I found out that my H was having an affair back a few months ago. He said that it was over. I recently found out that he had not ended it. to make matters worse, the OW is pregnant. At the time that I found out about her, I was pregnant too. I miscarried. She is due about the time that I would have been. I don't want my H to leave. We are still talking, but he says he loves us both. He says he is torn between the two of us. we have a wonderful little 2 yr. old daughter and he's afraid that I may take her away. I told him I wouldn't. I want to be able to find a solution so that we can get ourselves back together again and work on our marriage. Please help.

BBL,

((((HUGS)))

Sorry to say welcome! And this must be terrible for you. How are you coping?

Well, my H also had an affair and possible OC while was I pregnant. Due dates couples months apart. So, OC and my son are only couple months apart and I was at risk of miscariage myself. I have had two previous miscarriages. So, I can relate a little.

Please take care of yourself.

Have you read the principles on this site yet?
That is where I would start and to see someone that you can talk to for IC and marriage counseloring. The Harleys are great and you can call and make an appointment to talk to them.

Dawn

Hi BBL

My heart goes out to you, I was in the exact same position a few months ago. I had my child two weeks before OW had OC.

It hurts like hell but you have come to the right place. I personally don't feel that I can help you but there are so many great people who can. It does help ranting and raving on here, typing all your confused emotions and knowing someone somewhere is listening, can relate and is sending hugs and prayers.

I'm sorry I can't seem to offer any advice just yet as I'm still in a mess and feel it wrong but please listen to those on here who are further along the road. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs to you

Jo

WHY do people have to cheat???????????

First, you will survive this. I am so sorry about you losing your child, what an awful experience and loss.

Second. Do you want to stay in your marriage? If so what do you need to heal? What do you need from him?

Honey, the OW is not a part of your life. Don't let her in. That was advice I received long long ago. It sounded trite, but it is true. Now, for the oc. What are the plans? Do you want contact with oc or not? You will read here that the POJA states that either both or not at all to be involved. This is what you have to decide.

You should speak to a counselor to work this out. How is hubby treating you now? Are you getting the emotional support from him that you need?

OH, and get thee to an attorney and file for a legal separation and get court ordered child support for your child immediately. No matter what happens, you want your beautiful child to be financially protected. This way, if your marriage fails, she comes first. If you work it out, she is protected. It is a no lose situation for you. Especially since he is confused. Fine. You can be kind and talk this out, but don't lay your guard down just yet. Taking care of the business side of things is necessary. Stinks, but needs to be done.

There are several women on this site who have gone ahead and filed for legal seperation before OC was born to ensure that their children would be granted financial support first (as it should be) in case the marriage cannot be repaired. This is not a tactic to keep money from OC, but to make sure that your own children are financially protected first and foremost. It just makes good sense and is something that every Betrayed Spouse should do.

This advice is not to be hateful to the innocent OC in the least...it is to encourage you to do everything you can to protect your family. The OC will receive her share; don't worry, the courts will see to that.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know God will comfort you and bring you peace and blessings.

Catnip =^^=

So far, eveerything is holding itself together. H came home last night and told me he needs to have someone to talk to professionally. He told me he wants us together and he feels like his feelings are tearing him apart. I recommended for him to talk to the counselors on this site. We'll see. thank you all for your support. It's been hard. I almost left him Sunday because I felt that He didn't care at all. I didn't and I'm glad I stayed. As far as lawyers. I have a friend that works for one and she said that they would handle whatever I needed. Thanks again for the advice. I'll keep you posted on whether he talks to someone. I think he will. He is such a good man. I feel like this was an attack of sorts on our marriage. I feel today as if I can hold on. God reassured me of this. I feel like God is holding me up. Thanks again.