Hello Fellow Friends,

I wanted to thank you all for your responses into my anger and hate issues. I think I was going through all of those emotions and worrying about hating the mommy of my H's child because we were about to tell our children of their 1/2 brother. I went through sort of a depression and withdraw stage the past 2 weeks trying to numb myself. I am ok now and with all of your advice and book suggestions, I feel I am on my way to not worrying so much about the OW or what others think.
Well...now the SECRET IS OUT. We have told our children about their 1/2 brother just yesterday.
Their reply..."cool". They didn't have too many questions but I could tell that my oldest (8) was really "thinking" about what it all means. She tends to be a thinker and is sensitive to others feelings. They wanted to know if H was married to brother's mommy and were curious as to why he would call Daddy "Daddy". They are going to meet him this Saturday and I am a bit anxious about that...what new questions will arise etc... We did assure the girls that nothing would change among us that I was their Mommy and Daddy their Daddy and that Mommy and Daddy would always be together. There have been no questions or comments about brother today. It kind of scares me but at the same time I know it is still sinking in and Saturday may bring about curiosity.
I do feel a relief that we will no longer have to lie to our children about where Daddy is every other Saturday-we will all be TOGETHER.
My H wondered if we should tell the girls that we have kept it a secret from them? I advised that we just tell them about the brother and if they ask a question wondering about how Daddy knows him so well we answer it then. Not necessarily telling them we kept a secret from them... what do you think?
Thank you all so much for your help and support I will continue to need it on this new journey our life is about to take.

I think your idea of telling the kids what they want to know when they ask is excellent. They will ask when they feel like they need to know so that will let you know they can handle it. You will need to agree on what is to be told and how to say it, but I think that's good.

It's good they hear the truth from you and with the boundaries already established by you and your H.

p.s. I think when we keep secrets from our kids, it is an insult to them when they realize you kept it from them, even at a young age... well, because they don't know why they only know that you decided they didn't need truth for your own reasons.

I don't think I would say those words, that we kept it a "secret" from you (implying that they couldn't handle the truth)...

What if you just said that we felt it was best to tell you at that time and just leave it at that.

You're not insulting their intelligence and gosh, from their responses thus far, they are handling the news very well! Good for them!!!

(Mind you, this is all my way of thinking and looking back at my own childhood when "secrets" were kept that were to protect me but only caused resentment when I found out the real story.)

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>