During the closing hours of Father's Day, I am collecting my thoughts while my H watches a war movie (his favorite -- I despise them)
Out of the blue on Friday night, my H told me that he had to go to the City early in the morning on Saturday. He did not add any additional information, and I had a very bad feeling. So I asked him why he was acting so coy and not telling me where he was going.
He said that he had promised his daughter (a grown woman from a previous marriage) that he would go to a prayer breakfast with her. She is very involved with her church and my H says she keeps asking him to come visit her church.
I told him that the way he casually mentioned that he would be going to the city on a Saturday was a major trigger. This is the kind of behaviour he exhibited during the A. And, he used to regularly use his daughter or son from a previous marriage as the reason for his being away from home.
I also told him that the fact that he did not offer any additional information made it appear that the statement was not true. My H became very defensive and started telling me that he would cancel but he had already put her off so many times about going to her church that he did not feel comfortable doing it again.
The more I thought about it, the less I felt comfortable with the whole setup. So, just before going to bed on Friday, I told him that I did not think he was being completely honest and I asked him to tell me the whole truth.
He became upset and told me that he thought our marriage was on track and that I trusted him again. Is this how it is going to be forever? You second guessing me and not believing me? He went on for a while, but I maintained my position that I wanted to know the whole truth. I ended up sleeping in the guest room.
Saturday morning he work early and left in his suit with a camera and four rolls of film. (Hmmm?) He did not return home until 9 p.m. at night and he had some literature that was handed out at the prayer breakfast. He also had popcorn and a soda from a movie theater and said that he and his daughter when to see "Matrix Reloaded".
I woke early this morning to clean up and wrap gifts. While I was going through a box of papers that came from work, I found a receipt for a private voicemail service. The service was started in April 2003 and expires in July 2003. Major trigger -- this was one of the ways he kept in touch with the ex-OW.
When my H woke up, I confronted him immediately and asked him why he was not being honest with me. At first he would not answer and walked away. Then after about 10 minutes he returned with a piece of paper. He said that he was working on a legal matter involving his ex-wife and he needed the voicemail for the lawyer to leave messages. There was also some information about Las Vegas and hotels scribbled on the paper. He told me that he had been working on a second honeymoon in Las Vegas and he did not want to leave our home telephone number.
Needless to say, I did not believe him one bit. So, today was a very strained day. We went through the motions, but both of us were feeling the anxiety because of all that has been happening.
I asked him if he wanted to leave. He told me that he loves me and he has no interest in leaving our marriage. He wants to be married to me. But, I really feel that something is not right.
I must say I have no real reason to doubt him. Before yesterday, there has been no unaccounted for time in his week. And, we do everything together. This could be an innocent event that he handled badly. For now, I am just going to watch and see what happens. But, it really put a damper on what should have been a beautiful day.
Hope your celebrations went better and were not too painful for my MB friends.
marie
