dscheller,
Yes, the courts do look at it a little differently. If the mother is single, she is basically the SOLE custodian of the child. Until she files for child support or the father files to establish paternity.
Should she be married, she and her H are considered the Legal parents, until they either file against the OM or the OM files to establish his paternity of the child.
As far as 50/50 custody of an OC (not a child of a marital union) goes, in our experience, it helps to have been involved with the child from the beginning. Not that the WH has to be at the birth, but that he and his wife be in contact with the child as quickly as possible AFTER the DNA results are revealed.
We filed, before Lil Bit's birth, to establish paternity.
In our situation our attorney instructed us to have NO CONTACT with the OW and OC until the DNA results came back that the OC was my H’s child. We had minimal contact, mainly through email that I monitored closely (even wrote some of them myself) and one visit that I was present for at H’s workplace when Lil Bit was one week old.
When the DNA results came in, we arranged with OW to see Lil Bit. She was 5 wks old at the time. She let us take her for an overnight stay, right away.
After a month of visits, such as this every other weekend or when OW went in for her “tubal” and when she returned to work and H & I watched Lil Bit every day… H became tired of the filthy conditions in which OW would bring Lil Bit to us H contacted the Dept. of Children’s Services. They came and checked Lil Bit over… and so began a floodgate of circumstances that was disastrous for OW. And long drawn out court appearances for all of us.
OW also has a terrible history. She had given up one child for adoption, before his birth, and then his father stepped in and took him. OW has never seen him. Then her 2nd child was removed from her custody for Failure to Protect. He was beaten with a chain-link dog leash when he was 4 yrs old. He had marks on his face, neck and upper body. He also had hand print bruises on his buttocks. At first, OW claimed to have done all this damage to her son… then when confronted by the investigating officer and told that she was looking at major prison time, not just county jail, she said that her ex-boyfriend did it.
Hence the Failure to Protect charges. Custody of the boy was given to OW’s mother and grandmother.
Knowing that her history was not “stellar,” the courts were very generous with custody and time given to H. H was granted Joint Physical Custody and when the dust settled on the time that was agreed upon, we had 51% of the week, Court ordered.
Things have changed, somewhat. The exchange on Sundays has changed, from 9am to noon. OW gives up time with Lil Bit regularly. She will call or text message us and let us know she has to go out of town or something has come up that she can’t make it to pick up Lil Bit.
Some people think that we are allowing OW to take advantage of us… and they are right. We want OW to continue to do this, as its all the better for Lil Bit. As long as she is with us, we know she isn’t being placed in a situation she shouldn’t be in.
Bonding with the child is a BIG plus when the courts take a look at situations such as this. There have been cases where a man has taken responsibility for a child he believes is his, but when the DNA comes back the child is not his. Then when it comes down to child support, the court sees that this man took the role of FATHER and now he is considered that child’s father… + DNA or not.
Not all situations are alike… Not all courts are going to consider every angle. Our case was very different than most because of the History of the OW. Her own past worked against her.
Also, I attended EVERY court appearance with my H. We presented a United Front to the courts and OW. The referee (judge) even spoke with me about how I felt about being a major caregiver in this, as my H works 3rd shift and it would leave me alone with Lil Bit nearly every night she would be with us.
Good Luck in whatever you and your H decide to do.
