Hi,
I have question that's been bugging me. My WW has an OC. What should the OC call me ? I prefer for pre-work age kids not to call adults by their first name, but go with the flow when it happens.
But what does this OC call me ? Uncle ? Dad ? ( That'd get on OM's nerves ). How about "Uncle Daddy ?". Any other ideas ?
How do you explain OC to new friends or work acquaintances and try to salvage WW's dignity ?
... any politicians or diplomats out there ?

Fo8

my daughter calls her step-grandfather Papa (his name). Could you live with Daddy XXX? Just an idea.

My Daughter-n-law calls both of her father's Daddy. You can tell in her voice the one who she has most respect for. What shocked me when I met her, was she has the greatest respect for her step-father. She still loves her Daddy too, so it don't really matter, it is in all the love you give.

I call my step dad Frank. Sometimes I call him Papa. But, I always refer to him as my father because he raised me, loved me, cared for me and was always there when I needed him. He's my "real" dad in every way that matters.

Catnip =^^=

Thanks for sharing folks,

This situation is a little different in that WW and I are still separated and OM see's a lot of OC. But WW is daily at home ( our place ) helping the kids and brings OC with her.

I'd like it if I was a "Daddy" for this cute 2yr old boy, but that's still in the future ( if it ever happens ). I take the point about it's not in a name but in the depth of your relationship.

I struggled to come up with something that is not a "lie" but doesn't make his history too obvious. No problem with real friends, they already know, but if people don't need to know, why tell them ?

How about answering the inevitable questions ?
E.g. Someone says "How many kids in your family ?" and I say 8 at the same as my son says 9... gulp ! It's a little harder with 8 as that question usually makes you the centre of attention (and that's not always where you want to be ).

Fo8,
OC in my situation is a little girl, also age 2.

She calls me Mommy. I have been in her life since she was 5 wks old... actually before that, but we had no contact with OW or OC until the DNA test proved she was my H's child.

H has Joint Physical Custody of Lil Bit (online nickname for OC). We have her for more than half of each week.

OW knows that Lil Bit calls me Mommy. I am sure it eats her up. She hasn't tried to stop her from calling me Mommy... so I guess she has resigned herself to the fact that Lil Bit sees me as Mommy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Fatherof8:
<strong>What should the OC call me?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In our very extended step family, we have multiple sets of parents and grandparents. To keep them straight, the little ones use a title and name. So, I am Nana K, H's ex-W is Nana L, etc. H's family dealt with the weird parent situation by variations on Pop - we've got a Dad, a Poppy, and a Pop-Pop.

fo8,,,,,, i know what you mean about the questions. the always popular " how many kids do you have?" usually raises eyebrows. my answer used to be 7 until one of the others would correct me and say 8. the conversation could stop there but then comes the ever present "all with the same wife?". my reply "no i have 7 and she has 7, we have 6 together". even at this point things aren't so bad. and here is where i had a hard time trying to figure out how not to tell people our messy story. then comes " how old are they?". i say 28, 22, 21, 15, 13, 12, 8, & 20 months. now comes the coop-de-gra " you and your wife just had a baby?". looking at me like "at your age. so i say " i had 1 son before i met my wife, then we had 6 together and then she had 1 from an affair". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> conversation ends with questionaire's resounding, OHH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> i kind of like watching people's faces when i tell them that last part. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pops...do you really say that? Wow. How does FH feel about that?

Question for everyone else....if you have no contact how do you answer the question of how many children do you have?

Thought provoking question that's been posed here...
Thanks.

Ive never heard pops say it that way, and i hope I am never around to hear it, to me that would only be hurtful to me and not funny at all. So I guess the anger is still headed my way.
Grace calls pops da da (or daddy --which she doesnt have down pat yet) and she calls her bio dad pa pa (or poppy as his kids do)
I think you let the child call you what ever comes naturally, usually they hear what other children call you and they pick that up. it also depends on how emotionally attached you would like to become. your first name seems kind of cold for a close relationship. just my thoughts
full house

One of the ways I used to answer the inevitasble question was to say "Oh I've got 8 and my wife's got 8 from her first marriage... but we've only been married once."

The other way I thought to answer this question was to say, "My wifes got one child from another relationship, and we've got eight together" and hope that they won't ask which one is the OC.

But diplomacy is not my strong point so does anyone else have any creative ideas ?

Angela wrote:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Question for everyone else....if you have no contact how do you answer the question of how many children do you have? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When people ask us how many children we have, we say five...as that's how many we have that are living with us. I don't add my two miscarriages and Mr."T" doesn't add OC. He considers her adopted out. Besides, with our situation, we don't open the doors for people to ask, so we just stick with five. Occasionally I'm asked something and I refer them to my H and he has to do the answering.

Twiisty

Thanks Twiisty,

I agree about not offering more info than is asked for. Also agree that BS can answer those questions when possible. Not always easy tho' eh.

Fo8

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When people ask us how many children we have, we say five...as that's how many we have that are living with us. I don't add my two miscarriages and Mr."T" doesn't add OC </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I get this question asked or when someone comments on having a large family, I always say 5. That is what I have. But my oldest daughter always adds that her dad has a son, her half brother. Nobody asks after that.