This is not really oc related, but since you all have been friends for so long, I wanted to share it with you. Last weekend, my ex-husband did not take the children for the weekend like he usually does. The boys were extremely disappointed, as they are accustomed to seeing him every weekend. So, he told them he would compensate by picking them up early today, the forth of July. We made plans to meet him at 10 this morning. He spoke to the boys yesterday on the phone and reassured them that he missed them too, and was very excited about seeing them after an absence of two weeks. This morning, we got to our usual public meeting place at 10 sharp. We waited patiently for one hour, while the boys looked feverishly at every truck that passed that even bore the slightest resemblence to my ex's. Then, thinking he may have broken down, I took the chance of going to his house. When we got there, everything was in the house except for his personal clothing. He left all of the boys clothes and all of their toys and all of our former marital furniture. When I realized that all of his clothing was gone, I drove to one of his friend's house, and inquired there. Looking distressed, that friend explained to me that Charlie had moved to the Poconos, four hours away. Not only did he not tell the boys he was going, or even tell them goodbye, he let them sit and wait for an hour for him, thinking they were going to spend the holiday with them. What a cruddy thing to do. The boys are devestated, especially our 11 year old, for whom this holiday will go down in infamy as the day their dad abandoned them. Considering that he has absolutely nothing to do with the oc anymore, I can only assume he has grown tired of being a father to our four little boys as well. I am beside myself.

-cd

((((((((((((CD))))))))))))))

My heart feels for your boys....my ex (Wild Bill) abandoned my two girls for 7 years and just now got involved in their lives....I can relate to some of those feelings....*sigh*.....some things we just don't understand....

Sending hugs and prayers your way,
Twiisty

cd,
I could just sit down and cry for your boys. I know first hand how I hurt my own boys but I could and would never have abandoned them. It was my boys that helped me keep what little sanity I had during those very dark times. Love them, hold them close, let them know that they are special to you. Make sure they know that it is not their fault.

Dear Lord, CD,

I'm so sorry for your boys and for you having to watch their pain. I can think of several cuss words to describe your X. Abandoning them is one (rotten) thing... to do it in such a horrible, teasing way is... beyond description!!

So sorry and a prayer for healing you all,
J.

Dear cdcollins,
Sheese! I can believe what your XH has done, but I really feel for the boys!

They have gone through so much in their young lives due to their fathers' selfish choices. Having said that, it still is not easy for them.

You have come such a long way in your own personal life cd. Your strength and fortitude is admirable. Your boys are so lucky to have you for their Mom.

Now, how is that new relationship coming along? Maybe the Lord will send someone to help you help guide those boys. I'll say a prayer for all of you.

So sorry this has happened to all of you...

love
Debi

Thanks, everybody, for the thoughtful words. This was one hell of a rough weekend. The boys cried a lot for their dad and generally acted out. Midway through the fourth of july holiday, I broke down from the stress of it. I was simply overcome with a feeling of complete and utter dread at the idea of raising the four boys all on my own. It occurred to me that if my ex is no longer in the picture, there goes my study time. In addition, I began to wonder exactly what would compel the new man in my life to stick around, now that I would have the boys with me all the time, with no more freedom to go places alone - like dates. It is not like we haven't incorporated the boys into our relationship, because they really do like my boyfriend, but I feared that being tied down constantly would make him run like the wind. ANyway, as the boys cried to themselves about their father, I broke down and began sobbing as well. My boyfriend walked in and was, of course, totally at a loss. I told him what had happened - that Charlie had taken off, with no word on whether he was ever going to see the boys again. He said, "Ok, so I know why they're crying....but why are YOU crying?" I said, "because you are not going to want me anymore now. Who in God's name would want the responsibility of a single mom with four children and no help from the father at all?" He looked at me and said, "Don't you dare presume to tell me what I want and what I don't want. I knew you had four boys when I fell in love with you. The only difference now is that we'll have to be a lot more creative and work harder to get your study time in and our personal time in. It will mean some juggling, and it might be tough, and I have to admit, you have just been handed some real lemons, but baby, I am a tried and true lemondade maker." At that point, he got on the phone and called up a friend who was having a picnic and got us an invitation. Not only was there a picnic to take the boys' mind off of the problems at hand, but said friend was the person who actually was in charge of setting off the fireworks over the lake. We ended up eating and playing and having a close up view of the fireworks. It was fabulous. What started out as a truly lousy day ended up to be the nicest fourth of July I have ever had.

Still no word on my ex, or what he is doing. He has not even called the boys. They are still very much out of sorts, but I am feeling better, and I know we will make it through ok in the end.
-cd

CD,

Well, all I can say is I second what the other's here have said! You have grown so much from the first day you arrived here, and are a true inspiration for those who end up facing the same road as you have traveled! I will say a prayer for you and your boys! I know you are a strong woman, so just keep up the good work, and hold on to that man! He sounds WONDERFUL! Even though it was with bad news(so to speak) it was good to see you post again! Keep up the good work!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CD & Boys}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,

Tigger

CD,
Sounds like you have a real gem of a man there! I know how hard it is to get help when raising kids single, but I found creative ways to get babysitters so I could study and go out for a breather every now and then...it will work out.

