Thanks for the responses from people, I thought this board was for people in my situation but guess not. I read something yesterday about people not being the same here and not being supportive, I guess that's true. I'll just stay on the gen questions board and forget this.

Are you being sarcastic?

Dear D by D~

I don't know why some posts get responses and some just seem to sit there. I am still pretty new, and sure can't offer much in the way of advice, as I am in the learning stage. Also, I am the ws. I feel really really badly for all of you BW & BH, but I am certainly the last person to be trying to dispense advice, at least dealing with the "hot" issues of A's. I can only speak for myself, and why I didn't post to you.

I think your situation is relevant on this board. I do have to say, it was a little confusing to me in parts, but that may just be me. I'm 40, pregnant, and more absent minded and slower than ever!

You opened by saying the ow is P. You mentioned you read his journal and it said he wanted to have children w/ ow, much to your surprise because before the affairs he had always talked about the day you two would finally be alone. You said you knew it was something he was just writing, but it hurts so much? Did the journal entry have a date, did he express his wishes before or after he found out she was P? Not sure that's relevant, just curious, and trying to figure it all out. Do you know for sure ow is P, and that it is his? Perhaps if he hasn't been forthcoming w/ her, she hasn't been forthcoming w/ him? Just a thought.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Seeing so my dreams just fall by the wayside. Feeling old and used. I still see him, he says he is confused but it is getting harder and harder to be around him and see how little he cares about hurting me. The OW on the other hand knows nothing otherwise she would probably kick his butt out. I don't know if she should know or not. He says if I tell her it would be over with us, but it probably is anyway. He's only worried about himself being hurt, not either one of us. I am sick of the selfishness and lies. And I'd like to ask her where the H*** she gets the idea that just because he was seperated that she should go out with him, he's still married. I mean, if you are on the internet and looking why would you go for a guy that is saying seperated and not single or divored? What a fool. She will end up being hurt, because he won't stay faithful to her either especially with a baby coming and being stuck again. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is where I got confused, but now that I re-read it...I'm guessing she supposedly doesn't know he is still a very much married man? I know I said I wouldn't give advice, but from everything I've learned on here and I'm sure you have to, she should know the truth, and that it is ok if it comes from you. He is your husband, and you have every right to let her know that. To let her know where you stand. That you want your marriage, and to ask her to step aside. Ok, I'm feeling really uncomfortable, not on really firm ground here, but I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong.

You mentioned affairs? Forgive me if I'm totally lost, but is this the same internet ow from 2001?

Maybe a little clarification of your story would help you to get responses? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I honestly don't think anyone is being rude, as I have found ppl to be very understanding and helpful.

I too miss the "oldies" that used to come around more often, it seems there are just a few that are still consistent. (hi tig <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) I see most of them on the other boards though. You probably know all this, since you have been around way longer than I have. Possibly they respond where they feel they can be the most helpful? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

This board seems really slow to me, but it's kind of an "exclusive" (for lack of a better term) issue, but Thank God, right!?!

I hope you don't leave, but I also hope you get the help you are searching for!

Sorry if I didn't make such sense, really tired right now, and need sleep!

My heart goes out to you!

(((((day by day)))))

~aut

<small>[ June 26, 2003, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

Autumnday, thanks for your response. My H. had written it before she got pg. He may have thought he meant it but why a 45 yr old married man of three grown children would want to get into that mess is beyond me. She knows he is married and apparently doesn't care. He was in an apt. and was still seeing OW #1 when he started with her, so she knows he is def. married. And she recently found out about him being with OW 1 and was quite upset. What I meant was that she doesn't know that him and I are seeing each other and go out and have a physical relationship. Otherwise he would be history. Course now she's a bit stuck because of her being pg, and her job is lousy and can't pay her bills. He is laid off and we are going to be having money problems too. Also if you go to the gen questions board my 18 yr old son was in a bad accident Weds. and needs more surgery tomorrow on his jaw, he'll be laid up for quite awhile. So everything is kinda falling apart, and I am just too tired to play these games anymore. So to answer your question about OW's this is his second serious one, had a few flings last summer, but now is exclusive with her. I am going to try to talk to a minister and he said he would too, but right now don't have the energy to do anything except see to my son.

Day by Day,

My heart goes doubly out to you! You are dealing with so much at once. Thanks for clarifying your story, but my, what a mess your husband has created! I am the one that created the mess in my M as you know, so I guess I'm like the pot calling the kettle black. However from what you say, your H is continuing to stay in the mess, and not cleaning it up yet. Hopefully the visit to the minister will be the step in the right direction for the 2 of you.

Is he willing to at least read some of the Harley books, and read the MB concepts? Did you guys do all that after d-day of ow-1? Was recovery going well at any point after that 1st d-day? You don't have to answer my Q's, I know you are exhausted with all that is going on, and now your son's hospitalization. I will try to look for some of your old posts.

You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of yourself,
~aut

I think Men when they are seperated think they are now free to do as they wish and are free to date openly, after all they moved out didnt they.
My husband acted like he was in disney land and dated many women during the time we were seperated. He thought it was his right.

Must be a man thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> However the entire time, he watched my house, to see what I was doing, go figure <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I think Men when they are seperated think they are now free to do as they wish and are free to date openly,
Please don't put us (men) all in the same boat.

Chris- I don't think that way! It is just people that want to do what they want to do and think there are no consequences.

daybyday,
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like your h is going through some sort of midlife crisis and is not thinking clearly at all. Don't lose hope, but don't put your life on hold either.

mof5,
My h waited one whole month to start seeing someone else. And he didn't ease into it either, he just dove right in. He introduced our daughters to her before I even knew she existed! I had to hear all about her from my 9-year old. I still don't know what he was thinking.

just teasing chris, dont get offended. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I still don't know what he was thinking.

My guess is he wasnt.

Me? Get offended? Hah! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />