well as i said in other post my chance to speak to om's w didn't come about. but mediator suggested that we all, om, his w, fh, & me, sit down and discuss what the 2 bs's feel along with other issues. om said he would have to check with his w. this was sort of odd as he has always said that if she doesn't do things his way in this then to bad. but we will see.

this is all what fh told me because i had to wait outside. things got started with an orientation of the different types of custody. om wanted joint. this meant that they would have to agree on everything from school & religion to diapers. highly unlikely. mediator (med) asked him if he had any preferances in the schooling or religion. his answer was i hadn't thought about it. she also asked since he hasn't seen grace in 3- weeks and has only seen her for a total of 4 1/2 hours in her life why he felt he had a right to joint custody. he had no answer.

fh and i want her to have for sole physical and we will have to go to court on that one as there was no agreement made on the subject.

the med then asked him why he hasn't been part of grace's life but for such a short time. his answer was that he would NOT see her at all except for the fact that he has to pay cs and his w is pushing him because of the money. seems to me he just opened his mouth and changed feet.

he started out wanting 2 days mid weeek with an overnight and every other weekend fri thru sun. fh expressed her fears about graces age and not knowing him for the over night part and they agreed on every wed evening from 4 to 7 and every other sat / sun from 9 -7 and 12 - 7 respectively with no overnights untill they BOTH agree tha grace is ready. med then told him that he is lucky because fh is being very generous in this department. she was concerned about the length of time on the weekend visits but decided to jump in and told om that if grace got to fussy for him to just call and we will pick her up or he can bring her back. she wanted shorter supervised visits at 1st but i explained to her that would probably make it harder on grace as she will never feel secure with om as long as she has mom as her crutch. she needs to learn that om won't hurt her and that mom and me sre always going to be here for her.

he was also told to go out and get an appropriate car seat that was made for grace's age and wieght. and not to expect to take her with him without one. he then asked "well where can i buy a car seat." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> what planet has this guy been on? good Lord this man has kids, hasn't he ever been in a k mart, target, wall mart, or a toys "r" us?

have to go to work for now, pops

Pops, the OM is delusional and I seriously doubt that any court will give him what he wants. This is not to say that you and fh should let your legal guard down, but to realize that the odds are in your and fh's favor that not only will his requests will be shot down but that he may end up getting a bigger financial hit than if he had not stirred up the legal waters to begin with. Just my poor layman's opinion.

tmcm,,,,, you are right about the getting a bigger financial hit. when we met with the attorney last week we told him om wanted my income to be considered in order to lower his cs. when attorney figured my income into the mix om owed more because fh was put into such a higher tax bracket that it made her income even less.

he also wanted her wages imputed as if she were getting 40 hrs per week. she works a split shift and sometimes only gets maybe 30. well he has the same type of job, school bus driver. his income was reported on working 9 months as there is no school in the summer. since there is summer school the mediator told him that they would most likely impute his earnings as if he was working 12 months a year instead of 9.

it seems every time om wiggles he pushes the boot farther up his rearend. we will not let that legal gaurd down as you said though. we are taking this very seriously and trying to cover all scenerios.

pops,
Does MM have an attorney? He does not sound very bright and by what he said he is putting his foot in his mouth. Just wondering. so are you guys going to court than? It sounds Fullhouse has been handling herself very well. I do not know if I would be able to do it.

Dawn

dawn,,,, om does have an attorney. one that is very arogant. this is the same as om so i guess they are a fit.

we are not taking anything for granted and although they may seem like shoe in results we are preparing for the worst. the attorney we have contacted knows his lawyer and says he has done very well in court against him. ours over his.

i don't know how serious his attorney is as our lawyer told us that om's att. is only charging him about 1/2 what his normal going rate is.

om as i said is very full of himself. he wants to send his and his w's kids to day care during summer, take off the whole summer and have grace every day so as to lower his cs. what about grace's schedule, our baby sitters (who is our oldest daughter) income, and why does he have to send his own kids to day care if he is home. also why is he allowed to only work 9 months a year when there is work available? shouldn't his earning capacity be based on a full years wages not just 9 months?

another arguement he had that perplexed the mediator was he wanted to choose the day care. the mediator kept asking him don't you think that a family member (grace's sister) is a better person to provide day care then a stranger. he just kept saying that is was his right.

he is just the type of guy that wants to be in control. my opinion is that he is just doing this because of the cs and to get under fh's skin. kind of teach her a lesson.

pops

You and fh seem to be handling things well. I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE BUT JUST WANTED TO SAY,, My thoughts are with you and it will work out. All the things you mentioned are reasons I have never wanted to go to court, I just dont want to deal with the mess. But I understand why you have to. MY hope is he[x-om] will grow weary and since his true colors are already shining through he will just dissapear.. its amazing how silly and ignorant people get when they have to go to court to pay child support.

I find it amazing people who want nothing to do with a child and have no love for him/her, would magically have love if the ow died or took them to court. truly amazing to me. It is merely a way to punish the ow for letting them get caught, You made me pay and i know the way to make you pay, through your child. sad but happens all the time.

[side note] Not talking about any one here dont jump to conclusions]

a good note, most people like that dont do it for long, because it is a heck of a lot of work to care for a child you dont love, and if you do learn to love him/her then you will do everything in your power to have a good relationship with her parents for the childs sake.
By relationship, I dont mean the way we do things, but just being civil, and polite and never saying any thing bad about either parent, step-parent, sibling. Because the child in question is entittled to love all involved.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Well it sounds like the xOM is setting himself up for something to backfire because the mediator kept nailing him and he seemed to be without many answers, based on your update... This might be easier than you guys think! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> xOM is making everything fall into place by his own lack of answers. Doesn't sound like he has thought everything through, does it? It certainly doesn't sound like he is really interested in bonding with the baby--not really...

mo5,,,,,, i didn't want this to go to court either. but it wasn't my choice. om wants not only to punish fh but his main motive is to lower cs. that is why he is pushing for so much time. it is part of the formula. also he is arogant enough to think that his equal right is to be able to take grace away from her mother. i think the guy has some good smoke as tmcm said.

1 week after visitation agreement in mediation he calls wanting to pick grace up for an extra day. since he only pays 1/2 his ordered cs on wed when he picked up grace i asked him if he intended to pay the other 1/2 this month. he said he told fh that he can't afford it. i told him that it wasn't her decision but the courts. no return comment. when he dropped grace off he again said to fh that he needs more time to get to know grace. why does this putz think he deserves more time when he doesn't even make his full cs payments. i know that cs and visitation are seperate but come on. hey here's a great idea. why doesn't om just move into my guest room so he can be around grace more? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

he also asked fh to please tell me that this doesn't concern me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> WHAT? i want some of whatever this guys been smoking.

btdt,,,,, i don't want to presume that any of this court stuff will be easy. we will prepare with our attorney like this were a life and death. the way the courts have ruled on this type of case inthe past seems very favorable for us but you here about these weird rulings every day.