I really don't know where to start. But I do understand fully what you are dealing with. Being an X-MOW myself whose A resulted in a child, its a hard thing to deal with. The big difference with us is your H really seems to want to make the marriage work.

My youngest is 6 months older than Grace, and Xmm does see the kids. It sounds as if Pops is civil in this situation. My H has attempted fights many of times with XMM, with the kids present.

I know the emotions that are running wild your head. Its scarey. I know the feeling of not wanting to be touched by your partner. For me its the feeling of guilt that I can't seem to get over. I look back at what I have done and have the constant reminder of the children. I do love them to death, but when you think of all the pain you caused and how the children were brought here, it hurts.

I know with me, I do care for XMM, but nothing will ever come to be with us again. He is the father of 2 of my children. That is it.

What I admire most of your situation is that it seems that all of you can act like adults and be civil.

Sorry to ramble, I have a hard time with emotions these days and putting them down. Good luck