I recently found out my H had an affair with someone he just met. The worst part is we just had a new baby. It's our third. He had this affair when our baby was only three weeks old.

I know I want to stay with my husband but am definately afraid of any STD's he may bring into the marriage. He slept with her using no condom. Anyone know how soon one should be tested for STD's and when/if they need to follow-up?

It's going to be a long time before I will be able to open myself up to him to make love. ANyone have any tips for getting by this and forgiving? I fear that once we are making love, I will be thinking about him with her.

I think it's totally fair of you to ask your H to do this. Also, You should get tested yourself if you had sex w/ him after he had sex w/ OW. You gotta protect yourself and if he is serious about working on your marriage too, then he will do it. It's only reasonable.

When he goes to the clinic or your DR. you can ask them when/if and how long before he needs to be tested again. There are many clinics that will do this for free and anonymously since it is so common (std's and since the onset of AIDS).

You can let him know that you can't even think of ever having sex with him again until he can show you clean results. There are a lot of consequences to being unfaithful and this is a small one, considering.....it could be so much worse if he actually contracted something and gave it to you.

It took me awhile before I could get the disgusting thoughts of my H w/ OW out of my mind. It was absolute torture. I had to really work hard to control my mind with thoughts I DID want in my brain instead of letting the unwanted thoughts run wild. I am a Christian so I tried to fill my mind with scripture. I avoided asking him any "detailed" questions that would grow pictures in my mind, even though I was curious. I also tried to focus on making new memories to fill my mind with so I would have better things to focus on then the disgust of the betrayal.

It will get easier and one day you will realize you haven't had a disturbing thought for hours, then days, then weeks then you won't be able to remember when the last time was. Try to find what works for you.

God bless and take care.