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#823617 11/02/03 03:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 2
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I'v been married for 16 years to a wonderful women who i love very much. she very attentive affectionate, loving and compassinonate and very romantic. she often complain that i wasn"t romancing her enough thru notes letters and cards. i just ignored her and her wants and feelings. i had an affair for three years of our marriage and bore a child. my wife found out and was devastated. i truly love her very much and don't want this marriage to end. she is always so silent and every time she looks at me i can see the hurt in her eyes. what can i do to make her happy again? how do i handle the child matter with her? i do support the child, whichis ok with my wife; but she feels she should be apart of my visitation with the child. and that it should be on nutral grounds, and not at the childs mother"s recidence.i know i"ve done wrong by her. but she's still chose to be by my side. she attends church reguarly, also bible study and is always giving. i used to always critcise her going to church and paying tithes. i really took her for granted. please help me to help myself so i can be the man i"m suppose to be to my wife. i truly love her very much.

#823618 11/02/03 07:12 PM
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,094
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chen,,,,,,, i am surprised thatyou are still married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> your wifw (w) has my utmostadmiration for putting up with the way she has been treated. if you are smart you will start to treat her like the angel she has proven to be to you.

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she very attentive affectionate, loving and compassinonate and very romantic.
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wht more could a man ask for in a w?


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she often complain that i wasn"t romancing her enough thru notes letters and cards
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she told you exactly what she needed from you and you choose to give it to someone else!!! what a fool. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />


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she feels she should be apart of my visitation with the child.
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THIS IS A MUST. what is the matter with you dude? she is your w and she has told you she is willing to accept you with this crappy situation you have brought into her life. let her do it. make her a part of the visittions and make them with you and YOUR W, NOT the ow.


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it should be on nutral grounds, and not at the childs mother"s recidence.
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it doesn't have to be at nuetral grounds. it can be at your house also but it can NEVER be at the ow's house again.


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i used to always critcise her going to church and paying tithes.
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again, what the heck is wrong with you. what country do you live in. in the free world there is such a thing as freedom of religion. how can you belittle anyone for that? so now i quess she should make fun of you for paying your tithe for the next 18 years or so.


i don't know you any more then what i have read in this short post you wrote. but from those few words you seem to be what i call a taker. to me this is defined as a person that is so self centered they never see what someone else is doing for them. and although that person could be breaking their back for you, you will continue to ask for more and give nothing of yourself in return.

i am sorry if this sounds insulting or offensive to you. stories like yours make me so angry i can't see straight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

you want to make things right for your w? if you are serious about that statement it's pretty simple. do for her ten fold what she has done for you.

let your w handle all future communication with ow. if ow complains in any way you set her straight with your w present. explain to ow that you understand that the A with her was wrong and that you love your w and want to make your marriage work. also tell her that your w is your partner in life and that the oc needs to know her (W) and your relationship with her (W).

now is the time for you to stand up and become the man you are asking advice on how to be. if you can't do that then you should (in my opinion only) divorce her so she can find someone wo will treat her as she deserves.

again sorry if this sounds harsh but imho you have abused your w and it is time to stop. you may say that you don't have to listen to this crap that i am dealing you and leave this forum. that would prove you to be the same man you have been so far.

<small>[ November 02, 2003, 06:38 PM: Message edited by: pops ]</small>

#823619 11/03/03 06:15 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,303
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CHEN,
Are you still there? What's going on now? Are you reading all the helpful articles on this site?

Probably the reason why your wife is still with you is because she 1.loves you and 2.she is a God-fearing woman.

Is the affair over? If so, then work on your marriage and do what your wife says you need to do to rebuild her trust!

Don't post once and run away, we are here to help you! Face the music! Fix what was broken! You can do it! Don't give up!

#823620 11/03/03 10:07 PM
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,094
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chen,,,,,,,, i want to appoligize not for what i wrote but for the tone in which i wrote it.


if you want to make things right in your marriage you need to start LISTENING to HER. it seems she has been telling you exactly what she wants and needs from you and you continue to do as YOU please.

she obviously loves you and took her wedding vows seriously. now is the time for you to step up and start showing her that you do and did the same. good luck, pops


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