Things have been going OK, but for some reason I am sliding backwards lately. Has this happened to anyone else? I still feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I am on antidepressant and in counseling, so other that taking a long vacation which is not feasable I don't know what to do to lower my stress level and get out of this funk. Some days I think I can deal with the whole situation (A,OW,OC) and other days like today I can't even handle the fact that my H slept with another woman, let alone the rest of the mess. Yesterday he was holding my hand, and I just thought "those hands that I've always loved so much touched that OW" - and then I thought of WHERE they touched her, and there went my day! And then I want to start asking questions about what they did in bed again when I start thinking like that, which depresses me even more. I can't seem to get over the fact that my H had sex with this OW - 7 months later it is driving me crazy. It makes me cry just to think about it still. My H thinks I will never get over this, that maybe this means I am the type of person who can't ever get over this. Did it take anyone else this long? Does it get better? I love my H so much, but sometimes I wish I could be with someone who doesn't have all this baggage. But then I think if I got divorced, now I would be someone with lots of baggage and who would want to be with me at almost 40 years old with 2 kids and my self esteem destroyed. Not to mention my lack of trust issues now. Sorry for the pity party. I am having a bad day, I guess I need to vent.

Vent away.

I am over 2 years post d-day and here I sit. You are normal. You are still grieving the old relationship. No. Getting divorced won't solve it either. It happened, and there is nothing that will ever make it go away. You won't ever get over it, but you will learn to live with it as I have. There are good days and bad ones. Sometimes I wake up at night too. The point is, I am still better off with him than without him. I still love him more than anything. I still love having my family intact. It would be 100X worse without my love, my FWS.

I too am only human, I have screwed up in other ways, so I am not perfect either. Those hands may have touched her, but they are your hands. He doesn't want her. I have to say it does get easier with time, the episodes have more time between them, but yes, there are still some days.

I just try to think of the good things at that time. There are always more good reasons to stay together. That is why I'm here. I think he loves me more now than before.

It can't ever be the same, but it can be good enough. It can be happy enough. I wish you peace today. You cannot change what happened, you already know this. You can only embrace the pain, acknowledge it and then embrace the love and go on. I hope it helps to know you aren't alone.

fortheboys,

You need to vent. I wish I could help you, but I know you have read my story and I am the one who cheated on my wife. She is on that same roller coaster and she too is at the bottom part right now. I try to bring her up, but she is hurt and won't let me. I hope you can work things out. It sounds as if it will take time.

Fo

Thanks New Jersey. It helps a lot to know I am not alone. I have told no one of my situation, so it is so hard sometimes. I have spent my morning crying over everything. I just wish I could wake up and be happy like before I found out. Today I got up and went back to bed after the kids got on the bus because I just couldn't face being so unhappy today. I would be embarrassed to admit that to anyone else, but I guess you might understand how I feel. I just couldn't bear to think about things today. I really miss my life being simple and happy. Do you live in NJ?

fortheboys,
Are you "normal"? You bet you are!! I am 1 and 1/2 years post D-day. I found the first year to be particularly difficult. All those reminders, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc., looking back wondering if he was with her that day. It is kind of like a death. It gets easier over time but it can hurt like heck when triggers happen, especially when you thought you'd
"worked that through". And yes, I wish life could be simple and easy again with the trust fully there. I think that it's very early in your recovery to think that you're "stuck" and will "never" be able to let it go. We all heal on our own timeframes. Seven months is not very long to grieve such a loss, much less be "recovered" from it. Take care!

Thanks Lilymarie - I need all the support I can get right now! Don't know why everything seems so bad right now. Had a session with my therapist tonight, so I do feel a little better getting some of this off my chest. I didn't think I would still feel so much anger at this point!