Tony, I will answer the best way I can. I really thought the other thread got off the subject, and was so long, I did not feel right to post there.
I found out about 2 OC and OW in 1996 by error. H and I were married 23 years at that time, now we are M 31 yrs.
I met OW and OC's that year in person. One OC stayed with us for a week. The other, OC(14 yrs. old), chose not to come. They live on the other side of the states. I spent a week-end with OW and OC's in OW's home. I was a guest. I came home and filed for divorce a second time. The truth hurts, you know.
OC, who came for a week, was 10 yrs. old. All half sisters and brothers met OC. My week-end with OW was 2 weeks after OC's visit. I called her. I took the initiative. I met her sisters and mother and 2 OC's, 10 and 14. There has been no contact since 1996. OW does get CS, and had been receiving it legally since 1992. This was the year she left the state. OW and my H broke up in 1989.
When my H received that phone call, he denied he was the person OC thought he was. This upset me. I asked H why he would not speak to OC(then 19 yrs old). We discussed this every day for at least two weeks. We have chosen NC because:
-our grown children, who are half siblings, and have met one of the OC while visiting us for that week, show no interest. They do not want contact.
-OC's have good role models, in many uncles and male cousins.
-OC's are well taken care of, and loved by OW and her family.
-H feels since there has been NC for 7yrs, why start now?
-H feels OC's hate him by now anyways.
-our health is not the best, who needs the stress of involvement now.
-more $$$ comes to mind. No one ever gave H nor I a dime. We earned everything by working hard. We cannot see more money going out the window on someone we do not have a relationship with, or care to at this point of our life.
-we feel resuming a relationship with OC's, after all this time, is not in the best interest of either them or us.
-OC do not need to be exposed to more rejection, than what's already behind them. When there is a long term A, there will always be resentment. Why should anyone involved be subjected to this again after 7 yrs. of silence?
-OC's have come from some strong stock. We all survive.
Someone on another thread asked the question of, what would you tell OC? If I ever have the opportunity, I would tell them, "It took one strong woman to leave, and one strong woman to stay. Your father was a hell of a man." I can't fault their mother for loving him. Because I still love him, in spite of everything.
ember
