About a year ago a man I was working with we both had affairs he promised me the world and said he world leave his girlfriend of eight years and then I got pregnant he was very happy about the whole thing in fact more excited than I was. And after I left my husband for him he stayed with me a while but something just took a turn for the worst. He left and went back to his girlfriend A few months later he came back but it was the same story again and I just didn't want to be second to him. He then denied ever being with me and said that the baby was not his. I then told his girlfriend everything that had been going on between the two of us. We didn't speak until 3 weeks ago. He wasn't there for me and I tried asking him several times for his help but got no response. Then I called him and asked him for his help with the baby she is now 5 months old and he seen her for the first time and it was great. I've always wanted him back in my life I've never felt that way about anyone before not even my ex-husband. And I would still like it if he came back but it seems like the same situation between us again. And he wont take the baby to his house cause of his girlfriend. But my question is Was it wrong for me to contact him about helping me with the baby, should I have just let him be and work things out with his girlfriend? But then he gets to run away and I'm stuck with the baby by myself. Please HELP

Samara:
I posted from your last post on the other thread. Most of what I wanted to say is there. I did not realize you had already had the baby. You need to have a DNA test done. This will protect you just as much as it will protect your xmm. Then you can get cs from him through the courts. It's a very confusing situation your in, and I'm sorry. Your DA's office can help you with the dna test. You can't make him pay cs if he is dening it until the dna test is done. If you were married at the time of conception (depending on your state) your xh could be responsible so be careful there not to turn this into something that is going to get real dirty. You have a child that is your first concern and only concern. Forget about your xmm (maybe not legaly married but 8 years is a very long time) and concentrate on raising your child and getting on with your life. Why would you want a man in your life that is treating you this way when your down and out? No offensive intended bs.....I'm trying to wake this girl up. He has choosen to be with his gf and work it out for whatever his reasons are. Accepted it and see where your life takes you.

Samara0410,

Well, my advice is that if you really don't want to raise this baby on your own, cause that's what it looks like is going to happen, that you consider giving the child up for adoption. Yes, you are angry at the OM right now, but from this post and the one on the LONG thread, I don't see you wanting to reconcile w/your H, and you want to make the OM(is he married or not?) pay and make his GF(W?) pay as well(and I'm talking about you being petty, not just the CS)! I don't think that you are going to get the help you need here, because we will NOT encourage someone to continue an A, we are here to encourage those who are trying to build/rebuild their M! Now, if you want to reconcile w/your H, that's up to him as well. Yeah, you have the final say in whether to have this baby or not, but you don't have a say in whether your H or the OM will be involved!!!!

If you want advice, here's what I have to say. Go NC(no contact) w/OM and examine your feelings for H! If you find that you still love your H, see if he is willing to reconcile. If he's not, then you can, nicely not vendictively, seek CS/DNA testing w/OM. I say to be nice, because many times, whether you are the OW or the BW, you can take the upper road, and do this the nice way, you will have a lot more respect for yourself. If you don't like this advice, please go to another board, as this is not the place to go for OW support!

Tigger

PS, before you attack me for mentioning adoption, I did so 15 years ago, and don't regret it one bit! I knew that I was in no position to raise a baby at that time, and knew that she was going to a loving family! So I know what giving a child up for adoption entails, and it's not easy! But, sometimes it's what's best for ALL involved!

Great post tigger4jdt!

Samara, you are entitled to child support and nothing more. You became involved with someone who was already taken - mistake!!! Maybe he would leave her, maybe he wouldn't, no guarantees in that at all.

This is the place to be if you are looking to rebuild a valid relationship -- not to rebuild an affair.

samara,

I'm with tigger on this. You should still consider adoption (it's funny how on the other thread you imply that abortion would have been your choice, but adoption would be too unfair to the child). If you want to raise this child, do so---but without interference from the OM. Request child support. If he wants visitations, it will be allowed.

I wouldn't even suggest that you try to contact your husband at this point. It doesn't appear you have any love left for him whatsoever, and you would be using him solely as an economic crutch.

And finally, this is a support site for people attempting to use MarriageBuilders techniques to improve their marriages. You really don't qualify on this count, so I'd suggest that you tread cautiously on this highly emotional subject. You might be better off on a single mother's board.