I have ever been hurt in my life -- but that is over. I just want to spend the rest of our lives making each other happy now -- not making him pay for it.

That's the second time in as many weeks that I felt proud and satisfied with myself. This is going to be a wonderful Mother's Day.

God bless all of you MBers. May you all have a happy and peaceful Mother's Day ... especially Twiisty the new mommy ... and Stacia the soon to be mommy.

Best wishes,
marie

<small>[ May 11, 2003, 07:01 AM: Message edited by: marieluvsrich ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

(Glad that your husband didn't really have a heart attack...)

Marie,

Congrats. I think you found the real meaning of forgiveness--putting down your weapons and surrendering the right to extract vengence. At least that's my definition. Forgetting the hurt is impossible for me. Holding him not-accountable is also impossible--he did it, no one forced him to, he is responsible for his choices. It wasn't her fault, she played a part in it and since this wasn't her first affair with a MM, she bears an even greater share of the blame than I would normally assign to an OW. However, no matter how much she may have thrown herself at him, he had every possibility to walk away. What I won't do is beat him up with it. He deserves to not fear that just around the corner I will be waiting to pounce on him. We all deserve to live a life free from that kind of fear. I don't know about you, but my H does a good enough job of beating himself up that he doesn't need any help from me. :-)

MJ