I am looking for some advice and guidance. A coworker of mine has been having an affair with a married man for about a year. She makes no secret of the fact that she is dating him and he stops by work all the time to visit and hang out with her. And all of his buddies that he works with seem to think that this is great and wonderful as well. Well now she is pregnant by him. I think that it is terrible that both of them are carrying on this affair and now the situation is even worse. I don't know what their plans are for the future of their relationship. But now they are bringing a baby into this horrible situation. I think it is unfair and cruel that he is doing this to his wife and family. And I think that she has a right to know what he is doing. I am not worried about her getting angry at me if I tell her because I would probably do it by letter and give her enough details so that she knows it is true but not attach my name. Nor am I worried about my coworker finding out that I did it because we work with a lot of people and everyone knows. So, I am looking for some advice on what I should do from both those who say yes and those who say no.

What if you tell your coworker that if she doesn't tell her husband, you will?

Or you tell the OM that if he doesn't tell his wife you will?

Do you personally know the spouses of each?

If you don't know them, it's probably better to leave well enough alone. People involved in deceitfulness that deep obviously don't care who they hurt.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Put me in the "Yes, Tell" category. I haven't met a betrayed spouse yet who said they didn't want to know. But plenty who have said they wished someone would have told them sooner.

I am sure you're not the only one there who is disgusted with this whole thing. I am surprised you're the only one who has the courage to speak up and do the right thing. And now there's a baby involved. His wife needs to know now.

My coworker is single and now pregnant by the OM. I know the OM as well but am not friendly with him. But I could easily find out his address if I wanted to send something to his wife.

If he didn't have children of his own, I probably would not be as bothered by this. Now no matter what happens an innocent child will be hurt. If he leaves his wife then his kids will feel like he abandoned them for another child. And if he doesn't leave her then he is abandoning my coworker's child.

And no matter what happens his wife is facing a terrible betrayal. I don't know how he will be able to keep it a secret once the child is born.

<small>[ August 06, 2003, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: CoWorker ]</small>

Tell, I wish someone would have had the courage to tell me the truth.

Please tell her! Since her WS doesn't have the guts to give her back her choices you should. Besides you don't owe them a single thing and shouldn't be forced to be an accomplice to their deception. If they didn't want to risk getting caught and ratted out, they should have been better liars...lol that is the expense of flaunting your infidelity.

I say tell.

My H's exOW and I talked. She, herself in person, told me that if she could do it over again, she would have told me. She has 2 children from my H. We were both young at the time.

Unfortunately, you can't go back. You live with today,not yesterday.

It's cruel to take away a person's choices. Think about it.

I say tell.

ember

Yes, tell, honesty is the heart of integrity.
And I for one, would rather have integrity then happiness.

I have been trying to respond to this, but no time lately. I was confronted by the coworker, of the OW. I am so glad she did this for me, because all the lies are out now.

The Coworker never gave her name during the phone call, but I knew it was true from what she was saying. I have caller ID so I knew where the phone call came from. She also told me go to his work and you will see. I did and sure enough she was telling the truth.

Things are getting better with H and I. OW doesn't want me to have contact with OC says I am a terrible person. What she doesn't know won't hurt her though. One-day things with get worked out with OC, but for now we are working on us.

Put me on the yes list. As a BS, I long for the truth every day, and would be grateful to anyone who could give it to me. The BS deserves to know what he/she is dealing with. --DT

I received an anonymous letter in the mail. I am grateful to whoever sent it.

The only advice I would give is to include dates, times, and places of a few meetings--and keep to the facts without giving an opinion.

It was apparent in the letter I received that the sender had my wh's wellbeing at heart--it would have been nice if my wellbeing had anything to do with it. So, I would suggest that your first sentence tells his wife that you are giving her this information so that she can do whatever she feels is best for her.

I would also give her the address to this site and give her the title and author of Surviving An Affair by W Harley, and tell her that these resources will help her decide what is best for her and her life whatever she chooses to do from this point.

I was friends/co-worker/neighbor of a wayward spouse who got his girlfriend and co-worker pregnant. I very much resented being forced to be silent and an accomplice to hurting the wife so badly.

I gave an ultimatium with two weeks lead time. At such time I told my wife, who good friends with the betrayed. Friend told his wife, the OC has been born and it appears the affair has continued as have the lies to the betrayed.

The betrayed has initiated divorce. This was all very difficult but it was right thing to do and while I did some dumb things and got overly involved I would again give an ultimatium.

Tell her, I only wished someone had told me long before there was an OC then there would not have been an OC to even worry about and I woyuldn't even be here now so tell her as soon as you can so she can deal with it sooner tehn later but please do it

Tell,

There are a lot of angles to consider with an OC. What does the law say, what rights does OP have etc. Whos names go on birth certificate, what the childs name to be. etc. This was a huge learning curve for me at a time when it was really hard to deal with the confusion etc. Thank God for 9 months of pregnancy ( Sorry ladies - Male BS perspective ).

Fo8

desperatelytrying, dt, How are are you doing?

ember