I am at a loss....I feel like I should start talking to the kids about what is happening...but what do you tell them???? I was thinking about telling them that Dad has done some things that have hurt my feelings...and that we are talking about it trying to make things better. I feel like I am loosing ground in the process and that I may need to prepare them for a Plan B or D.

I just feel like I need to say something to them...I'm just not sure what.

holding, I did not go into detail w/my 6yo after d-day, but I DID say that mommy and daddy were having a grown-up problem, that it wasn't anything son did wrong, totally @grown-ups, that we both loved him and were getting help for our problem (counseling).

Son also was close to XOW's kids, so I unfortunately had to explain that he couldn't see them anymore, but again, no details. It was hard because I said XOW hurt my feelings, so he wanted to know why XOW couldn't just say she was sorry and we could still be friends, like we tell kids to do?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I did not say H hurt my feelings because I did not want to parallel what I said @XOW (as if it was 2 different things!)

Little kids don't need details... they need to know that they did NOTHING wrong and, while the grownups will have some rough days and problems, they/kids will still be loved and taken care of.

Yeah, I like the "daddy hurt my feelings, but WE grownups are working it out" approach--just don't use them to vent.

I wouldn't prep them for planB until/unless it actually happened--too scarey. Basically "fake it [stay together] 'til you make it" unless your H can't abide by some basic recovery rules. I got that from "After the Affair" by Janis Abram Spring.

So sorry you're hurting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Keep posting,
J
in recovery 5 years and glad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I heard somewhere one that kids are very intuned to what's going on around them and can figure out when there is stress and tension AND if we don't make it clear or talk to them about it then they will make it up for themselves what the problem is. Better that a statement comes directly from you then what they can conjure up for themselves in their own imaginative little minds.

This could lead to them blaming themselves for the situation. So I agree w/ what you think you should do. I know you probably don't want them to be "mad @ daddy" because if things end up working out....but they will probably still get hurt by this and it will be something that they need to work out w/ their dad someday, hopefully sooner rather then later. Theri father is making this choice and ultimately the relationship he has w/ his children will be up to him. That's a hard one for me to let go of.

And about OW saying sorry, you could tell your BC that you wish she would say sorry too. That's the truth right? that she's NOT sorry?

I hope it all works out for you.