I was asked in a message below about teens. Somebody (sorry I forgot who) was just ready to start the teens.
Well, I am smack in the middle of it. 18, 17 and 11. I have learned somethings, and trust me most was learned the hard way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> But it was me being stupid!!!!!
1. They can change moods faster then a man with a remote. They can lash out harshly and that was what was hard on me. It took me a while to regain my footing. I always thought they were mad at me. What i learned was they are not mad, but confused, scared, etc. I finally learned to let them have their moods.
2. Be a parent first, then a friend. It is so hard realize that their lives are not centered on the family so much. I also learned that being a teenager is actually quite hard. One time, my d was exhausted and wanted some alone time. No friends or family. So I grounded her. She was able to tell her friends that she was grounded. H and other kids and I went out that night. She just needed time to unwind, and be alone.
3. Listen Listen Listen. I spent some horrid years throught those 13-16 year span. They can get mouthy, know it all,etc. But for me if I really paid close attention to what was going on, who their friends are, etc. You can ususally figure out what is bugging them. My d had friends who started drinking and smoking. She HATES the smell of smoke. She was getting scared that she would have not one single friend and they would think she was a Nerd. So, once I knew that, I made sure that her lunches were different then theirs, no classes with them, etc. It allowed her some space to make new friends without pressure, let them grow apart. Today, she has wonderful friends. Pay close attention.
4. Keep a sense of Humor. They are going to break curfew, they are going to try and do things you don't want them to. They WILL get caught. The stories are going to be amusing, after you get past the anger of it all!! Once my d gave a ride home to a friend of hers, with my car. We were out of town for a day trip. She did not have a license. No problem, until she was seen by my brother in law!!! He made her park the car and drove her home. Then he broght my car home. Her reasons for why she had to do that was simply stupid!!! I was mad. She was in trouble. Today, now that she has a car and pays her own insurance, we laugh at that storty and how stupid it was. She was in big big trouble over that one. That was worth getting angry at. Others, like when they toilet paper houses, or skip a class are annoying. The school will expect you to be attila the hun. But there usually is a good reason for somethings. Skipping, if not a habit and their grades are good and they are thriving could be a sign of something else. Our d skipped cause of her period. No way was she telling her male counselor that one. So just take it as it comes.
COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICTATE. It is probably the hardest thing to keep up with teens. They are now sharing things with friends and while that is natural. You need to find a way to allow them to trust you with their secrets again. I don't know how they lose it, but they do. When D had the skip class deal, she thoughtI would be angry. I was not. I understood. I also told her at that time, that sometimes it is ok to just take some mental health time. I let her stay home the first nice day last spring just to enjoy it. This is not the norm. But by doing that, she learned that I am not her warden, but her mother and that I can be a friend too.
The teen years are exhausting, fun, scary, annoying, expensive and every other emotion you can toss in. But nothing is more loving then when your teenager comes up and hugs you and says "thanks" and you say "for what" and they say "everything" and they walk away. Forgetting that exchange, and are on the phone with their friends. Long after they forgot they even said it, your heart will still be warm and fuzzy.
