I've been reviewing my WW's cell phone and have confirmed the number of the OM. Right now all I want to do is call him and ream him out; how he needs to watch his back after f**king around with another man's wife.

I really want to scare the sh*t out of him now that I know his name and phone number. I even know what I'd want to say:

You stupid sun of a b|tch. What the f**k are you doing messing around with another man's wife, you f**king *******!? You've gone and done as much damage as one person can do to two marriages, four (soon to be six) lives. F**king idiot!

Let me make one thing clear to you, Mr. Can't-Keep-it-in-his-Pants: You better keep an eye looking over your shoulder for a LONG while. I may decide one day to pay you back in spades for the misery and heartache you've brought on my family with physical torment. I've got a two foot crowbar that would do wonders on the soft skull holding the cancerous tumor you call a brain. It would be a pleasure to relieve you of your life!

Be afraid, you f**knut! I now know who you are!

Probably illegal, I know, but I'm not being rational now; my rage is in full control.

<small>[ November 21, 2003, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: Ferruz ]</small>

As a BH I feel your rage, but what good will it do for you to go to jail or prison for a piece of excrement that is not worth it? Besides I've lived long enough and have witnessed many times that the old saying 'what goes around comes around' is indeed true. Rest assured that one of these days he's going to get his without you lifting a finger to make it so.

Lastly, remember that it takes a REAL MAN to be able to forgive his W for her betrayal, and that is something that the OM will never be.

<small>[ November 21, 2003, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

I called my counselor shortly after posting this (good thing I've got a session at 6 tonight, should be one for the ages).

He told me much as you did, TMCM. Also that if I want to keep control of the situation, don't arm the OM with the ammo of me going nuclear on him; it would make me out to be the bad guy instead of the injured party.

I'll have a wonderful dream tonight, though. Me giving this buttwad his comeuppance.

This is by far the most angry I have yet been over this whole mess. I'm very nearly considering leaving work early and hang up the old punching bag in the basement to channel my rage in a direction where no one gets hurt.

I hope his wife gets wind of the situation and kicks him out. I'd love to know that his life is practically over. That would be welcome.

Scuse me, I'm going to take a LONG walk.

Ferruz,

I never had one conversation with my wife's OM, over the course of their affair (I knew for about 8 months). It's not worth the bother.

As TMCM has said, don't call. When you get the urge to ream him out, post it here. We will all understand. You have already shown who is the better man, don't scoop to his level. your so much better than that. Give it time and the OM will get his dues. Always happens.

I agree, don't contact om at all. It's not worth it.

I feel the same way you do. I have vented very evil things that I would love to do to OW! Some peole can not possibly understand what hurt that this can bring. The anger is so great that you think that you could kill someone! People have killed over it! But then again, you cant get away with that. Even though you would like to just............. its bad. That would be the worst thing ever! I still have a hard time. I wanna hurt OW so bad because of what I know, but I cant! It would hurt our childeren more. Not to mention me being in jail.
OK Ill tell you that I would love to just gut her alive. I would just love to have '5 minutes alone' with her.
But then you also have to realise that it takes two. If she wasnt calling rape then its not only his fault! Ya know.
Just be carefull not to let all that anger on her. Be the better person then they were and think before you act!!!!!!!!
You do that and I promise I will also, its hard though!
I know that you want to hurt the one who has hurt you, its instinct I guess.

I understand your feeling but it is better to leave ow/om alone. I confronted ow in the beginning and wanted to beat the living daylights out of her but something stopped me. Anyway if you do anything to ow/om your spouse will only defend them. You are right it does take two, but when i found out it had happened I was able to vent to him how I felt, and I kept on until I was able to vent to her also. I saw her in a store one day and said every nasty thing i could think of to say to her, I pretty much probably made a fool of myself. I'm sure everyone in the store thought I was crazy but at the time I didn't care. I was so angry my vision was blurry. I still want to hurt her sometimes, although I am working on letting my feelings for her go.

When I first found out about my H's A (years ago) I suddenly understood how/why people muredered their spouses and OW/OM. I only used verbal assaults at the instant of the confession but after thinking it over for a few hours and the reality and anger truly setting, I just wasn't satisfied. It just wasn't enough. Of course, I couldn't kill any one even though I thought I wanted to....I had to do something though! I wanted to hurt him so bad like he was hurting me so I thought of the next best thing....I took a baseball bat to his tv! Those things aren't as easy to break like in the movies, which made me even madder! I did feel a lot better after that though. I can laugh about it now and take some secret pride in it.

Yah, a punching bag in the garage would be a smart thing to get.

And I have had the chance to tell off the OW. I held back all the nasty things I had always dreamed of saying because my children were there to witness it but she did not have the same self-control, regrettably. It just ended up hurting our family more and I did not feel the satisfaction I thought I would because my c were hurt by it.

