Hello-

I found out five years ago (at the age of 23) that I'm the product of an affair my mother had. She was ten years into a marriage with an alcoholic man and already had a 7 year old son. She didn't disclose this information to me willingly. I asked her because a friend of mine pointed out that I didn't look German like the rest of my family. He then mentioned that I should ask who my real father is. I asked my mother (who at the time had been divorced for 13 years) and she surprisingly told me.
My non-biological father (who died in September 2002) never knew that I wasn't his, nor does my brother know that I'm his half-sister. It's a dark family secret that I've held for my mother because she's sworn me to secrecy for the past five years.
I've recently begun therapy and am planning to tell my brother about my true identity. My mother is furious with me and has no remorse for what she has done. My biological father was friendly with me for many years, but has recently cut off communication supposedly because he doesn't approve of the man I'm living with. He isn't willing to give me a blood test to prove paternity. Likewise, when I mention to my mother that I'd like to tell my brother who I am she says that I can't actually prove it and that there's always a chance I'm the other father's daughter.

I feel alone with my story and would love to know another person who is dealing with an issue like this. I welcome comments or questions.

If you're a parent dealing with a child born of infidelity that you should definitely be honest. Tell the child the truth about his/her identity as soon as it is appropriate. I believe that my mother's secret has seriously injured me emotionally.

Would love to hear back,
Arianna

Arianna,

I too am the child conceived of an affair and I also did not learn the truth until adulthood. You can search through this forum using my username (MaryJanes) to find old topics of mine.

I have very limited time right now. Just got back from three weeks of vacation and work has exploded. School starts next week for my kids and I am sick as a dog. I will converse with you about this, but it will be a long slow conversation. It is a hard situation to be in. I know who my birth father is, but want no contact. He is an active alcoholic. Besides, my relationship with my dad, the man who raised me and was married to my mother, has been a dream relationship--the strongest and most stable of my life. My parents did divorce by the time I was 12, but it still doesn't change that my Dad was the most caring, loving person in my life.

Blessings,
MaryJanes