Sounds like you had a great fourth!
Hugs to you,
Twiisty

Nosetta,

There’s so much I want to convey, and, yet, I’m at a loss for words that can adequately express what I’m thinking and feeling. Maybe that’s a good thing. What that donkey did to your boys is inexcusable…..complete selfishness! Thankfully, your boys got the better deal. They got you. As for that Jack@[censored] of a father, his day will come. It always does…..

All my love to you and your little guys.

Claudia

Cd,

I am so sorry your boys had to experience such hurt from their father. Truely unforgivable.

I know it is not much easier for the adult child either to experience abandonment. My 2 are going through feelings of rejection and replacement as my ex moves on with his life with OW and OC.

Sounds as if you have a gem of a boyfriend to help you.

Hugs to your boys.

Tina
Divorce final 6/26/03
When does the hurt stop?

<small>[ July 14, 2003, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

I don't visit this forum much, I don't know you or your story... Geesh! This made me cry. How awful. For the life of me I cannot comprehend how a parent can walk away from their child.

I think you were probably also crying for your boys not having what they need, deserve, from someone so important to them.

I agree, current man sounds like a gem.

Abandonment is a deep and life changing emotional wound. I hope you consider getting professional support for your children. The rejection a child feels from a parent is devestating. I hope for you that this is somehow a horrible misunderstanding.

I'm hestitant to jab the WS around here because I know its a sensitive topic. All I'll say is that someone who abandons their children, any children, of the marriage or not, is of SERIOUSLY questionable character and interity. Be careful what you wish for, I guess the old adage works for us all, if he'd do it to her and "her" child(ren) he just might do it to you and yours.

CM

(comment deleted)

You never miss chance to tout your party line do ya. Incredible.

<small>[ July 08, 2003, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

I have a hard time responding to this. Because while I think what this man did is unforgiveable and sick, I cant help but notice, it is preached for men to do the very same around here, and no one blinks an eye. Because it isn't their child.
If we enable men to not take responsibility morally, financially, what exactly are we teaching them , ourselves and most of all our children.

and before we start calling people names, I have taken care of my business morally, financially, and emotionally.
Children are innocent, and they seem to recieve the punishment of the aults in this matter, it isnt fair, it isnt right, but it is how it is.
My only thoughts to you cd are I am glad you left this relationship, obviously not a good one. Be there for your children, and when they are older, the x can answer to them why he is such a deadbeat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
But they know they have mom, and You will make it ok for them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Many Many great people have a single parent raising them and loving them.

Talk to friends, family, church, You will find away for child care and study time.


also if he chooses not to be in the boys life, can you sue him for more cs, so to cover daycare expenses.

<small>[ July 09, 2003, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

tmd,

Lets not make this about me. Although I can see how you'd like to. Yup, I'm speaking about interity and character. You betta ya. I owned up to my responsibilities to my husband and child. I didn't wait to be found out. I ended my affair without a d-day. I acted on my own desire to make things right. Did your WS?

Pot calling the kettle black? Hardly. Rather, I always knew many or most of these men abandoning their own children were creeps. You can't be a wonderful, loving, otherwise kind child abandoner in my opinion.

Like I said, I know how sensitive you all are to any negative words aimed at your WS's/ xOP's. Its just the truth as I see it and as I've lived it. If you don't like it, sorry.

First, obvious sympathies to cdcollins. Those boys need extra hugs.

TMD wrote:

>Wow someone like you making comments about character and integrity what's that about the pot calling the kettle black?

Ok TMD, how about me? I've *never* had an affair of any type. My sexual and marital history is about as pure as snow. No kettles here. So can I say it?

(Clears throat) ... Someone who abandons their children, any children, of the marriage or not, is of SERIOUSLY questionable character and integrity.

And yes, that includes cdcollins's jerk of an ex-H. And now she and the children have to suffer the consequences of his jerkiness (thank God she's in the field of law and may have a better chance of tracking him down if needed for CS). But out there in the real world, Cmiranda's quote holds for any innocent children whose father has abandoned his responsibilities. Innocent children are innocent children ... no matter *how* they came to be ... none asked for nor deserve such treatment, and society by-and-large knows this (yaah courts!).

friendofk/chud (OW no, BW no, W yes, OC yes, and about to adopt a child who really *was* literally "abandoned")

<small>[ July 07, 2003, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: friendofk ]</small>

TMD aka sad_n_lonely-- Is that really you?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

cdcollins I'm sorry for what you are going through with your boys. It's terrible when parents break our promises to our kids. As far as they are concerned it might as well be a flat out lie. Our word is all we have... Eventually they will see their dad for the person he is displaying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> He's hurting them, not you. You're doing your best! He's damaging his own relationship with his boys who look up to him and adore him regardless. Don't be afraid (dreading the future). You can do this. Perhaps it's time for you to join a support group for single parents???

<small>[ July 08, 2003, 04:32 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

BTDT:

TMD can't be SNL. They came to the point (an irrelvant, mean-spirited one) in two sentences. That immediately disqualifies them---SNL would have taken three paragraphs with more ellipses than I use... and then you'd still not be sure what the post meant.

cd,

This does suck, but I wouldn't jump to any immediate conclusions at this point. Let the whirlwind settle down a bit, and see what exactly is going through your husband's mind. The fact that he's been reasonably responsible so far leads me to think that there's something else behind this.

K--HILARIOUS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> HA! HA! HA!

I still say he's a donkey!

Nosetta, I luv ya, babe.