My H OC will be born in October. OW has decided that what would be best for OC is for H & I to raise it. H suggests we also offer her "open visitation" that she can see child at any given time with a days notice. My question is this. Legally, how do I care for this child. I mean, medical appointments are my first thought. If I can't sign as a parent, do I do so as a "legal guardian?" We are going to have an attorney draw up all the paperwork PRIOR to the baby's birth, so I'm sure he/she will know these things, but I will feel awkward to be the one to bring it up if neither of the "parents" think of it. I am the one who, although emotional, still has a level head about life and reality here. The same attorney will have to prepare paperwork for OW legal (illegal) husband whom she married for hire to keep in the country to attain citizenship. Apparently he has to sign away all rights, as her "husband." My BIGGEST prayer in al lof this is that ALL of the people involved coming to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ while they watch Him work in and through this circumstance. I pray the same for each of our grown children (me-1, H-3=previous marriage). Any thoughts? Also, is it a confilct of interest if 1 attorney handles all of these issues? A family law attorney?

I am not really educated in this area. But I would look into a few things and see how both biological parents feel about certain issues. I know it is touchy but you also need to protect yourself.For example, I know in my state there was a case in the news where a husband had an affair that produced a child. The husband and his wife raised this child together. When the child turned around 6 or 8 years of age their marriage fell apart and they were getting a divorce. The wife in this case was fighting to have visitation of this boy she has raised and loved as her own since he was an infant. To my knowledge she lost. The xH wouldn't give her visitation, she never adopted the child legally so she had no rights what so ever. It was just a very sad situation, for this was the only mother this boy knew and they had a really close relationship. So my suggestion would be if you are going to bond with this child that you need to protect your rights also. I would try to adopt the child. If your wish is to do an open adoption I would research what that involves and how your state laws view open adoption. Goodluck.

BelieveHeIs,

I fully understand your concern as to the medical side of it.
I am in a similar situation, though OW and H share Physical Custody.
I take Lil Bit, OC, to her Dr appts... and the Dr’s office is fully aware of our situation.
H and I have been the only ones to take Lil Bit to the Dr since she was 10 months old. It was because of me pushing to make sure her immunizations were caught up. (While OW was supposedly taking her, her immunizations were still WAY behind.)

I have a question for you…
You say OW’s faux-husband is going to be signing away his rights… is OW going to sign the child over to your H? Thus giving up her parental rights?
If she does this, you in turn may adopt the child and then become a legal parent to the child. Then there would be no question as to whether or not you can sign for medical purposes.
It can also be arranged through the attorney as you have mentioned. I am sure if the OW is smart enough to give the child to your and your H to raise, that she is smart enough to know you are going to need to take the child to the pediatrician.
Don't feel bad if you are the one to bring it up. Someone must... and if you cannot get your H to bring it up... definitely mention it.

I pray that the OW in your situation is serious about allowing you and your H to raise the child. The OW in our situation also made the same type of comments, only saying them in vain. She switched from allowing H to raise the child to threatening to take the child and never allowing H to see her. It was a long drawn-out process… but we do have Parenting time with Lil Bit… and H was granted 51%+ of each week, giving H the majority of custody.

** IF the OW is not going to sign away her parental rights, there may be the need to establish paternity. Your H will need to file to do so with the courts. I am sure your attorney will know to do all the paperwork...
We filed prior to Lil Bit's birth. The DNA test was completed when she was about 2 wks old... and we got the results before she was 5 wks old.

May the Lord guide you in this, BHI… He already knows the outcome… we only have to trust & lean on Him.

**edited...

<small>[ August 04, 2003, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>