Men have punching bags...women have kick boxing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm sorry to say it. But I know the rage that
you feel. Wanting to call the OM. I had contact
many times and found out that all my threats
fell on deaf ears. Because OM didn't care about my
feelings. He's not worth you time or breath. Work on making yourself feel better in other ways.
Good luck

i understand your urge to blow up on this guy. believe me we all had it. when i was going thru that stage everyone told me he wasn't worth it and they were right. and i was very close to doing something that would have given me untold personal pleasure. but you need to look at more then your own life here. if you were to go thru with your thoughts how many other lives that are dear to you would be effected.

now this may sound contradictary and against the grain of what others have said. i don't think that a phone call from some unknown number would be out if line. especially if you can put just a little fear in this slime ball. the only problem i see with that is do you really believe he would be listening to you while you are giving him the f__*&^%$ verbal castration he deserves? probably not. remember the type of snake you are dealing with. he didn't care about you or anybody else and probably still doesn't. i all his arrogance he will most likely tell you that he was doing your w a favor because you didn't take care of her. as soon as you started in with the 1st "you f___#@*&^%" he would come right back with a f___ off and the 2 of you would be simply in a shouting match on the phone neither one of you hearing the other.

the truth is that had you had that talk with him prior to the A in MAY have been effective. but it is probably to late now.

the question now is what do you want to do with your marraige? stay or leave? throw in the towel or rebuild? there are no wrong answers to those quetions just tough truths for you to look into your heart and find out.

bobby bowden football coach of the florida state seminoles once said " when someone is mean to you the best way to get back at them is to kill them with kindness." it's the way to go here. remember also that you always know where your enemies are, it's your friends that can hurt you.

the bag in the basement sounds like a good idea. also it will get you in shape should the om ever start anything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
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<small>[ November 24, 2003, 07:54 AM: Message edited by: pops ]</small>

Hello Ferruz:

I am sorry but I do not get it. You say you wish that the OM's wife gets wind of the affair. According to the Harley's it is absolutely essential that you inform the OM's wife of what he has done or you have simply enabled him to continue the affair in the possible future. Why would you not tell the OM's wife? Why would you withhold this secret from his wife? It does not make sense to me. These are the consequences of his and your wife's actions.

Ferruz,

Do not contact the OM, believe me it will not get you anywhere but in trouble for harassment charges. When I found out about my h A I gave him a brand new look. What I should have done was taken the bat to the TV or punching bag. I wanted my h to feel the same pain that I was going through to but the pain I gave him was only temporarily.

After a month of being extremely pissed off with my h I needed to call the OW to find out her side of the A. I thought of what I wanted to say to her before I called, I didn’t want to have a shouting match with her. My intents were good b/c I know she was also lied to by my h. She knew nothing of my h’s family until she found out she was pregnant. When I called I started by telling her who I was and that I just wanted to talk to her between two women. She agreed and our phone conversation lasted about 1 ½ hrs. Our conversation was good and we hung up with each other w/o any arguing or name-calling. It was very civil, so I thought? Two weeks later I received a court order to appear in court. She filed a restraining order on me for treating & harassing her and her unborn child? She said I wanted to harm her and kill her unborn child. To my astonishment I couldn’t believe what she did. The restraining order was denied due to no proof but that just goes to show you that there is a no win situation with contacting the OM/OW.

Just keep on punching on that bag and let your frustrations out and vent all you want here. This is the best place for any questions or advice you’re seeking.

Take care!

BryanP

I am the WW here. OM's wife does know about the affair just not the child. What is the point of hurting her more or causing a potential confrontation between my h and OM or OM's family when we are going to raise this child together?

Dear Manda~

Welcome to the board, although I understand it's not under happy circumstances in which you join us.

You have one heck of a H, and I hope you realize it.

I too am a fww, raising OC with my H, with NC and NO CS from x-om.

Does x-om in your case know of your P and that he may be the bio? I ask this, because if so, it may be very difficult for him to keep this secret for very long from his W, especially since she knows of the A.


I'm glad to see you post, and hope you continue to do so. We care about the 2 of you, and hope MB will be a valuable resource in restoring your M. There are many living, breathing examples of recovered marriages here, in fact many are enjoying marriages that are more than just restored/recovered...they are BETTER than ever!! It is possible, and there is HOPE!!!

I hope you are feeling well and that things are going as smoothly as possible, given the circumstances.

Take good care.
~aut

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by manda70:

BryanP

I am the WW here. OM's wife does know about the affair just not the child. What is the point of hurting her more or causing a potential confrontation between my h and OM or OM's family when we are going to raise this child together?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Manda, the decision to tell or not tell OM's W about your pregnancy by him should be a mutual decision between you and your H. You've both done your part about informing her about your affair with her H, and that was the right thing to do. Although you and your H may want to consider having the OM give you vital health information (i.e. blood type, childhood illnesses, etc.) in case your child inherits (God forbid) a congenital illness from him.

The only time my H spoke w/the OM was when he called him after the OM showed up at our house (I was home alone) 3 months after the A was over. I kept the OM out of the house and told my H as soon as he got home. My H called the OM and chewed some a**, and in this case, it was necessary, b/c the OM had definitely stepped over the line, b/c I had made it clear I wanted NC. I know my H is still glad he didn't pound the jerk like he wanted to. (Jail time would do neither of us any good!)

The om does know about the pregnancy and realizes the possibility of him being the bio father. I think he would try hard to keep this from his wife as she is expecting their first child as well.

Just to clarify neither my husband or myself told the om's wife. She actually discovered the relationship about two weeks before I realized I was pregnant and about a month before I told my husband. But I still don't see any benefit in telling her about the baby.

Thanks for the welcome, Autumnday.