I love this message board because no matter how many friends I have, or how compassionate my WS is, no one else understands what I go through but you guys.

I went to check the mail yesterday expecting nothing but bills as usual, but when I opened the mailbox, I saw a postcard. The OW and OC live overseas and were visiting another country and she felt compelled to send this postcard to let my WS know how much fun they were having. Normally, this wouldn't bother me but she ended the message with, "I'll call you when we get back...Stay sweet". I changed my phone number a while back because she would childishly call and hang up, and I begged him not to have any contact unless I'm present since he's been known to take advantage of these opportunities to "reach out to her" when were having problems. I found out after our last phone bill arrived that he still calls her against our agreement and when I asked for anohter (lame) explanation, he said she called first and he was just returning her call. Of course he had no clue who gave her the new number. Whatever. Anyway, only another BS could relate to the emotions that run through me during times like these.
He is visiting relatives(his mom and I don't get along as well as we used to partly because of this) but I got upset with him about the postcard. I have no intentions of bringing my anger to OW, even if she purposely does these things to perplex me. He brought her into our life and chooses to keep her here so I go to him with my frustrations. I LB'ed over the phone and his mom witnessed his frustration. She butted into the conversation and made me even more angry so we had a few words. Now I think I totally blew it. I'm so fed up with myself I just want to run away from everyone. If I wasnt in the picture he could have it all. Forgive me for wanting to feel secure in my relationship at his expense.

michelle:

You have nothing 2 be ashamed of. Anyone in this si2ation would/could certainly react the same way. I know I did for more than a year after D-day.

It IS unreasonable for him 2 re2rn her calls. It is a lame excuse 2 have contact, nothing more.

In the end, what you do is entirely up 2 you. Stay or leave only because you know it is the right thing for you 2 do. You can't change your H, but you might help him wake up if you're 2 a point where you can move out and go 2 plan B (make sure you read up on it before you do, though. Better yet, get counseling with one of the Harleys before you do).

Your H may be doing what he is because he believes he can get away with it. If he gets a sense that you won't put up with it anymore, and he decides he wants you in his life, he will agree 2 NC.

All my best,
-2long