This has been going through my mind for awhile. How to deal with the anger and hatred from the OW. OW is very upset because her plans did not work, getting pregnant and my H leaving me to be with her and the OC. I spoiled that plan, by standing by my H side,and working to keep our marriage together and make our bond stronger.
well, any way, OW acts a if i did something wrong, always telling H to tell me to stay out of her business and stay away from her. She won't even park on the same side of the parking lot when we pickup and dropoff OC,let alone be anywhere near me.She is nasty when she calls our home and i answer the phone,she says"let me talk to H" or put H on the phone, in a very rude manner.She calls because OC is cranky and is asking for her daddy,she can't handle it on her own. Once when she called, i replyed," excuse me, you don't talk to me like that when you call MY HOUSE" she started yelling, calling me all kinds of name, so i hung up on her.Told H what happened then she called back,same rude tone, gave phone to H, she starting yelling at him also, about me and how i better do this and do that.H did tell her, that there was no reason for her to be so rude when she call our home, then he reminded her this call was about OC,not her.she still kept on yelling.and he also told her, that we never yell or argue around OC,cuz it's not good for the child. We always present a loving and caring relationship in front of OC, even if we are upset with each other. She really gets bent out of shape when i answer on the speakerphone,once H picks up the other phone, first thing out her mouth, TKAE ME OFF THE SPEAKERPHONE!. WAH! WAH! WAH!
She even has her older child(age 14 or somewhere around that)and her little friends, give me nasty looks and rude gestures. I just blow it off.
I'm sorry, i'm starting to yak to much and getting off the subject. So back to the question, how do you handle all the hostility and rudeness? When H says anything, she becomes a real "B" and says she doesn't care how i feel.And i have no say so,in her business. This is my business,cuz this is my life,my marriage and MY HUSBAND.
When OC first started to spend time in our home, OC was not a very lovydovy child, now it has been almost 6 months since weekend stayovers started, OC is very lovydovy now.There are times when it is time to go back to mommy's house,OC puts up a fuss, one day it took H and I,10 minutes to get OC dressed and into the car,and then OC was acting very upset on the ride there. I know we are having a very positive influence on OC,and OW feels she doesn't have much control over it, so that probably is why she is so rude.
I don't know how to handle this, any opinions and advise? Thanks for listening.

<small>[ July 24, 2003, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: D---if i do,D---if i don't ]</small>

I think you should be commended for trying to incorporate the oc into your home and for trying to deal with such a spoiled attitude. She obviously is getting this anger from her hurt and disappointment, but then again she did know he was married and no guarantees of forever after with her huh. So not a lot of sympathy for her from me.

I'd say don't get into it with her. Set the rules for behavior (like being cordial and no yelling) and then enforce it. If she yells at you on the phone, remind her once and then if she does it again hang up. Just like you did. Good job!! Same with your husband. She has no right to speak to anyone in those tones. He can remind her that that behavior is not allowed and when she complains and starts again, hang up. Same for in person. If she is rude, walk away or totally ignore. And when she says you have no right to tell me what to say or how to act, you can reiterate exactly what you said that this is not about her it's about the child and you don't want the child exposed to such and such.

I understand that she has the feelings and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when she expresses those feelings in an inappropriate manner. If she doesn't want to be on speaker phone, she can certainly say so without being rude. There are consequences for her behaviors. She may lose some of the anger with time, but meanwhile I wouldn't stoop or let her think she got under your skin. Funny as I was typing this, I was thinking it's the same as you do with a child. You set the rules and let them see the consequences if they don't follow. So I guess I'm seeing these as childish behaviors!!! Good luck.

Oh, also she may think that you have no right to tell her how to act. But you do when she is around you. Her rights stop at the point where they infringe on yours. Oh wait, she already did that... Anyway, you do have the right to say what you will or won't tolerate. I have had to tell several people that I don't want them to curse around the kids. If they continue, we leave. You can't always control what others do, but you can control to an extent how it affects your surroundings. Consequences.

Hope she gets the message before a restraining order is in process.