I know this is an old topic, but since i'm getting closer to the reality of dealing with visitation and OC/OW contact...If I recall correctly, even with OC visitation, it is recommended that the former WS have no contact with the OW?? Some have talked about all contact going through a third party or through the BS. While I don't like the idea of my ex-WS having contact with the OW when visits occur, I'm not sure that I want to deal with seeing the OW. If I go along to pick up the child, it seems like I would appear so insecure to the OW. I don't really want to have contact with her on my own. Even though I've done nothing wrong, my ego is still pretty bruised and I don't think I could handle it if she has any kind of attitude about the whole thing. I can think of no third party that would want to be involved in the whole mess. Also, since the OC has Down syndrome, he is more prone to frequent medical emergencies. Do I show up any time my exWS goes to the hospital or clinic when she will be there? Obviously I need to discuss this with my exWS, but I'd like to have some ideas or direction to bring to the table. My exWS and I are working on reconciliation. Maybe I'm putting the horse before the cart and the OW won't cop an attitude, but I have my doubts. She's young (22) and known to be verbally loud and aggressive. Ideas anyone???

lily,
I don't think going along demonstrates a sense of insecurity, rather presents a united front. Do what is best for YOU.

I am actually the FOW and I am going through something similiar - see mu post on General. Due to XW's actions I am often the go between and the one to pick-up and drop-off. Honestly, I would rather he do it.

If she cops an attitude - hold your ground, be the lady you are, and do not cave in to her childish whims. You are his W and have every right to be involved w/ OC. Good luck to you. tew

lilymarie,
I agree with tew. Going along with my H presented a united front to the courts and the xOW.
In the beginning, xOW didn’t want me there at all. She tried to have the courts tell me I had no right to be at exchanges or in the courtroom, she even tried to have them tell me I couldn’t speak to her period! The GAL (guardian ad litem) told her that I was the wife, and I had every right to be involved. She even went so far as to tell her, “You messed around with a married man, NOW you must deal with his wife.” The referee even spoke to me about how I felt about the overnight arrangement.

Now, it has finally shifted. I am now the go-between. I had pushed for this many months ago… only to be shot down by my H. H finally began to see the foolishness that xOW had been playing and finally gave in to my request. Things have been much smoother since I “took over”, so to speak. xOW didn’t like it at first, but has since become much better about everything.

I had kept quiet for quite some time during exchanges and such… and when I began to speak up about things that Lil Bit was doing, learning, etc… I could see xOW cringe with the knowledge that I knew as much, if not more, about Lil Bit than she did.
Now we easily exchange little stories about what Lil Bit is doing now.. its rather strange… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

Stacia,
Strange - yes, I know what you mean. His XW will call to check on the baby and I often reflect during our conversations how odd it is to be sharing such intimacies about this child. For example, she used the potty at our home first. Weird.

One day I hope we will reach the comfortable phase. I have followed your story as well and glad to see things are going so well for you and hubby lately. God bless. tew

<small>[ May 20, 2003, 10:37 PM: Message edited by: tewjtm ]</small>