After years of being the BW, I was stupid and became the OW. It lasted for a little over 3 yrs. These days I'm going through my own healing stage. Thinking back to what I did, how I treated OM wife and stuff like that. I was thinking of sending her an apology letter. Telling her how much I regret what I did and that I am truly sorry. Would this be appropriate? Unfortunately we still are in somewhat contact due to me being really stupid and having kids with the OM. Any thoughts?

I did something along those lines. When I had to send somethings back to the attorney they had (which they didn't have long) I wrote a short apology letter to the wife. I think I started it out something like I am not sure this is appropriate but for whatever it is worth to you I am sorry for blah blah blah. I wrote it with no expectations of a return acknowledgement of the letter. I never did receive one which was fine by me. But I needed to write one, and if she got anything out of my apology then it was worth it. If it didn't do anything for her then at least I wasn't feeling like I should have...I felt better getting it out. I meant every word deeply also. I wouldn't write a bunch of fluff that you don't mean. That is just my opinion.

As a BW I have to commend you for having the guts to do that. I think that she will have to respect you for doing what you didn't have to do and for having the respect for her and the hurt that she has suffered to apologize. I thank you even if she doesn't.

Luv

You should write the letter. Acknowledging the pain you have caused another helps both of you heal. And in the end it may help your OC because the BS might accept OC better.

I say keep it very short, very to the point and do not make any excuses, such as "I made a mistake, blah, blah, blah".

Just a thought. Something like;
I know this won't make up for anything, but I apologize for what happened. It was wrong, it hurt many people and there are no excuses for what I did.

Add a few more lines.

Well this is what I sent:

I know that this won't do any good. But I want you to know that I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you over the years. I look back on how I acted. How childish and cruel I was.

Unfortunately what is done is done and there is no going back. I can only move forward and hopefully you can to. No matter what I will forever be living with the guilt of my actions.

Chris...I feel I have to reply to something since you quoted what I said in my post. Maybe I am just a little sensitive today. But if you read my post I said I wrote a short apology letter. It think it started out.....the blah blah blah(which of course was not written in the letter!) was because it was about a year ago and I am not exactly sure how I put it. I didn't want to write it for crazymum because I think it is a personal thing that she needs to write and it should come from HER heart. To ME(JMHO) that is what makes a true apology. To me if I was hurt in the worst way by someone I WOULDN'T want an apology that sounded like it came from some book or generic apology that everyone would just say without any feeling.

Crazymum, I read what you wrote and think that was just right! I hope it made you feel better, and I hope in some way it helps her also. Now I would just suggest if you have to deal with her that you treat her in a way that shows you meant what you said.

I think that is a wonderful letter. I know it will heal you, and for sure it will start to heal her. I know if was sent to me I would start to heal.

4tori&natesake,
I didn't quote your post.

But if you read my post
I didn't. I just now read your post.

I didn't suggest she write blah, blah, blah. I was telling her to not put ANY excuses. I put "blah, blah, blah" (as part of my post, not as part of her letter) because I did not want to write a bunch of excuses that she should NOT put.

Also, as a bs, if there were any "excuses", that is all I would read them as. They would have no meaning to me.

<small>[ August 13, 2003, 05:57 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Okay Chris...my mistake then! Sorry, I thought you were quoting me! Like I said I could just be sensitive today! I don't like excuses either. Not sure there is an excuse for something of this nature?