I was hoping for some input from K, Pops or anyone else who are raising children that aren't genetically theirs...

Baby Boy is 6 weeks old this weekend, and my H really takes care of him. Holds him when he cries, feeds him when its bottle time etc. I really can't see a difference between how H treats this baby than how he treated our other children.... which I think is amazing. But my question is... when did the love come into the picture? Did you love the child immediately or did it take time?

e.

I read your post to my H, probably not much help, but he said immediatly. He loved the children the moment they were born.

E,

Well, I believe for Sailorman, there was a short time of needing to be able to accept the situation, but as for loving Abbi, I believe that was shortly after we were home from the hospital! Unfortunately, everyone runs at their own pace! I believe that your H may already have begun to love this little boy, and it will only grow as time passes! I've said it before, but about 4 months ago, I said to Sailorman, "Do you ever want to do a DNA, just out of curiosity?" His reply was, "Why do we need to do that? Abbi's my little girl and that's all that matters!"

I say that if your H is so involved right now, don't push to hear him actually say the words! How often do we hear that someone is always saying that they love their H/W, but it's not fully believeable until they SHOW that love?!?! What is your H showing this little boy, regardless of what he is or isn't saying right now.

I hope that I was even somewhat helpful. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to more updates!

Love,

Tigger

e29,

I'd say immediately. For me, this was the third child and so I knew what to do with an infant (versus the first one, where you're figuring it all out). I love infants, and you could drop one off on my doorstep today and I'd be enthralled by tomorrow (assuming someone helps with the midnight feeding).

I don't think it takes much time to bond to a baby, if you're capable of doing it. Because I had six months pre-birth to work out any issues I might have had regarding the origin of the child---it really wasn't a problem.

I'm glad that your husband is enjoying the little guy. I'd love to have another baby around the house, but it's not in the cards...

e29,,,,,,,, it probably took me about 2-3 weeks. but most of that time was me trying not to become attached. what a waste. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

pops

e29,

i think like pops, my h was almost trying not to love liam at first... didn't last long! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

how can any man or woman with a heart beating inside of them resist a little baby? especially once they start to react and respond to you? liam is almost 5 1/2 months now. when my h comes home from school/work, he's always rewarded with the biggest grin and liam won't take his eyes off of him.

i think the first month was probably the hardest for my h just because there were so many other people around wanting to hold liam and spend time with him, that h didn't really get much of a chance. i just consciously tried to help them bond... giving liam to h when he was nice and happy, not screaming. suggesting my h lie down with him for a bit to put him to sleep, which always ended up with them having a nap together.

i know you were worried at first that your h didn't really want anything to do with your new baby and that he resented you for loving him... seems like things have changed, eh.

are you worried that it's not genuine? or were you just wondering about other's timelines?

amy

Thanks to everyone for their replies.

My H saw me on this site last night and got all concerned and wanted to know what I was posting about. I was afraid to tell him what I had asked, embarassed almost. Because I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or pressured to feel anything for Baby. But I eventually told him what I had posted. And his response was why didn't I just ask him how he felt?
Honestly... I'm just scared. I love this child so much and I want the world to love him! And so its easier to just not know.
But after talking to H its obvious that he loves Baby. I can't even put into words what that means to me. I'm so happy for Baby that he has the best daddy ever. A daddy who chose him. It's an amazing thing. We're both pretty lucky!

Thanks again everyone.

e.

e29,

I would highly recommend that you go to your husband and ask him about anything that's troubling you, before you come here. This is a great resource, and people have wonderful opinions---but it's what you and your husband think and feel that's important for the marriage. Just come here to get the rules on how to behave...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />