In terms of inheritance, by the time the OC in my world reaches 18,the OC will have received over 250,000 in today's dollars.

I think that is sufficient inheritance, don't you?

If the bio father is killed, all children (including OCs) would be eligible for death benefits through Social Security... This is one way children of the marriage could find out about their "other" sibling that can't be ruled out... All it takes is for the xOW to apply for death benefits through the Social Security Department... I believe these benefits are for children under age 18 who are unemployed.

Think about how you really would want the children to find out about the OC--from outside circumstances or directly from you? Either way, it ain't pretty, but I think your kids will respect you for being upfront and honest with them.

Thanks, that's where I am. I don't want them to find out after I am gone. I want them to know now and deal with it. Maybe even go forward and establish contact, now that she is 9 years old and we can conceivably deal with her with less invovlvement from her mother, the OW.
The OW fought my involvement, wanted to deal with my H, said the OC was theirs, my H's and hers. My feeling was I should approach this situation like I would if we had divorced, they had married, then divorced and he had to come back to me. I felt the best way to deal with her was like she was "an ex-wife".
My H just wanted to close the door on this chapter in his life, and walk away from her and the OC. I did ask if the way he treated the OW/OC was how he would have treated our children if we had divorced, he was horrified. He would never treat our children that way. ??!!??
Men who stray have such a confused way with dealing with their affairs. They are not dealing with reality when in the affair, and facing it afterward is sometimes sssooo hard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Yet somehow they expect the BS to handle it.
Why did I stay? He was and still is contrite. He loves me and I love him, in spite of his faults. If he could undo the affair he would. He has spent the last 10 years trying to make up for his failure to be a faithful husband. He has been faithful since. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shem on me" Anyone familiar with that. I would have been history if there had been a 2nd OW.
He IS a wonderful caring father to our children. They all know he loves them...
He would walk thru fire for them. I do sometimes feel the OC truly missed out, but for her to have had that father, she would have had to been ours fulltime and her mother nixed that. I truly could have taken her and loved her. I would not have deprived her mother of her, just let us be custodial parents. OH well, choices made, choices we live with.
We will celebrate 30 years together in Jan '04.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
TG

I wasn't going to add my 2 bits to this BUT darn it I can't help myself today! I really believe everyone has a right to their opinion, and really believe you have a right to leave your money where/ot to whom you want. I know some of you pay a lot of support and feel this is something you can control. I know why some of you would just leave $1 to the OC for legal reasons. But to me that sounds SO AWFUL to this OC who is just as innocent in this. If someone left me $1 I would think of it as a cruel ending for that person to get the last word in. These OC didn't ask to be brought on this earth under these circumstances either. Who knows what these OC even know of the truth. For them to find out because someone left them a dollar, and then they would have to live out the rest of their lives with even more questions and hurt. I would hope if you felt you had to leave something to the OC for legal reasons you could at least give like $500. and if you had enough to give to a charity to maybe give $1000. BUT otherwise don't leave anything. I think the leaving a dollar is super cruel...leave the OW a dollar to buy the next man a condom from the vending machine but don't intentionally hurt someone else that is innocent. My H has a child (but not from A) that child's mother has been a thorn to us just like she was an OW. We have spent thousands of dollars on court/lawyers. They live 1/2 across the country, she won't let us see him....we always send gifts, cards, money. But NEVER do we hear back...not even with a thank you. But our checks are cashed. If my H died tomorrow I would still give this child SOMETHING. It is the mother I blame...not the child. That is just how I am, when the x called years ago and was unjustly rude and mean to me. I was nice as could be to her. I don't need to stoop to her low level.