When does it end? I hate him. I'm trying so hard to be the "adult" and do the right thing, but at what expense? I never drank alcohol in 45 years; but now in the last 2 years I feel that is my only outlet. I hate the games, I hate the lies, and yet I keep thinking " I have to give my daughter the father she never had". If we break up now he will only go to "her and her daughter". Drinking helps me to forget. I hate him and all the lies I have to put up. I will never trust him again. He thinks all women are out to "get him". We are both running away from the truth. I know I am not innocent in this. I know I pushed him away; but what am I supposed to do? My life has always been trying to "please" someone else and to "do the right thing" no matter what it costs us physically and mentally. I love my children, but I don't know how long I can keep up the charade. I long for someone to talk to without having to measure every word and pretend "everything is just fine". I hate what he's done to me and my children. I HATE him. Is this anyway to live? Sorry. Just needed to vent.

Please put the drink down.

Drinking does not make the problem and the pain go away. It will still be there later. You have to feel and deal with the pain to get better.

Your daughter needs you

Please for yourself and her, don't go that route.

Many a times I have thought, I want a drink, I've wanted to resume smoking. Eventually, common sense would prevail. Why do I want to hurt myself by smoking and drinking. It does not hurt them, it hurts me.

you cannot give your "daughter the father she never had" if he doesn't 'permit' (GOOD mother could be quite enough!)

you "hate what he's done to me and my children"' - yet YOU allowed him to do so!

what sample do you give to your daughter - living with someone hating him? drinking to escape from fighting for better life??
life doesn't finish when you are 45, just opposite - with all experience at that age a new beggining can be very promising!