Well, as irony would have it I came in to post an update on Monday and was surprised to see that Tim had posted Sunday night. The post broke my heart even when I think that it can't be broken anymore than it already is now. It side-tracked me for a few days and even though he tells me that our marriage is over it's hard to not hope for God to work wonders in us and through us together. That being said...here's where I stand.

I got the results back from the DNA test and Matthew is the OM's baby. Tim didn't run and still ended up spending time with us after finding out which confuses me somewhat because he is involved in a sexual relationship with someone else. I think the "fog" has set in there so I can understand somewhat because I was there last summer. I don't think he views what he is doing as adultery though because I think he's felt like he's single since we seperated in January. Unfortunately this seems to be the way our marriage has gone the last couple of years. One does something then the other has to do the same. I had hoped and prayed that Tim would give our marriage a chance with us both having a relationship with God. He even admitted a couple of months ago that if we tried it with us both having a grounded relationship with God it would work, just he doesn't want it to work. I know God gives us the option of free-will and it sucks!
I am committed to our marriage and to Tim and even though he intends to file but hasn't I am not going to back down from what I think God is telling me. I read a VERY good book called Sacred Marriage that asks the question, what if God intended us to treat our spouses as Christ treats the church and not just for our pleasure. It would change the way we react, talk and love our spouse. It also showed me that God will honor my committment to Tim even though it is one-sided and I get nothing in return from him. That is the hard part, not getting anything in return and trusting in God to supply all my needs. So far it's been good for the most part. I have had a couple of days that I have slipped and vented and not trusted God, but thankfully those are few and far between.
My counselor from church (who has seen us together and Tim individually as well) tells me that I'm a completely different person than I was when I first started seeing her in January and others around me have said the same thing. I am so grateful that God has worked with his mighty hand in my life. I lean on him instead of trying to control things myself.
Matthew and I are still living with my parents. I have been looking for an apartment this last week and want to be into something sometime in July. It isn't how I ever thought life would be, raising a baby on my own, but my consequences have been high. God will take care of me this I'm sure.
I haven't reached the OM yet, he's in Iraq, and it feels like I am disrespecting Tim to do so. He told me I should, counselor says I should but to tell him that I don't want contact. I haven't met with a lawyer yet to find out exactly what legal rights OM has at this point. Tim is considered the legal father in Ca.
There are many things I regret about my actions and Tim's actions during this marriage. Bottom line is I know we can have a marriage that God will bless abundantly if we can both be spiritually mature and obedient. What a testimony we could have as a couple if we could go through this fire and come out shining. I know God is going to use me in this area in some way in the future. I only hope my experience can keep someone from making the poor choice of turning to someone other than your spouse.
Matthew is 6 weeks old already and he is such a good baby. The times Tim has spent with him have been sweet, he is so good with him. I know Tim would be a great dad. Matthew brings joy to my life in a way no one could've ever explained to me before he was born.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. I know that the few who have contacted me off-site have blessed me and lifted my spirits. Thanks for that, this is what this site is about.

Patty
1 Cor. 2:9
Luke 7:47

butterfly,,,,,,, good to here from you again. i am glad that you seem to have found peace and strength in all this.

must say that i think tim just needs more time. he seems still very bitter from all the hurt this has given him and he is also probably dealing with a tremendous amount of broken pride. i still suffer from he pride issue now and then. i have also given thought to the get back affair but relize the distruction it would cause. from his last post combined with information that you have supplied his other relationship looks like it is one of the get back nature. his post sounded like he has lost his faith in relationships vitually dooming the one he is in now. with continued counseling he will undoubtedly realize how much he loves you.

question about what area of ca do you live in and if it is soutern ca would your church be Saddleback? good to here from you, pops

Hi Pops,
We are in Southern Ca but more south than Saddleback. Is that your church? I just finished the 40 Days of Purpose with my church and we are going to start the individual purposes in more depth. Have you done this study?
I am hoping you are right about Tim. I have pretty much lost hope in reconcilliation because Tim is so hurt and so adament that he doesn't love me or want to be with me anymore. I am sticking to my committment and won't give up on him. He's a good man and can love Matthew and be the parent to him that he needs.
I have a great respect for men like you and K who have taken this challenge and shown the character that you have to stay in your marriage and love the OC as your own.
Thanks for responding,
Patty

butterfly,,,,, yes we have been attending Saddleback for about 12 years. started going when some friends from little league recommended it. i have not done the 40 days deal. we are in the middle of a series called the marriage matrix, how to give your marriage a makeover. after fh's A i stopped going for awhile. i quess i was blaming the wrong Guy. any way i went off and on for the last 2 years and decided to start again. low and behold they start a series on rebuilding marriages. this was a sure message from Above. the one problem with Saddleback is its size. it is so big that it is easy to feel lost. 6 services every weekend with approximately 3500 each.

i have thought of offering our story as a testamonial also. fh would never do it though. maybe the next time they do a series on marriages.

have a great weekend, pops

Hi Flutterby-

Long time no hear...I was worried about you and decided to peek here to see if there was news.
First off- Congrats. I am so happy for you.

Now:

I don't think you should give up. I think that Tim is dealing with other issues as well as your A, but he's hiding behind the A.

Is he possibly beating himself up for all of the fertility issues that you have experienced? How is this child imapcting him in that regard? Have you pondered this at all?

Maybe he is turning to this new woman to test this out subconsciously.

Can I contact you offline?

God Bless you, Tim, and Matthew