I hope I have mad eit clear that what I did was wrong.

i let DM see his kids. He will pick them up once a week and do some things with them. Now I have our 4yr old telling people that Papa and mommy made me (papa is what she calls DM, H is her daddy), I don't know how to approach DM on this. I feel uncomfertable with what he is telling her.

I don't get your concern.

You allowed MM to see his child, and he told child the truth.What did you expect him to do? Hide his true relationship with her?

I think you will have to explain to your daughter what your exMM is saying, and tell her what you did was wrong. I can see why you would be uncomfortable with daughter telling lots of people-but how did you think you would keep it a secret if MM is involved in her life? You know, out of the mouths of babes.

HOw does uour H feel about these weekly visits and daughter being confused as to who her father is? Does he mind?
I would worry for him as welll.

Dear Crazymum,

If you feel uncomfortable, you must talk to him. First of all, you are talking about a 4-year old. At that age, they don't need a lot of information and explanations should be limited to her questions.

What you did being wrong has nothing to do with it. You are now trying to raise your children with your H and it is important that you set some boundaries with DM. You feel that you made mistakes and that must cause you some guilt feelings. But don't allow your guilt to make you accept actions by the DM which are unacceptable.

Talk to the DM as soon as possible and ask him to tell you what he has been telling your daughter. Try to come to an agreement on what is and is not appropriate to be said to her at this age.

Big hug to you, Crazymum. Don't despair, you will work this out with DM.

marie

I guess is my concern is lying at the point were she is only 4. He tells her all the time that Papa and mommy made you, so she's telling other this. I don't know what to say when she says this in front of my grandmother in law. Its not a secret, everyone knows, but like I stated my worry is her age. I need to find out what else he tells her.

As for my H, he hates the fact that I let DM see the kids. But I feel its better they know the truth now from us, instead of finding out from others. DM goes into details with her on where and how she was made. I already yelled at him for it. I guess this situation is really screwing with me. Damned if I do, damned if I don't

Mum,

I am not in your situation or anything remotely resembling your situation, but one thing you said triggered me to respond. I want you to really think about this. You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> DM goes into details with her on where and how she was made. I already yelled at him for it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You should have yelled at him for it. You child is only 4 years old. They ARE NOT EQUIPED to handle the details of the 'truth' at this age. To provide them can actually harm the child in the years to come. Harley is all for "radical honesty" between a married couple, not with children. A 4 year old has no need nor any capacity to understand the significance of what has happened. She could not understand why her grandparents and such would be hurt by her comments because she, rightly, doesn't understand the significance of marriage, vows, or emotional as well as physical betrayal.

Don't rob this girl of her youth, just because the adults in her life have made a huge mess. Protect her!

God Bless,

JL