Hello everyone. Maybe someone can help me here. Maybe someone has been through the same situation as I have. My feelings are so mixed up right now it's unreal. I'm angry, confused, extremely hurt and tired. I found out my husband was having an affair January 30, 2003. I had just lost my dad this same month. I love him so much and can't understand why he would hurt me like he has. When I found out the other woman was pregnant and she now has his baby girl. I have three children by him two girls and a 2 year old boy. We've been together for 18 years and married for the past 12 1/2. In the beginning when she was pregnant he was spending the night over at her apartment. Which of course, he rented because she was having a baby by him. This is what I'm assuming since I've found out that he's paying the rent for her. He hasn't spent the night there for approximately the past 3 months, but continues to go and see, supposedly the baby only, every night and spends saturdays with her. He tells me he loves me, which how can I believe is true, and that he's never going to leave me and the kids and will always live with us. He tells my girls the same thing, because they know about the affair. His whole family goes over and sees the baby when he brings them there. Which I can understand, because the baby is a member of their family and it isn't her fault she was caught up in all of this. I feel sorry for the baby, because she was brought into this problem, but she's innocent and I would love her just like I love my own children, because it is a part of him. I'm just so hurt so badly. How can he continually go see her so often. I know he has some feelings for her. He doesn't ever want to talk about her with me. He just tells me not to think about it and to try and keep myself busy. I feel like I can't live without him. I've been with him for so long it feels like he's a part of me and life would be nothing without him. I want to overcome this feeling. I don't want to feel like this anymore, but yet I want to stay with him. The woman is 11 years younger than both of us. Why are people so selfish and not think about the other people involved. Like my kids!!! I wonder constantly if they are still having sexual relations during the day and he still comes home at night. How can she have any self worth. Doesn't she respect herself. I guess there are many women out there like this. I'm telling you if they were to climb into my skin right now they jump out right away. Especially, with how my heart hurts so terribly. I never thought this would happen to me. How can another person inflict so much pain on another. I'll never know. I'm tired of hurting. Please can someone relate to how I'm feeling. I've tried everything. I can't stop hurting. Why do I have to love him so much. When I wish I could hate him. Do these feelings ever go away.

Wow, sounds like he isliving to seperate lives! Im so sorry that he is putting you through this! He is being as selfish as anyone could possibly be. There is no reason for him to be going over there to her place all the time like that! He should pick the baby up and visit away from her home! What other reason really would he want to stay over there so much still, something is not right here! You even know it. I have leaned to trust my gut feelings with things. Im usually 99% right. Its also a red flag that he doesnt want to talk to you about her. Hello, he is your HUSBAND! You have a right to know everything that he does! Especially now. It sounds like he isnt ready to give the OW up. The baby is the main excuse to keep it going. Im so sorry!!!
I have been with my husband for almost 13 years. He had an affair with a co-worker 8 years younger. Well to tell you the truth, she wasnt saticfied in bed with her husbad(my husband told me that she used to talk about it to him--yuk!!!) So she "Did it and thought that no one whould ever find out" her words. What kind of person is that? Well, now she is 5 months along. No one should have to go through this but people are gready! Have you asked him to go to councling?

He counds like a cakeman. Has the best of both worlds. I really do feel for you and unserstand your need to save your marriage. Your best bet is to put your foot down. If need be file for seperation to show him you mean business.

What he is doing right now is disrespecting you. The lines need to be drawn. If he wants to see OC then he should pick her up and bring her to your home. Same goes for his family. There should be no need to everyone to go over there. Its bascially like he is living two lives, has two families. Not right.

Hugs to you and good luck.

OOps.

<small>[ November 22, 2003, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: Crazymum ]</small>

why does his whole family have to go over there? Are they all supportive of this craziness? If it is such a good thing and everyone should be so supportive then why doesn't he take your kids w/ him when he goes...especially if it's "just" to see the baby? Why wouldn't he want to do that? What kind of message is he sending to his daughters? Would he let some man treat them like that? On either side? Would he let thier husbands treat one of them like that? or what would he think of a man who was married but still "knocked up" one of his daughters?

Better yet, if he's just seeing the baby and wants to stay married then why can't you go w/ him? Why not? Make it a whole fammily "affair". An educational field trip for the whole family. You can show your daughters what a mess we make when we are selfish and only think of ourselves and break our vows that we made before God and man to be faithful, what happens when you try to take someone else's husband/father by having sex w/ a married man and why we do not do that, and how sad it is that now there is a baby who will probably not be able to live w/ thier daddy and mommy at the same time, like they do all because of selfishness. Also a lesson in why you don't have sex unless you are married to the person you are having sex w/ because pregnancies happen and babies born from "unexpected" pregnancies need to have both a mommy and daddy who are "committed" (married) to each other who love them and want them. Why wouldn't your husband allow that? Doesn't he want his daughters to avoid situations and men like that when they are adults?

Maybe because the truth will be known or he might look bad? Maybe if we stop sugar coating these things and say it for what it is people will start realizing what they are really doing.

It's just an idea.

Stop the madness!