As many of you know, I'm mom to an OC. xMM has another OC (2 years older) with previous OW. Who I am 99.99% sure is now once again OW #1. She and I were friends for a while, and I confronted her on it, she denied it, but became more and more secretive until it affected our friendship and I ended it, wanting no part of any of it. xMM has NC with my son, and supposedly NC with both OC's is part of the agreement of him staying in the house. OC #1 thinks that OW's H is her father.
My question... I know that they're in contact. They "meet" online at specific times of the day, and I have seen his car at her house.
I feel bad for W, and am debating letter her know that maybe she might want to log her IM's, or something like that. IF I do this it will be anonymously.
**Just an FYI - I am almost 7 years out of this - I do NOT want him back or anything like that. I just feel for this woman, and think that she's been through enough.
Should I stay out of it and mind my own business? I have nothing to lose OR gain by telling her.
Would you want to know? Thanks for any input.

JoshMom,
Yes I would.

She may think her life is on track again so be careful. It's going to wake her to yet another nightmare.

Are you two friendly at all? I mean would she take a call from you?

If you can find her on line maybe you can give her the equipment she needs to look into things on her own.

YIKEES!!!

love
Debi

Gem - thanks for the reply. BW and I are not friendly - we have NC whatsoever. I don't think that she'd be receptive to a call from me, which is why I would have to do it anonymously. I was thinking of sending her instructions (if I can find them) of how to log IM's and giving her the screen names. I just feel bad for her - she obviously loves him, gave him 2nd and 3rd chances and he's just not "getting" it (the concept that is), I guess.

JoshMom,

Yes, without a doubt, I would want to know.

How do you plan on contacting her without him intercepting? Snail mail or email he might see prior to her getting ahold of it.

I figured an email would suffice. She's online a lot and I know her screen name. I doubt he'd read her email - I guess I'll have to hope that she gets it first?

I would want to know. The sooner I got the information, the sooner I was able to make decisions based on that information. Being kept in the dark is humiliating when you are the last to know.

Simply because I would want to know and everyone here seems to concur the same for their own situation, I would tell her...this is a kindness on your part, not a vindictive action, so please let this woman know she is married to a snake...whatever way you can...e-mail, snail mail, pony express, telegram, candygram, whatever works.

Cat =^^=

Thanks for all your responses. Once I figure out how to log the IM's, I'll send her directions and suggest she do that.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Good move JM!!!

Kiss that lil rascal from the MB board won't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

love
Debi

LOL OK! That lil rascal is turning 7 on Saturday and getting a trip to Disney for his troubles. And he knows NOTHING about it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This is what I've drafted. Do you think it gives enough information?

XXX, this is not a spam email. It is from someone that is actually trying to help you. You may want to look into how to log Instant Messages to see who your husband is talking to online at certain times of the day. If I could I would send you directions, but I can't find them. Here is a service that can do it, but you have to pay for it.
I'm really sorry, but I thought that you needed to know, I think that you have been through enough. Please don't ask who I am or how I know, because I will not give you that information.
http://www.zemericks.com/products/msaolim/index.asp

JM

I took a look at your link and it made me wonder if the BW might construe this e-mail and link as an underhanded/unethical advertisement (kind of like insurance salesmen showing/telling you graphic details of death). I would probably thrown in a line that sounded more "personal" like; "It bothers me to do something like this, but it bothers me more to see a woman betrayed after all you have gone through. I would want to know if it were me. I am truly sorry." JMO

Your e-mail is excellent, though..respectful and to the point, too.

<small>[ October 22, 2003, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Catnip is right,,plus I think you need to include something that lets her know his activity is MORE than improper internet contact. Something about "check his internet IM's and who he visiting on _________ St." That may make it personal enough for her to know it's not spam.


edited to ask---are you going into Disneyland or Calif Adventure or both?

<small>[ October 22, 2003, 09:20 AM: Message edited by: Nerlycrzy ]</small>

I'm going to Disney World. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
And thanks for your input. I had decided that I would go with what I was advised here - if anyone would know what to do it's the people here that are in this situation.
I may do it now, I may do it in a couple of months when I move - that way there is no backlash onto me from either xMM or xOW (#1).

JM,
Have a great time! It's wonderful there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Do tell ASAP but I understand your concern about ow#1 and MM...yikees!!!

love
debi

Joshmom,
I love the fact that you are wanting to give her a heads up. I for sure would want one.
But be careful. My OW got pissed at my H during the affair and wanted to come clean ... but hubby got he email first. Although he had his confession day shortly after ... he deleted the original email and I never got to see it's contents. Even now, I wish I would have seen what she wrote.

Perhaps a follow up anonymous phone call to see if she got the email is in order.

Any other MB's out there got any suggestions to make sure she got and read the email?

Z.

One thing I thought of is waiting until I see her online, and then sending it. I know the hours he works (or used to work - I can't see him changing that) so if I sent it between those hours I'm sure it would be just her. And he's a cop - out of the house doing details a lot (again - this is what he used to do - can't see that changing either - it's his "ticket" out of the house). I really don't think he signs on under her name, either.