As I had stated in my other thread, "to be or not to be...." H and I are still involved w/Oc as of now and went to final court hearing last Thrusday (11/13/03) to officially finalize visitation schedule. Everything seemed to go fine. No surprises, OW didn't mention to her lawyer that she had mentioned to us that she now wanted H and I to have NC w/OC after thispast year and half we have been trying to have her more....blah blah blah


So I go to pick up OC from school yesterday for "scheduled" after school visit (all other visits are overnight 4 and 3 nights at a time).

Strangely I had the same physical symptoms I used to get when this "process" had just started and we had recently met OW and OC. I felt nausious and had knots in my stomach and totally felt anxious. I arrived early, as usual, and while I'm waiting in the parking lot for school to let out...OW shows up, surprised to see me!!! OH GREAT!!!! I start feeling totally anxious now and shaky!!!!

She explains to me that she had "cut out" the after school visit at the court last week and thought we knew since we didn't say anything about it! Technically it is our fault that we did not notice. NOthing we can do about it. BUT, she had mentioned cutting it out last month because it just "wan't working for her" (it was the only visit she had to drive to p/u OC from our house, the rest of the month we do all the driving to and from school) but we told her we did not want to cut it out because then we wouldn't see OC for 9 days straight (too long of a stretch) and if it was too much for her then OC could just spend the night and we could take her to school. She said ok then said no, it was only 2 more times until OW schedule would change and then it wouldn't be a problem. So we believed the issue was dead.

Apparently not! It slipped past us because we were not expecting any changes to the schedule, she said she was in agreement. We even specifically told her to let us know if there was something she disagreed on and we could discuss it. She said that she told her lawyer and our lawyer but our lawyer (when we called her today) said she knew nothing about it. Some lawyer!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> \

I can't believe we let our guard down and that she could be so low and sneaky!!!! The thing is it's just ONE NIGHT of driving per month!!!!! ONE NIGHT!!!! It's only to p/u OC from our home after school (since she'd be in daycare any way!) in the evening.

Because it's "not working" for her (whine whine whine!!!) WHat is up w/ that!!!!! This whole mess isn't working for me but so what!!!! get over yourself!!!! If we did not do all the driving then we would not be able to see OC at all because it is "not working" for OW!!!!

Yep, I know,I know, my fault, shouldn't have agreed to get involved in the first place!!! Why do OW want all they can get from MM then make it all so difficult!!!!!

So yesterday, since I was there @ the school I was able to take her with. BUT it's at her parents house and I guess my H is not allowed to go to door of parents house now (this is new, OW used to live there so we used to drop her off there before) if OW is not there. That makes me mad too!!! Like we are second rate or something!!!!! Oh please, so they not see what their daughter is....my H has always been married!!!!!

OW acts all nice and then pulls some stunt again!!! How low can you be? ONE time of driving per month???? What is that to complain about? WE live about 1/2 hour away so taking OC to school and picking her up is not easy but we do it or else we can't see OC. Everything for OW is within 5 min. in any direction to school, work, home, grandparents, ect. SHe is such an idiot!!!

Am I just going off for nothing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I was so mad and wanted to just tell her off and tell her how stupid she is and so difficult and what is the big deal, we can't make it any easier on her. (well, i guess if we were totally out of the picture and she just got the $$$$ would be easier) ANd remind her that it's not about HER anymore!!! BUT I had all the kiddies and OC so of course I have to be the responsible one and keep my cool and "be a good example". I felt too shaky any way!!!

I also just wanted to tell her FINE! do what you want....just take her....I give up!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Why am I getting all upset about trying to give your kid a father.....if YOU don't even care enough? She is such an idiot!

it's "not working" for her!!! wah wah wah!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Does any one else ever feel physically sick and shaky when having to see/ be around OW? Is this normal? These symptoms had finally stopped about 2 1/2 months ago (when we finally had a clear visitation/custody agreement) but it all came back yesterday. I would feel this way when ever we were driving to OW house to get or drop off OC

(PS: my H was not there because he gets off work @ 3 and OC gets off of school @ 3 so I pick her up)

Ahhh...the world of "Contact"!

This is a perfect example of the OP wanting it both ways and making things tough out of jealousy and spite, I suppose. I've seen this happen to a lot of Betrayeds quite a bit here on this site. I'm not sure what their motives are but if you refused contact, she's be screaming about how she and OC have been "Abandoned".

You cannot win, so don't even try. You are looking at 18 years of frustration unless OW decides to put the kid first instead of calculating inconveninces for you.

It's the little stones that are tough to carry...not the big rocks. Pretty soon, when you are carrying too many of those little stones, you jsut ahve to let it drop.

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family. It ain't fun and it might not be worth it if she continues to be unreasonable. The one thing that concerns me is that the innocent little OC has bonded with both of you and not having contact would be very upsetting for her. But, that's not your fault if this doesn't work out. OW is hurting her own kid; not you.

