posted May 21, 2003 06:32 PM
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progress, but now this really f***'s things up! MNo one knows except for me, and my counselor. I don't think she knows that I am aware of the fact tho. Anyway, am about ready to plan B if he won't commit to me and leave her. He is also living with her and is laid off. I'm not sitting on the sidelines being at his beck and call when he can maybe get away to be with me and knowing he's with his pregnant lover every day. I know I should be posting on the other board but have been on this one the most. Just an update I guess. I am a lot stronger than I was and if this is how it's going to end then so be it. He's going to have to make a decision which he hasn't been able to in the past, so it will come down to me.

[ May 21, 2003, 09:19 PM: Message edited by: day by day ]

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There is more on the general questions board for reference. Thanks for any advice anyone can give me, especially if in same sit.

anyone? Now he's not talking to me for some reason, is acting very strange since I told him I found out. Is backing off and not seeing me.

I think you should go to plan B , why give him the time of day, if your seeing him while he is living with his pregnant lover, he has the best of both worlds, why should he make a decision, your enabling him to do as he pleases.

I would welcome him to the real world, untill you do, I dont think he will change.

And if he is just sitting there unemployed, is he providing for your family you have with him, and if not, why would you want him any way

Start making a life for your self and show him you can live with out him, untill yu do I believe he will just sit on that fence forever.
why not its so easy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He is suffering no consequences.

Just my opinion but I hate to see someone put themselves in a position to be treated this way.

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 08:51 AM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

I agree with that and I did tell him I won't sit by if he doesn't leave her. I am helping my D. move on June 2nd to Wa state, we are in MI. and am staying out there til the 18th. So he and I will be doing a lot of thinking. He probably doesn't believe me because I haven't been able to do it, but It's too hard. Every time I call him and he's with her he won't answer, or if he is doing something with her can't be with me. Also no evenings cause when she gets home from work, well can't take time away from that. He is taking care of everything financially and when I come back I will be getting a full time job, He is looking, he can't stand not working and has a good work ethic, just not a good moral ethic. I'm tired of being his security net. This is the 2nd OW, The first one he was involvved with for almost 2 yrs, overlapping with this one. And someone called the 2nd OW and told her about the first one so they are having problems about that now.

but when you do plan b, make sure you say "i love you and want you to come home and will deal anything i can to help you deal with ow/oc, but will not have a relationship at all with you unless you are committed to DByD and our family first". don't let him think you're quitting him completely, just the situation...

well I have been through my share of dealing with my husbands infidelities, more than I would like to have, and of course we have dealt with my own and our child from that, I know how hard it is to not want to let him go, we were seperated and it was one of the most difficult things we ever went through. He was dating like there was no tomorrow and I was home crying my eyes out.

took me along time to wake up and say enough is enough I am better than this.

Now things are pretty calm, he is wonderful to me and we have come so far, if only we had learned the skills to save our marriage years ago, but I figure never to late.

He is truly a changed man, and we are all better for it. I guess we have both changed but for the better.

Hard to get ow out of your head, this I know , but in time it lessens I dont think about it all the time any more, when I od, I dont think much of it any more, still a little twinge of jealousy, but thats it. it passes quickly.

Yes I did already tell him that and will again. It is not the child's fault just the parents! It just hurts too much to be with him knowing he is going back home to her. Our kids are all grown so his "obligations" to them have ended so much as money goes, but the two older ones are very upset with him and the younger one figures he won't get involved. He's 18 and out with friends but isn't graduating with his class and a lot of it has to do with dad not being here. But h. thinks they are all grown up so it shouldn't affect them and it is none of their business.

Daybyday asked about linking her thread from GQII to this one. Here it is:

DaybyDay's GQII thread link <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 11:23 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>