OK, so my last post said I filed for D, right? Well, my h has been begging me not to go through with it and has finally come to his sences. He went as far as contacting a MC for us! Can you believe he called and made an appointment for us tonight? He said this is what he really wants and he wants us to be happy again. My h actually got on his knees and begged me with tears and all. I told him I will consider b/c that's what I wanted in the first place but this is not just to get me to drop the d. He said that he wanted to work out our problems and if I felt that it's still not going to work he will understand. I didn't file for d to scare him but it did.

I'll keep you posted and let you know tomorrow.

I'd call that an excellent example of an inadvertant Plan B.

This is great news...the stuff we all love to hear. I love it when they snap out of the fog and have the big "moment of clarity"...you can finally see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Just make sure it isn't the lights of an oncoming train.

Good luck and hats off to you for staying the course. Stay strong.

<small>[ December 18, 2003, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

This is great news. I'm waiting for my turn.... my h keeps saying he wants to reconcile, but so far no action.... I'm biding my time for now. Maybe there is hope.

I'm just getting around now to letting you know how our first MC session went last week Tuesday.

Well, it seems my h had a lot of feeling to get out at MC he was very emotional. I think this might work for us. He said something that I've wanted to hear from him since D-day. He said that he knows how much he hurt me and said he can't stand to see me hurting and crying for a stupid mistake he made. He said he was sorry before but never told me he knew how much I was hurting and it hurt him to see me that way.

We both like the therapist and feel comfortable with her. She asked my h if he was comfortable b/c she was a woman and he said as long as we get help it doesn't matter. I did find out that he is still lying to me about things. He said the only reason he lies to me still after d-day is so he doesn't see me hurt over again. He feels that MC is a safe place for him to tell me things so that the therapist can help me to understand why he says the things he does to spare my feelings. I don’t like the fact that he’s trying to spare my feelings by lying to me. Honestly, when I heard him say that he pissed me off. I tried to understand but I told him if he wants MC this lying B**** needs to stop now!!! MC was h idea and I still told him since we are in the process of a D and if I feel that MC is going nowhere I will continue with the D. Again, he understood and agreed.

That’s how it went; I think the first session wasn’t too bad. We are scheduled every Tuesday evening until we feel we both can move on. Therapist said that it should take 6 months to work things out between h and I. I told her, how could she put a time limit on something of this magnitude. She said that it usually takes couples that long to recover from and A???? Well, guess I have to wait to see what happens in the next 6 months. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well, it’s been awhile since my last post: MC with my husband lasted 2 sessions! I’m still seeing the MC by myself, can’t stop I need desperate help getting over this! I’m going through so many mixed emotions; it’s absolutely driving me crazy… I hate him, I can’t stand him, I can’t stand the fact that he lied to me for 3 years, I hate looking at him, I hate talking to him, I hate sleeping next to him, I hate, I hate, I hate. This is not like me at all. I feel like I’m going to explode. On my way back from C last night I broke down literally in my Car yelling and screaming how stupid I feel that I’m even still with this jerk. I hate myself for letting another person control this much hurt in my life.

Two reasons why I’m with him and let me tell you I already know they are 100% wrong reasons to stay with h.
1. Financially, I don’t depend on him for money but we have shared expensive and if he leaves I know I’ll be stuck with the bills. What he doesn’t’ know is I also filled out some paper work stating he is responsible for all debt after our marriage is over.
2. Revenge on OW b/c she tried to take to get a restraining order on me under false pretense. So she can go through her pregnancy alone!!!!

Last week I went to a wedding and had a very nice time with my friends. When I came home and my first reaction was when I saw my h I had to get the hell out of Dodge. So I left mind you it was 9:30pm. I called friends anyone who wanted to go out and drink with me. I ended up at a Restaurant/Bar all by myself. I was in desperate need of being around a lot of people. I never go anywhere by myself so it was very odd but I did it and I had a very nice time. Met a few people so it was all-good.

I have to leave but I’ll let you know how it goes during the weekend. There’s still tons more I would like to share with you all. Thanks for listening... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Devistated Chris:
<strong> MC with my husband lasted 2 sessions! I’m still seeing the MC by myself, can’t stop I need desperate help getting over this! I hate him, I can’t stand him, I can’t stand the fact that he lied to me for 3 years, I hate looking at him, I hate talking to him, I hate sleeping next to him, I hate, I hate, I hate.

=^^= It doesn't sound like your MC is doing you much good. Is he/she pro-marriage or understand the MB concepts? Why did your husband bale after two sessions? If you have so much hatred for this man then either he is doing nothing to help you heal from this betrayal and not participating in recovery or you two are stuck in some destructive limbo. Either way, this marriage is not working right now.

On my way back from C last night I broke down literally in my Car yelling and screaming how stupid I feel that I’m even still with this jerk.

=^^= I used to do my car but I found the shower very effective as well except when I was so upset, I slipped and fell on my [censored] and hurt my airy-dare...so that CAN be dangerous if you are especially distraught.

I hate myself for letting another person control this much hurt in my life.

=^^= It sounds like you are taking responsiblity for allowing this dysfunction in your life. But don't hate yourself for it. It's normal to stall out after something like this happens in your life. It's hard to make that leap into independence when you're so "not yourself". Allow yourself to go through whatever you need to until you are strong enough to make a move, if that is what you want/need to do.