You've done everything you can do. If the OW doesn't want to work things out with you, then she leaves you little options. Leave the rest to heaven.

Good luck and God bless

Cat =^^=

<small>[ November 19, 2003, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

KTbunch,

I'm so sorry that she's putting you and your husband through this crap. She doesn't realize she's hurting her own child in the process by being so selfish. I agree she's being stupid. It sounds like she did this through the courts in a sneaky manor.

Don't let her use this child as a pawn. If you and your husband was good enough for your regular visitaiton then, why not now. Her excuse is not good enough.

If it bothers you and your husband this much, do something to nip it in the bud now or she will forever feel she has the power to pull the rug from under your feet.

Good luck.

Well, technically, as our "lawyer" said, if we went to court to contest this, the courts would just say that we had "representation" and we "agreed" to it at that time, suggested we try to work it out "privately". So it was sneaky but legal.

We thought we were at the point where we (OW, H & I) could discuss and make "adjustments" to the schedule when necessary, for instance, due to our regular visitation schedule and the holidays we were going to have OC many nights in a row and OW would only have 1 night then it would be our turn again for almost a week so we were letting OW pick OC up a few days early so that would not be so. Since this little stunt yesterday we let her know that we were disappointed about her sneakiness and since what is on the "order" is what she wanted we will strictly stick to the order. AND since we will not be spending as much time w/ OC as we thought we were, then we do not want to give up any of the time we do have so we will not be "adjusting" the schedule after all!

I don't feel bad because the court order is something we all "agreed" to and we were just trying to be nice and considerate of OW but why? You can't be sane w/ the insane!!!

It's not like OW won't see OC anyway, she will just come to the school and have lunch w/ her every day we have her(after holiday is 4 weekdays). And believe me, this is a lot of work we go through to see OC because we will be taking her to and from school and everything and a 30 minute drive is way more than that first thing in the morning w/ the traffic.

So for all the people "concerned" for the innocent OCs out there and hate to hear of NC, we are going way out of our way to accomodate OW and adjusting OUR family, just to be a part of OC life.

If I had met LynnG earlier it would be different.

So we will play by OW rules and tactics. I hate to sound like this is a game but we have tried to go the "reasonable" route w/ OW and it is impossible so we will just use her rules and then it's all "fair".

That really sucks! I havent went through this yet. I dodnt even know if I will, the OW is about 5 months preg. But I could imagine that I would feel sick EVERY time I had to be even close to OW! Let alone seeing her. I have yet to see her face to face after I FOUND OUT. (Sept 16th) Good luck to you! You are the better person here, for even trying to help! Being there! Caring! Its sad that she cant see that you are willing to accept all this and care still. Why are people so selfish?
Good luck to you and yours!

uh NO I am not a "better" person <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , I felt I had no choice but to "care"! Unfortunately I was misguided in my "caring", I should have put MY children first. I made that mistake and will now advise others not to make the same mistake. Every one says the same thing about me, that I'm a "strong woman" and such a "good person" and "Godly woman". whatever, it makes me want to scream and say "are you looking @ ME?". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I know the true me and it's not that.

I do rely soley on God to get me through this every day, some days more than others but that other stuff is so not true! I'm not better, stronger or good! But as an adult I try to keep that stuff to myself, well, I do let my H see the true me sometimes and he's very sympathetic (and forgiving) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm still dreaming of moving far, far, far away!

Well this is coming from a BW & XOW, what your OW is doing is pure wrong. It seems that she is having to much fun playing games trying to make you suffer. WHat she doesn't realize is that she is damnaging her own child along with yours for the sake of her own pleasure.

It really irks me when people use children to get back at others. If she really cared about her daughter she wouldn't be pulling this crap.

(((KT)))) Some hugs for you and your family. SO sorry that you or anyone has to go through this crap.

She is a bitter one huh?

Since this is done legally, let it go. Sounds like you see oc enough. Don't let it eat at you. That is what she wants. Only you can control your reaction and ow isn't worth the effort to get mad.

What does your husband say about all of this?

my H? well, he doesn't say much. He was just as upset and told OW so, but he's not as verbal as me. He keeps much calmer than me and less emotional. I just have to get these things out of my system. OW is like that too, very calm and quiet, passive-aggressive I think, manipulative! The counselor says OW doesn't know how to be assertive <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> like me. whatever! H says OW just wants me/us to get upset so if I/we do, she gets what she wants.

My H tries to keep me calm and not so upset so we can maintain focus on OC and not OW. He tries to help me maintain my "better than her" status by not sinking to her level. He really can't say much because he is probably trying so hard not to say the wrong thing to upset me or set me off, doesn't want to sound like defending OW or taking her side for something. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />