...I've come to explaining my journey since the affair. I've written poetry in the past, but haven't been inspired for quite a while. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Come to me Forgiveness
Remind me of the lessons I've forgotten
Give me the key I yearn for
To open the treasure box of Freedom
Freedom from this five-year sentence
Of grief, pain, anger and insecurity

Take me on a journey
Destination- the place I was before
Everything happened
Before innocence was lost
And Doubt became my best friend
Honesty, Trust and I don't get along anymore
I push them away
They can't live in my cluttered mind

I wear a body armor of suspicion
Everything HE does, intensely scrutinized
Looking to the North for guilt
When in reality, it lives in the South
Or doesn't exist at all

My middle name was D-
Now it's Paranoid
All the while not realizing
That the "success" I search for-
Finding HIM guilty again
Could mean the end...

THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE!!

Michelle,

What a great way to express what you are going through! I'm not completely familuar w/your story, but being able to express youself in such a way has to be helpful to you.

Tigger

Here is michelle's other post:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=35;t=003704

Your recovery sounds pretty normal. I don't know if things can ever be what they were before the affair... There's just no going back. With OC in the picture, that makes it even more difficult because of financial and/or contact issues.

I think it is a good idea to allow yourself to grieve over the loss of what you had or what you thought you had.

I think that a person who gives in to infidelity must always struggle with the temptation and do the necessary work to keep our own grass watered so the grass doesn't look greener on the other side. Our pastor always says, water your own grass, it'll get green too! And, the grass may look greener on the other side, but that grass needs mowing too! In other words, green grass on the other side is a myth.

Hang in there! It's good to be honest about your feelings. Are you able to share this with your spouse? If so, how does he take it??? Is he understanding and empathetic?