Two reasons why I’m with him and let me tell you I already know they are 100% wrong reasons to stay with h.
1. Financially, I don’t depend on him for money but we have shared expensive and if he leaves I know I’ll be stuck with the bills. What he doesn’t’ know is I also filled out some paper work stating he is responsible for all debt after our marriage is over.

=^^= I think this is a perfectly valid reason and you are taking care of yourself and laying the ground work for protecting yourself. I think it is smart.

2. Revenge on OW b/c she tried to take to get a restraining order on me under false pretense. So she can go through her pregnancy alone!!!!

=^^= Ugh. I did that, too. I wish I wouldn't have because it was vindictive of me...justifyably so, but vindictive nonetheless. There will be times later on where you will wish you wouldn't have stood in the way and just let it go instead of hanging on.

When I came home and my first reaction was when I saw my h I had to get the hell out of Dodge. So I left I called friends anyone who wanted to go out and drink with me. I ended up at a Restaurant/Bar all by myself.

=^^= That is very dangerous and I hope you don't do that again...you could get yourself into trouble yourself. Next time go visit your elderly aunt or something less on the edge.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

DC, Why only 2 sessions!

Good luck in finding the right counselor....Harleys are great!!!

I understand your night out but why????

So I trust you won't do THAT again!!!

Prayers of comfort.

love
Debi

what happened that has seemed to make everything fall apart? and only 2 sessions?

I understand the emotional extremes and things seeming to "fall apart" @ times. What's going on?

Dear Chris,

Sorry to hear you are still on that rollercoaster. The fact that he did come to his senses for awhile is hopeful to say the least. At least he hasn't lost all his marbles....yet.

Right now though your strength is important. Remember we are just a phone call and a couple of towns away.

Let us know how to help.

take care,
L.

What he doesn’t’ know is I also filled out some paper work stating he is responsible for all debt after our marriage is over.
I give up. How would he be responsible just because you filled out some papers?

Yes, h gave up on MC and our Marriage! He has not changed his ways. He was good for a little while just to get back in the house but then starts his old ways again. He was coming and going as he pleases. I’m tired of kicking him out and taking him back. It’s not good for my boys. I will continue counseling for my boys and me. I don't want to go through this again ever in my life it’s too painful. I explained this to my counselor and she understands I'm ready to move on and I need her help to do so.

Everyone's story is different and there always more to the story than what is written here. I’m very hurt by my h 3 year A, I don't think I can forgive him for that. I feel our marriage has been a complete lie. Besides he said the MC was a joke and to me that means our Marriage is also a joke. It's not the counselor’s fault he gave up it's my h with the problem.

The first two MC sessions h and I had together; there were a lot of hurt feeling and input we gave out. When my counselor met me the third time alone she said she wasn't surprised. She could tell my h wasn't into it and seem like he didn't care. With our marriage problems besides the A she said that a D was a good thing right now for me and I agree. I’m not sure why I’m hanging on. I gave two reasons in my previous post but I don’t believe that’s the real truth. I want out so bad and I just want my tainted feelings to go away in an instant. Don’t get me wrong the counselor doesn’t condone divorce but what she knows of our Marriage, she told me it was time for me to move on with out my h.

It’s been 6 months from D-day and my feelings are getting better but I still feel stuck in something I don’t want anymore. Does that make sense?

Chris-CA123
When I went to my paralegal I filled out a form (don’t remember the name) with all our expenses that we share and that he should pay. When we go to court the Judge will determine what he is still liable for. Such as our car payment, furniture, etc. etc. I told me paralegal to have him responsible for everything. They did so it’s up to the judge to determine the outcome.

When I went to my paralegal I filled out a form (don’t remember the name) with all our expenses that we share and that he should pay.
It's what YOU think he should be responsible for. It doesn't mean he WILL be responsible for it.
He will probably fill out the same form and put that YOU are responsible for everything.

Don't get your "hopes" up that he's gonna HAVE to pay for anything/everything simply because you filled out a paper.
It's standard practice to list all assets/liabilities for a divorce.

I want out so bad and I just want my tainted feelings to go away in an instant.
UNsderstood but it won't happen, even if you were magically granted a divorce RIGHT NOW!

I don't think I can forgive him for that.
Is this something you are going to hang onto forever then?
If you get divorced, he moves to the other side of the country and has zero contact wiht you ever again, you will not forgive him, even if only for yourself?
After all, forgiveness is for YOU not the one you are forgiving.

<small>[ January 26, 2004, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris,

I understand where your coming form, lets just say for the sake of h - when it comes to legal stuff he's clueless. Even though we are going through this mess he still pays all the bills including rent for me and the boys. We have bills in my name that he is responsible for see his credit is not all that. He did tell me he will continue to pay until paid in full. That much I believe so if the judge does grant me to have h pay for bills at least it would be in writing now.

Other than that, today is a good day for me rainey but still a good day. Started Weight Watcher on Saturday and it's going good. I've done weight watchers before and keep the weight off over a year. So I figure why not go back to something that really worked for me before. Such a great program. Any body else on weight watchers?
I've tried the Atkins deit last week Monday, forget it, not for me. I felt I had to much protein in my systme and this was just in one day and got sick. I guess what ever works for you.

Everyone,
Have a nice day... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />