How long should I have to wait until I seek a Lawyer to help our family with the OW/OC. The OW I know for a fact is going to give my family and I hell, there's no doubt about it. She already tried to put a restraining order on me based on total lies. I have never met or talked to her until I saw her in court. Of course the Judge denied her request b/c there was no proof. She has left crude messeges on my vmail at home, she had one of her aquaintance call our home in the middle of the night with threats, she's followed my husband to his new place of work, she keeps calling my InLaws for info on my H, etc, etc.
I've talked to a Lawyer yesterday and he said I should put a restraining order on her but I don't want to play her games. I know what she is doing is totally wrong. She is on parole for something, not sure why and she has a 13 yr old daughter so if she did something I would hate for her daughter to loose her Mom by going back to jail. I told my H what kind of person did you get involved with? H said he didn't know she was like this until now. yea right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Now he wants us to seek legal help before this escalates any further. The lawyer said that we should wait until the OW files for CS? What do you think, I don't want to wait until it's to late. What is the approx. cost of a lawyer to help with DNA, CS, Visitations, etc.?

H and I decided NC with ow/oc. H doesn't want anything to do with them, said it was a huge mistake. We are rebuilding our marriage and moving on. H doesn't want this to interfere with with our life going forward. Any advice would be most helpful.

Thanks,
D. Chris

If she is harrassing you I would seek a lawyer now, but if you contacted a lawyer and told you to wait??? Why should you have to live with the harrassment and threats from her?? Did you explain all of this to the lawyer?

chris,,,,,, this ow sounds like she is giving you no other choice then to take action.

people like her live and thrive on intimidation. to do nothing and worry is the game she wants you to play.

document everything. threats, voice mails, have your h take a camera with him and photogragh or video tape her following him. then when you have about 3 - 10 take them to the court and get a restraining order on her.

you can't be concerned about her d having a mother revisit the gray bar motel. the girl is most likely used to it. she doesn't need a role model like that anyway.

don't wait for her to file for cs. have an attorney get the court to order the dna testing as soon as posible. that way you can make sure your wh is actually the father.

nc with the oc is a perfectly sensible way to go with an ow who is flying off the deep end. although, if she has a criminal background and is reincarsarated then the courts may give your wh custody.

procrastination with the dna testing and the cs issue can only hurt you later if you wait. if you file it also tells the court that you are willing to do the right thing by the oc if your wh is proven the bio dad.

i don't know where you live but here in so. ca. fees for court can run from $0 using the DA office to about $700 or $800 using a legal aide to help you with the paper work and representing yourself in court to $ 2500 (our cost) up to over $5000 (our om's cost).

my advice is to interview several attorneys until you find one that fits you personality wise and appears to be comfortable with this unusual situation.

Thanks for the reply and help Crazymum & Pops.

Hey Pops we're neighbors, I live in No. Ca.

I checked around my area and came across a few Lawyers. So far I've only talked to one and that was the advice he gave to me over the phone. He did tell me to put a restraining order on her. I told him that I don’t think I can b/c I don’t have the proof that she did those things. My h erased the vm message; he didn’t want me to keep listening to the crude msg over and over. H threw the note OW left on h car windshield, I do have the police case #, according to the Policeman since my h erased the vm it is considered a she said he said situation w/o evidence. The PD is although aware of the OW harassment she is inflicting on us, again w/o evidence we can’t do anything, which is unfortunate.

We'll be prepared for what she has in store for us next. It's to bad the OW had to have it this way. OW has no clue about my personality, I'm a very level headed person and I know S*** happens but life does go on. She just lost a great Dad & Stepmom for the OC. I know for a fact that we can't have contact w/them b/c of OW madness. I will not let her ruin what my h and I have repaired so far in our marriage. I know her only intent is to try and gain leverage of my marriage, she already tried to prove that to many times. Guess what, it's not going to happen.

OW has not harassed me after the restraining order was denied 8/29. OW was so furious when it was denied. She had the audacity to tell the Judge if she could appeal the decision and he said no, then OW said can I get another restraining order against her & Judge said yes but you can’t use the same allegations again. She looked stupid, she stormed out of the courtroom with 4 of her acquaintances. The bailiff told me to have a seat; he mumbled something to me that I will not repeat, it was funny. After five minutes he walked me to my car, I was surprised b/c he didn’t do that for anyone else.

I'm just waiting for OW to explode. H and I will keep looking for another Lawyer who is willing to help us through this mess. I want to be one step ahead of her at all times. And your absolutely right Pops, I shouldn't be concerned about OW d, I feel bad that she has a Mom like that, it’s out of my control.

So you think by going to our DA's office they can help us with this? I sure hope so; I could use all the help I can get.

Thanks again to both of you for your ear and help on this.

D. Chris

wait to see if she does anything else, in the meantime, ignore her. Ignore, ignore, ignore and don't do anything to provoke her.

If she does anything else- voicemail, letters etc. save all the evidence and then get the restraining order.

chris,,,, i live in so orange county and don't get to the nortern part of the state that often. LA is such a long drive from here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

well being in ca gives you a break. cs won't be accrued from birth. instead they start it from when the papers are filed. at least down here in orange county they do. make sure you check that out with whichever attorney you settle on.

i still say take the offensive on this. demand dna testing now. find out for sure whether this is your h's child or not. the only possible advantage to doing nothing is that you may get socked with a huge arrears payment along with cs if your h turns up the bio dad.

fh (fullhouse, my wife) thinks that you may not be able to use the da as she thinks they handle cs collections. i am not sure on that one. anyway you look at it a trip to the court house should be the first step in order to obtain a starting point. the can also give you a list of attorneys and paralegals that yo can interview.

if the north is anything like us down here you will find that the family law community is a very small one with most attorneys knowing each other.

some on this board have come up with some very creative ways to protect their assets. if you have children already you may want to assure that they get considered by the courts financially also. another reason not to procrastinate.

find out all you can about this. and remember knowledge is power. no matter what the facts are.

You need to interview attorneys for the job. Call a firm that specializes in Divorce. Tell them what is going on. Start a journal of all she has done. It certainly helps that she made an [censored] out of herself in court, as that will be well documented. Get this under control now. She sounds like a nut case.

She THINKS she is in control, she is not. To many people get run over by these types by allowing the situation to run amuck. Take charge, get the laywer and start documenting. Keep a journal of dates, times etc. Then take the advice on your attorney as far as harrassment,etc. Don't wait.

Sounds like the courts realize she is whacked and are well aware of her and her behavior.

Handle it legally and correct and you will be fine.

Once again Lynn has offered great advice and I hope you will do as she suggested. I documented every single incident and I know that my "journal entries" have staved off OW interference as I sent her copies after the weeks following D-Day to let her know she wouldn't be able to run rough shod over us.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself.

Cat =^^=

Thanks for all your suggestions. I'm also keeping tabs on what the OW has done to us. She knows what she's doing, right? I've found a Lawyer who will contact me today or tomorrow. I explained everything to him and sounds like he is willing to help me. My H has told me he wants to do this the legal way and not have anything thrown back in our face. We both know now what the OW intentions are and that is try to get leverage on our marriage. I understand she is upset as I am upset with my H. He kept both of us in the dark about one another. The OW didn't know he was married until she found out she was pregnant. That's when my H told her about his family. I'll keep you posted as to what the lawyer has to say. This might be of help to anyone who also has questions on seeking a Lawyer.

Take care,
Devistated Chris <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

DC,

Looks like we may be nearby. If you can, please e-mail me at: MBOrchid2@yahoo.com

Thanks,
L.

DC,

There's a good D lawyer in our area. I will e-mail you with details. He is already familar with a couple of MBers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Make sure you keep a log/journal. It will be helpful.

How are you doing?

L.