It has almost been a year since D-Day. I did divorce my ex-WH when he refused to come clean about what was going on. Since then the OC has been born. We have discussed reconciliation and I have met the baby. I really thought that I'd be able to accept this child for the innocent little guy that he is. But another reality check hit me today. It's Mother's Day. My exWH and I had no children together, (by mutual choice) but each had children from a previous marriage. Well, his daughter wanted to come and see me today which I thought was really wonderful. I asked about a new tatoo she had. It was a series of Celtic knots. I told her it was really nice, and then she asked me if I had noticed the initials on it. I hadn't. Like a fool, I assumed it would be her and maybe her boyfriend's. Wrong!!
I finally said, "Whose initials are these?" She said they're "so and so's initials." Well, one set of initials belonged to the OC, and the other was her father's and brother's. I just wasn't prepared for another level and layer of reality. Seeing those initials in black and white caught me blind-sided! I get so sick of this! Just when I think that I handling things ok, I get the wind knocked out of my sails again. I thought I could mentally and emotionally separate out the OC from his mother's and my exWH's affair. Now I'm not so sure. Reality is, my husband chose to have sexual intercourse on mutiple occassions with another woman. That hurts, all over again. I'm so tired of all the tears. (I guess I should have bought stock in Kleenex this past year!) I just needed to get some of my feelings out in a safe way. Thank goodness for this forum!

Lilymarie,
My d-day was in August, and OC is due this August. He told me in August he would never sleep with her again, but he did in Oct and Nov and now she is pregnant. He lied for months and I know I still don't know the whole truth. I was divorced In March. I am still waiting for reconciliation but it terrifies me to even think about it, because I wanted kids and he didn't right now, so the OC coming is going to be enormously difficult. I am not sure most days how it would work out so I trust in God to show me the answers. I don't know what to pray for exactly because i am unsure what God's will is. So I just pray for my heart to change and soften to the OC and I pray for OW and ex-WH to change and see God's light. And of course for me to change in many ways that would make me a better relationship partner. But today being mother's day has really stunk because i wanted to be the one who was going to be a mother....I can't imagine dealing with this for months and months more in a stagnant waiting period.

Adgirl,

I feel for you so strongly, like I said on my other post I do have children and I would never said the pain is any worst or better then your sitution.Either way it is wrong!!! Wrong really doesn't desribe it at all, but it is very intesence! So you found out in August and divorced in March? I haven't fully made a choice yet I am still with him but Unsure of my future Divorce is big on my list to do's I just want to take the time and make sure with no regets and know I made my decision with sound mind! But there are many days I just wish I did get divored.This place we are at is just wonderful.So hang in there and do what you can do and can live with.

Have a good day!! Your in my thoughts
Jill

Jaggerslady,
Thanks for the kind words. You are right, any situation like this is bad. Marieluvsrich wrote me on Mothers Day blues and it just ripped my heart out to hear her pain. It is awful. I did not want to rush the divorce, however, I was not familiar with MB site at the time and in Nov. I asked my ex-WH to wait until at least January to file the papers. He wrote me an email and said he would not wait because he wanted the pain to end and for us to get on with our lives. I didn't know then that they were still sleeping with each other. Duh. So I just cried a lot about it and he got meaner and meaner and Dec. 6 he brought me the Marital Dissolution Agreement. It was absolutely ridiculous. It said irreconcilable differences and he did not put any financial support in there for me and wanted me to pay off my own car when his car was a gift to us from his parents, so that wasn't fair (he slept with her in his car too and I wanted him to sell it but he wouldn't). Anyhow, I didn't know that I should really wait to file so I went to a lawyer the next week and they told me I could file for adultery since he had only done the MDA and not filed, and that I really should file first for financial help. SO I filed for adultery. All I wanted was the truth in there, and 6 months alimony, and my car paid off (only $1400) and lawyers fees. I didn't think that was much to ask. Then in Dec. he found out she was pregnant, but didn't inform me. Instead he started coming around and acting like he missed me. Which he did and I know that, but I should have known the truth. So he held on to the papers for a while. Which was fine with me. Then Feb. 15 he told me about the baby, we were going to try to work on things, went out of town to get counseling, then he flipped and said he had to be a full time dad and left me again, signing the papers I think it was Feb. 24. I tried to tell him that we should wait 2 more months but he just got really really mad and yelled at me and said I needed to sign them and get on with life, it was over. So after finding out more lies, I signed them and it was final around March 5. It stinks. I wish sometimes I had held out but I didn't want to look like an idiot. Plus my ex is not one to make decisions so he could keep me in limbo forever if I let him. I do believe divorce isn't the end, if God wants us to be together we will be. I know He can heal my heart regardless.
Thanks- you are in my thoughts too. How old is OC now? Have you met him/her?