I'm married me and my husband have three daughters, 22, 18, 16, he recently had an affair which a child was born. i asked him to leave, but he doesen't want to leave he says he loves me and want's the marriage, i'm a christian women and want to do what is right by me and this matter what are my responsibilities to this man marriage and his outside child. i do love him, but i need help on how to handle this nnightmare. hurt and confused.

My best advice is - get MC ASAP if you can. Do you still love him? Do you want to save the marriage? Give yourself some time to seriously consider that question.

Having an other child outside the marriage will not be easy to accept but it can be done! Remember the child is innocent! Does your H want to know his child? If he does and you choose to stay M, you HAVE to accept the child also for the M to work! Can you do that? I didn't think I could ever until I saw her. I haven't met OC in person yet but I've seen pictures and my heart just melts when I see her! Like I said. Take some time to think about what lies ahead. The road to recovery is not easy at all. I'm not fully there yet myself but my hopes are higher than they were a year ago!

Good luck!

You do not have to accept anything you are not ready for. Read through this sight. If your husband wants to stay in the marriage, everything has to be done as a couple, both in total agreement. Don't allow anyone to force this oc on you.

Take your time. You can rebuild your marriage with or without the oc. That is your choice to make. Read through this site and learn. Don't allow others to play the "innocent" child on you. All children are innocent, including yours. It makes no difference what age, or who the parents are, they are all innocent. Don't let that argument be used against you. You yourself are innocent. You have been hurt. Don't bury that. Your husband wants to stay with you, start there. This is your life, you need to live it the way you choose. So slow down, take your time and learn. Also, do not feel guilty if you do not want contact with the oc. That is perfectly within reason. The OW and your H created this oc. She had to have known the possiblity that he would not be there to raise a child. He also had to have known that this situation would create problems in his own family. The oc is one of many hurt people in an EMR. They are not the only one. Focus on you and your own family.

TIADASIAYA,
I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE. MY H OC IS ABOUT 5mo. OLD AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM EXCEPT IN A PICTURE. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE SEPERATED AND THAT IS VERY PAINFUL FOR ME THOUGH THEY (H AND ow) ARE NOT TOGETHER I HATE THE WHOLE SITUATION, BUT I DO AGREE WITH THE ABOVE POSTS. THIS IS A REALLY GOOD SITE AND THERE IS ALOT OF GOOD ADVICE. JUST REMEMBER THAT GOD GAVE US DIVORCE FOR THE HARDNESS OF OUR HEARTS. SOMEDAYS I CAN TELL YOU,ARE EASIER THAN OTHERS TO DECIDE DIVORCE IS THE BEST OPTION, BUT I ASK YOU AS A WOMAN IN CHRIST, PRAY-PRAY-PRAY. GOD WILL LEAD YOU AND HE WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU.