Well, here are the results from court today…

We got to court and OW was in the courtroom and the GAL was standing outside the door waiting until the Referee finished his “speech” to begin the day… When he began calling the docket, we stepped inside the courtroom. He explained to OW why he suspended her visit this week, and she said she understood.
We were then told to go ahead and wait in the hall to speak to a court officer. When we went into the hall the GAL explained to OW that the reason we were in court today was because of our concerns about the erratic way she uses visitation. She asked if OW thought that she could discuss it with us and get everything settled without having a mediator. OW said she thought we could do it between the 3 of us. So, she said she didn’t think she needed an attorney. I guess because we didn’t have one, she wasn’t as intimidated.
So, we began to discuss it amongst ourselves. I kinda led the way, because neither one of them wanted to bring it up. Mr Lee was kinda in a goofy mood (sleep deprived) and was just chattering about lots of nothing… so I took the lead…
“We want to get things arranged so that it is easier on Lil Bit and on you. You have had lots of times over the past year or so that has been difficult on you… and we want to help smooth it out.
We feel that we need to get the custody completely decided upon, school is coming up and we don’t want to do this at the last minute. She can begin preschool next year and we can’t put her in 2 schools during the same year.”
This is how I began… then we progressed to talking about the changes… We asked her what situation would work best for her... we talked about Summer vacations, Spring Break...etc. The 3 of us came to this decision…
We shall have Primary custody… OW will have visitation, every other weekend. In summer, we will alternate weeks. But the holiday schedules will remain the way it was agreed upon in the prior mediation.

When we presented this to the Referee and the GAL, they both had some reservations. They felt that the things we had raised in our petition raised many red flags for them… the GAL even made the comment she was concerned about OW possibly using drugs, so the Referee popped a drug test on OW today…have to wait for the results…
He sent us to the Mediators to fill out the forms for the parenting agreement… and then he signed it into order.

So we now have Primary Custody of Lil Bit…OW will have visitations every other weekend and will alternate weeks in the summer… As for C/S… the referee told OW that she owes c/s starting immediately, but if Mr Lee doesn’t file to fight for it… then he doesn’t file… but that she is still responsible…

All of this is effective immediately!! And OW will begin her visitations next weekend.

Thank you My friends for your prayers and support… PRAYER WORKS!!

<small>[ November 13, 2003, 02:26 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>

Stacia,

Way to go!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Stacia,
I couldn't be happier for all of you!

Prayer does work and God does his own thing all in good time.

Lil Bit will be so much better off.....
Now kiss that new baby and sit back and smile!
Love
Debi

Oh Stacia!!!

What WONDERFUL news!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WOW Stacia!!

Awesome news!!

Yehhh for the Lee family!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

A very big congratulations to you!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

e.

Wow, more stability for your LilBit! Cool!

Stacia: Yes, congratulations! You are one wonderful woman!

This is outstanding news for three very important reasons:

1. Lil Bit will not be shoved back and forth and forced to go through a lot of emotional upheaval since you provide such a stable and wonderful home for her. OW has the security of knowing her child is in the best possible hands.

2. OW will have a chance to straighten out her own life which has been such a mess for so long. She probably realizes on some level that her lifestyle has not been good for Lil Bit...plus she must know that you are reasonable and kind and will not withhold Lil Bit from her as long as she is sober, clean and away from abusive BF

3. You and Mr. Lee can provide a normal living arrangement for yourselves and both your kids. The court stuff is behind you and now all you have to do is live your lives.

I feel for OW but at the same time I see this as an opportunity for her to get her problems resolved. I hope she does.

Good luck and God bless all of you.

Cat =^^=

awesome news! Congradulations!

Stacia - congratulations. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think that it's wonderful that she can be with her little brother all the time!! How IS she with baby Mac??

Joshmom,
Lil Bit is a miniature Mommy! She wants to feed Baby Mac all the time.. only problem... I am breastfeeding! She thinks by lifting her shirt and putting Baby Mac in her lap, she will be able to feed him!
I am in the process of supplementing with formula, so soon she will be able to actually help feed him.

She loves him so much... and JUST yesterday, she was talking to him and he focused in on her and SMILED <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> the biggest sweetest smile! I just melted!
My baby boy loves his big sister! My baby girl loves her baby brother!!

I am a blessed Mommy... more than I could ever have dreamed!

Thank you for asking about them.

Stacia

Thank you K, Gem, Nerlycrzy, Aut, e29, BtDt, angelia, Cat, Jenny and Joshmom!!! (I refuse to leave anyone out!)

Thank you for the congrats and the support you have all shown me!! (* <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That sounds conceited...)
I should say "shown US."

((HUGS)) to all!!!

Stacia

*edited to add*

<small>[ November 14, 2003, 03:06 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Stacia_Lee:
<strong> Joshmom,
Lil Bit is a miniature Mommy! She wants to feed Baby Mac all the time.. only problem... I am breastfeeding! She thinks by lifting her shirt and putting Baby Mac in her lap, she will be able to feed him!
I am in the process of supplementing with formula, so soon she will be able to actually help feed him.

She loves him so much... and JUST yesterday, she was talking to him and he focused in on her and SMILED <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> the biggest sweetest smile! I just melted!
My baby boy loves his big sister! My baby girl loves her baby brother!!

I am a blessed Mommy... more than I could ever have dreamed!

Thank you for asking about them.

Stacia </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMG!!! How cute is THAT!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good for you! I think I would also tell xWS to fight for full custody if there were an OC. A kid needs a mom and dad.

stacie, how did you end up with custody??// My husband of three years recently had an affair, stupid as this was, she ended up pregnant. we are in the process of getting prenatal testing done to find out is it is his or not. the affair ended, he wanted to save his marriage. He then found out after 4 months of no contact she was pregnant. If it is his, I have demanded that we go file for custody. I am hoping she will terminate her rights, but doubting it. she has no job, 20 yrs old, moved back home with grandma, and going thru divorce, not to mention the smoking, drugd, parting. any advice on how to get child.........what is the general feeling for this situation in the courts, any one know.

christinas2001,

Its a long story... but I will try to give you the Reader's Digest version.

I learned of the A 4 months into OW's pg... a "friend" of ours told me on the phone. H and I had been separated approx 2 wks when I got that call. 2 wks later I realized I had miscarried again. After telling H, we began rebuilding. He chose to move into my new apartment with me.

In the following weeks we weighed our options. I spoke with OW on the phone, used H's cell phone because I knew she would answer that number. She told me that H had made his choice and he wanted to stay with me. I told her the best thing for her to do would be to forget she ever met him and move on with her life and take care of the child.
Her reply to that was "I will NOT stop seeing him and YOU can't make me!" (very juvenile)
Needless to say, she didn't see him again without me around. H saw to that.

OW had said that she was going to have an amnio and H had asked her to do a DNA test at that time. She cancelled the amnio. So, H filed to establish paternity through the court system.
Our attorney at the time had advised us to have NC with OW or OC until DNA was proven(I was the skeptical one, H was sure).
The courts ordered OW to have DNA done after the child was born and 2 wks after that it came back as 99.99% H's.
It was during this time I learned of OW's History. Prior to this, I wanted nothing to do with OW or OC. I wanted no part of it at all. C/S was all I was willing to do... but knew that would be difficult because H already was paying c/s for his son from a previous marriage.
Lil Bit is her 3rd child. The first she mercifully gave up for adoption, but the father stepped in and took him. OW never saw him. He is approx. 10 yrs old now.
The 2nd child she kept. Around the age of 4/5, he was beaten severely about the head and neck area with a chainlink dogleash, by one of her exboyfriends. She lost custody of him because she failed to protect him. He is now 8, and OW's mom & grandmother have custody of him.
Her history is peppered with domestic violence. This was when I changed my mind about contact. How could I turn my back on this small child, she needed someone to be there for her.

OW had H watch Lil Bit when she went back to work. She left the poor little thing filthy. Feces crusted in her privates.. terrible to see. H reported it to the Dept of Children Services. They came and checked it out...
We then went through a long court process... H was awarded Joint Physical Custody with 51% of EACH week. This was in Oct of 2001. Lil Bit was 3 months old. The whole court thing went from Sept 01- Apr 02.
Things went pretty smooth for awhile.
In Aug 02 OW needed daycare for Lil Bit. We stepped up. Ow quit her job in Dec 02, didn't need daycare anymore, but still left Lil Bit with us for extended periods. This trend continued until July 03.
At that time she left her with us from the 23rd of July all the way until Oct 12th, only seeing her for 6 hours in September.
We filed to modify custody because of this erratic behavior.

OW agreed to the change. She didn't argue one bit.

So, it wasn't anything special we did. It was the fact that OW really didn't want to be a mother. She seems to have no desire to fulfill the role she began by becoming pg. Some women don't want that role... its not in their nature, and the OW in my life just happens to be one of them.

thanks stacie, don't think it will be that easy for us. We got the test kit 2 days ago, waiting to get it done. One step at a time from there on I guess. I am praying and crossing by fingers it comes back not his.................. but if it is I will love the child, and we will raise it together. I am working hard rigt now to correct those things that led up to the affair, to make us stronger. I admire you for what you are doing, hope if it comes to it, I can do it as well.