WS had ONS w/ a woman he asked me to take to work. She was bar trash that is why I did not want to take her but I obeyed my WS. As a good Christian I even attempted to befriend her and got burnt. The OC was born exact on the calendar to the ONS and looks like WS and WS's 1st kid he pays CS to. OW said she wants nothing but is now telling people he is dad and visits WS's father and step mom.

WS 1. Says he is not definite it is his 2. Doesn't want test cause can't afford another 25% going out and hopes a new DAD will want to adopt the kid someday and want to be in OC's life.

What does OW want? Also, I can't respect him for not taking care of his responsibility wouldn't it be the right thing to do to find out, pay the money, and even not visit if he doesn't want a relationship.

I will have no peace until I know whether OC is his or not, and if so until he is supporting it financially. Maybe then I could gain some respect for my WS. Am, I wrong.

(He is working pretty hard on our relationship but I can't move on waiting for the state to hit him upside the head and reality to set in his brain.)

DDAY 12/02
OC born 8/02
Married 6yrs
CS to son born 96
Our son born 98
WS 30
FW 31 and pregnant

rose97,

Well, I would try to encourage your H to at least get the testing done, and CS started. I say this because if he waits till the state contacts him, it could be more than just 25% due to arrears being added on! The quicker this is taken care of, the smaller the amount of CS is determined(due to arrears and stuff like that).

Hopefully someone with more advice will be along soon.

Tigger

I know what it's like to need to know. The xow in our situation told us she was pregnant a year ago and we still don't know whether she really was or not. My h said he wasn't going to worry about it until he got served by the court. I told him I just couldn't live like that. He finally agreed to let me hire a pi this week.

If there is a child and DNA proves that it's his, he doesn't want anything to do with it. Though I don't relish the thought of having to have the xow in our lives for years to come (she is also bar trash), I have guilt over the thought of the child growing up knowing that its father wanted nothing to do with it. I've asked my h several times if he is sure that he can live with his decision and he says yes. Ultimately, it's his decision. You can't force a relationship that isn't wanted.

I know you can do the swab test independently...there are web sites and you do everything through the mail. It is cheaper that way too. At least he could know if it is his child for sure then go from there.

rose,

IMO, first find out your state's laws. In some states, as tigger said, back child-support could kill you. But in other states, child-support (after DNA testing!) dates from the claim-forward (no back due). Find out which sort of state you are in and act on that information to protect your family financially; maybe money's no problem for you, but some families are sorely hurt by child-support. Personally, I'd consider what the child-support could do to my family before I'd pursue this, esp. since your H and the XOW seem happy with the way it is.

Second, IMO, your in-laws shouldn't be involved, esp. when there's no DNA re:your H. XOW sounds like a needy person getting sympathy where ever she can, but that's crossing inappropriate boundaries.

Your respect for your H is based on your belief of what a man in his position should do, but not everyone agrees with what he *should* do.

Since he's admitted to infidelity, then your marriage could use counseling and the wonderful Harley principles found on this site.

I hope you find peace and healing.
J
in recovery 5y