LONG time reader-first post
How can this be- EVERYTHING I've read or heard say that if I filed for support first (legally separated) then the OW support couldn't affect mine but here H is going to court and they say that he can not claim the child support he pays for our D because OW D was born first BUT he can re-file with me to lower MY support if he wants to (ONLY 4 months between them and didn't even know OW was pregnant). This goes against everything I thought and is a huge blow to me. I DON'T deny OW's D child support by ANY means, H SHOULD pay her and the OC is entitled to support but I thought getting my D into the system first would assure me that OW could affect me. MY GOD the woman (and yes H too for all the trolls on this board) has screwed up my life enough but now to be told that her D who was NOT planned and conceived in a bathroom is MORE important and entitled to MORE than my D who was planned (by both) and conceived in marriage. PLZ OW leave me alone right now, I don't need to hear all the negatives from you. I just want some understanding and support, which it seems some OW are incapable of.

Oh sweetie. How awfull. Fight this. In my state, it is first come, first served. Call another attorney, a good divorce one, and get a 2nd opinion.

Oh, and if some OW comes on here babbling about how innocenty the oc is, and how they, they OW did noting wrong, and all the other typical "not my fault" OW garbage, I will have your back.

But you go and find an attorney that will fight for you. Maybe each state is different, but I would fight tooth and nail here. OC are not worth more then the children of the marriage.

I was hoping that you would respond Lynn!
My H just left the lawyers office this morning and said that even though I filed legally first it makes no difference. First born EQUALS more important than anything else! Why the hell is that? Do people just NOT love their OTHER children as much as a first born? Are second, third and forth children not as *ucking important that they should be looked after too. This is SUCH a blow to me. I thought I was covered and protected but now H can come back and LOWER my support for our D and the OW wins everything she wants. I just want to scream and KILL her (him too) but once a man "donates" his sperm, its OUT of his hands and women get ALL the power. I was crying so hard I had to leave my desk for 30 minutes. My D is NOT second rate!

I don't expect you to say what state you are in, but you need to look into this. I phoned by attorney yesterday and he stated that law is interpretation.

Call a divorce laywer and ask about this.

Of course you are shocked and saddend. Who wouldn't be. You need to lick your wounds and pamper yourself right now. Are you staying with your husband? How is he about all of this? Is he understanding of your pain and anger? Is he angry?

If your husband works for a large company, ther are things you can do to protect future assets from leaving the home. This has to be done legally. But there are things.

Example: Increases in Salary. You can see how you can reroute them so they are not recorded as income against his social security number. We formed a consulting agency, with my sister and I as owners, and it has it's own tax identification number. It has nothing to do with husbands income. We bill my husbands company for services and we are paid, not him. This has effectively allowed us to keep family dollars in the home. Now, some will say it is morally wrong, etc. Well what is moral about any of this? That is just an expample. A good solid divorce attorney can help you with the child support issued. You keep calling and looking into that. You can interview attorneys regarding that issue.

As for the future, and income, etc. Find a firm that has a corporate attorney and interview them. Maybe your divorce attorney will know of some tax attorneys, etc that they can recommend.

I know you are hurt and angry right now. You have a right to be. Just don't fall down now. You need to still stay strong and fight for what is right. Many will tell you how oc deserves this or that. That is their opinon.

As for your own family. Don't let this ow and her oc ruin what you want out of life. If, for some reason, your state is going to stick to this ridiculus ruling, move to another plan. Try and protect all future assets. You are not down and out yet. Things can be done, AS LONG AS IT IS DONE LEGALLY.

My mantra is pay the child support, no contact and live your life. Enjoy your husband, your child, etc. By having no contact, you don't have to deal with ow/oc or any of the drama that comes with this. I feel, contact is destructive to all involved. Part of the whole mess, is that innocent people get hurt by the selfish acts of two. And I agree with you 100% that once the OW decides to keep oc, she gets to be the tail that wags the dog. A man can't force abortions on these women, but they can force a child on a family? So, to protect yourself from manipulation, games and overall OW drama, pay the CS, and do a no contact.

You will also need to amend your will. Make sure that OC is mentioned, and that oc is to receive nothing. If you don't mention OC, they can go after your assets. This is why you need a good attorney upfront.

This will go on for 18-21 years. You need to be proactive and protective. A good attorney will help. What we did was set up severe rules. We allowed absolutely NO CONTACT unless through attorneys. She was not allowed to call our home, or those of our relatives. We protected our entire family. These OW types feel that the whole family will be thrilled that OC is born, the assume that grandparents will be thrilled to hear news about OC. They will beg for little OC to meet the "siblings" They will spend a lifetime trying to worm their way into your family and your day to day life. They will act as if they are an ex wife, and their child is the only one that matters. This is where you need the laywer. Write it out plain and clear. NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER.

Then go on with your life.

But for now, honey, you need to keep checking into this CS issue.

well the om parents (oc grandparents) would love to see oc, life isnt always the worse scenario, and i have never contacted the om's family, they have made all contact. and i also dont believe any child is worth more than another, in that fact, the states are truly messed up.