In a heartbeat. I thought that from D-day. Mr. J had even suggested it to exOW.

I adore kids, all kids and that includes Precious. I was lying in bed last night thinking "If they could have made it somehow possible for me to have had a bio child, I would have done it even if they told me I had a 1 in 3 chance of dying. I'd still do it now if my chances were no higher than 1:10."

My best revenge will be when Precious is 15 years old and says to her mother "Why can't you be nice and fun like MaryJanes? I am going to live with them." Hey, a girl can have a couple of wicked daydreams can't she?

Good question, AutumnDay.

MJ

AutumnDay,
Another "No" here.

I am beyond raising any more children. So is my H, he still gets a little upset when trying to watch the news some evenings after dinner and Granddaughter is running around or noisy....Hey, they're house hunting so it won't be too long before the peace and quiet begin again.

I work and love my job. I help care for my ailing Mom. H and I take a few vacations a year, alone. I can come and go as I please, within reason, and after spending my younger days raising our son (stay at home Mom) I absoloutely adore my freedom from raising children.

So, no I wouldn't raise oc, or any other baby, not even Granddaughter. I love her but don't have the patience any longer for sticky fingers or the time it takes to keep her occupied. Plus I get to do the afore mentioned each day anyway...

They'll have my blessings when they move and I'll still babysit when they need me, but that's it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

I honestly would find it too hard to raise oc also because of the obvious....oc is not my job or child, AND women do most of the raising anyway, so I'd be "stuck" with another womans child that I'd have to do most of the work for. No thanks. I think I'd resent H and oc eventually if I agreed to do that.

Take no offense if you are an ow with oc. I just gave my opinion.

love
Debi

I am amazed at the strength, forgiveness and devotion of the women that contribute to this board. How do you do it? What is it that keeps you going? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I truly hope that your husbands show you proper appreciation and affection for your selfless acts. These men are VERY lucky to have you after what they have done!

At this point in my situation, I myself have to vote an emphatic NO. Maybe I will feel differently as I begin to heal, but right now I just couldn't.

Blue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Simple answer, Not having read the replies... no I could not have.

I would also have to definitely say a BIG NO. I had my tubes tied 3 years ago. This was a decision both my h and I made together. I have a 15yr old son from my ex hubby. My h and I had a 3 month old son who passed away of SIDS 01/29/99. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Then we have our 3 ½ yr old son who pretty much has all our attention now.

When we decided to get my tubes tied it was for good reason. It’s been very hard for us after our last son was born. We watched him like a hawk; he was on an apnea monitor for 1-½ years of his life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . We were very scared that he would stop breathing too. God watched over us, now he's a wild and crazy 3yr old boy, wouldn't change it for the world.

Then h gets OW pregnant that was devastating hence the name “Devastated Chris.” That’s why h and I opt for N/C with OC. I should of had H get a vasectomy but when it comes to that area some men are WIMPS!!! But they sure know how to use it for other things, remember that's what they think with <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 12, 2004, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: litlone ]</small>

^^bump^^ as mentioned to writer1.

Thanks AD. A very interesting read.

I definitely think I could have raised an OC if the shoe had been on the other foot. I don't think many BW's get this opportunity without any interference from the OW, but if I did find myself in that position, I believe I could do it. My H and I have even talked about adopting, since our OC will essentially grow up as an only child, since her youngest sibling is 14 years older than she is. I was an only child and I didn't like it one bit. Unfortunately, finances would make adopting impossible at the moment, but maybe sometime in the future.

Thanks for this bump. Very interesting. B/c I have no COM, I would definitely raise OC, as long as OW is nowhere in the picture. H asked OW if we could (adoption), and she said no. H said he realizes it can be me, him, and OC but it cannot be me, him, OW, and OC. We have not pursued visitation or custody b/c as of today, unless I can raise OC as mine, OC is only a reminder of the hurt and pain stemming from the stupid ONS and my failures as a woman to have H a COM.

OW is recently D with a 4 yo and 1 yo and now 6 mo (OC) and she lives with her parents. So the way I see it, (nobody bash me) she is being selfish and not considering what will be best for OC.....financially stable, loving, educated two parent home.

If OW had fallen over dead when I found out, probably.

Now, five years later......I was done having kids. still don't want one that young, I am to old for chasing them around.

No

migsamac, I would very much like to talk with you. You and I are in the same boat and it would be nice to talk to someone that knows what i'm going through. If you want to talk let me know and I will get you my email Thanks. Hope to hear from you.

Racer1, I would love to visit with you. Please email me @ migsamac@sbcglobal.net

I will look forward to hearing from you.

Be careful.
If you are of the same sex, that's OK.
If you're not ... be very very wary of emailing each other.

I guess you could say I am "new" to Marriage Builders in the way I have never registered before, but I have been reading here for over two years. IF I had been a reader and believer in MB before, we might not be in this sitch!!! AND I am certainly not new to the OC sitch.

I am almost positive I'd raise OC with my H IF OW took a long walk off a short pier! OR if there was very limited C with OW. As it is right now, we have NC. OW is the reason for that!

No, I think that if there was an OC in our situation that would be the only baby on earth I could not raise.

Yeah. I thought that too, SMB.

I could NOT let my two grow up and have OW be the only woman role model in the children's lives.

That would dayum them to her lifestyle for certain.

De,

That's why I have such admiration for you and FF and others.

I would, in a heart beat. I have no issue with oc i have EVERY issue with the ow